


We Were Never Welcome Here (At All)

by wisepuma23



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, BAMF Logan, BAMF Patton, BAMF Virgil, Basically everything you can think of and more, Blood and Violence, Character Study, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders - Freeform, Dragons, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I swear, Imagination, LITERALLY, Logic | Logan Sanders - Freeform, Logun, Magic, Minor Character Death, Monsters, Morality | Patton Sanders - Freeform, Nonbinary Character, Patton Wants his Fam Back, Psychological Drama, Roman is Having the Time of His Life, Spells & Enchantments, Thomas isn't dead, Unicorns, Virgil is So Done, its like Logan but with a gun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:25:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 58,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisepuma23/pseuds/wisepuma23
Summary: Logan stared at the approaching black hound down the barrel of a gun, "Please, Virgil, don't make me do this."Virgil lunged and a gun shot echoed in the alley.Two weeks earlier, Thomas and the rest of the city of Miami, Florida was enchanted by a mysterious wizard to "reveal their true selves." In one blinding moment, the hidden psyches of everyone was released into the world in an explosion of light and sound. The same night Miami was cordoned off from the rest of the world. The spell had, shall we say, a fewinterestingside effects on the sudden existence of the sides. They must find each other in the big city fraught with danger and mystery.





	1. A Wizard in Miami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spell is cast. A happy night takes the turn for the worst. Everything must go.

               The matter was this: Logan had come to slowly trust Virgil over the course of the past year, which meant there had to be cases he had to defer to his wisdom. His honed instincts overrode all sense of logic. The others, Patton and Roman, had yet to come to terms with this fact. They still struggled with the idea of letting Virgil take the wheel, but Logan had researched this very possibility in detail for a while. The problem was that in the past, Virgil simply wrenched control from the others, but if Logan simply gave it to him. It would lessen…. complications. Thomas would recover in quicker time. It was a matter of efficiency and that was enough to soothe his own pride.

               Not that Logic had any pride of course. Course not. He preferred the name, dignity, instead. Teachers like himself must maintain a sense of decorum as a good influence on his students. He may only have three or so classes in the mindscape to teach in his spare time, but it mattered to him. It meant that whatever Thomas learnt in school was kept preserved and fresh. If he ever returned to that chemistry degree, then, well all so much the better.

               “Logan, dear, can you come down?” Patton called from the commons, his voice piercing through his focused haze in his room, “Something doesn’t seem right.”

               Logan set down his pencil and frowned. Patton didn’t express his concern as a feeling but rather as a fact. He didn’t think Patton knew the word. Alarmed, Logan sunk out into the commons. He stumbled back as he saw the lights were all off except a small candle lit on the table. Patton and Roman sat leaning forward watching the TV in rapt attention, the light casting strange shadows on the walls. Logan turned, too, to see what was on screen.

               Thomas had gone out for the night with his friends in the city. Logan could still recall the glare of shop windows before retiring to his room. His friends may be bad influences, but they make Thomas happy, despite the lateness of the hour. However, Thomas was in a large open concert hall, and it was crowded with people as if there was a concert. Joan’s elbow dug into him with every breath he took. But there was no music, no bands, yet everyone’s attention was caught on a singular man on the stage. He wore robes that shimmered in the bright lights, star-like and ethereal, and he had a black molten wand like it was carved from fresh igneous rock.

               A hand fell on his shoulder, Logan startled, “Anxiety, please refrain from doing that. But I’m glad that you’re here, Virgil, thank you.”

               “Don’t thank me until we get out of here.” Virgil said, his lips tight around his words, “Something is wrong.”

               Roman and Patton seemed to wake up and realize there were other people in the room. Roman blew a huff, “What’s wrong is that you aren’t excited about a magic show! The posters said once in a lifetime and they were giving out free tickets! Imagine our good luck!”

               Patton worried the edges of his cat hoodie, “I don’t know Roman, ever heard too good to be true? Where’s the rabbits? Talyn said that they saw rabbits on the poster.”

               “So, you’re worried that this is a rip-off?” Logan adjusted his tie to tighten around his neck again, his job was never done was it, “If it is a scam, then it’s a clever one, because the refund will be nothing.”

               Virgil bit his lip, “If it’s a scam then why does he want people here for? I think I can hear more people arriving, but that shouldn’t be right, the show is supposed to close doors ten minutes before the show starts. It’s been fifteen minutes already.”

               “Virgil is right,” Logan looked down to Patton, “Can you turn Thomas’ head to make sure?”

               Patton pulled on his sleeves harder, “I can’t.”

               The silence that followed sucked all the air out of the commons. The candle still flickered in the shadow of the TV. Logan cleared his throat and tried to turn Thomas’ head. Nothing. He looked at the others and saw the same face scrunched in concentration. Then open with disbelief.

               “Patton, how long has Thomas been like that?” Virgil said with a faint echo.

               “Since the show started,” Patton said and looked down at the candle, “I didn’t even notice the power had gone out since the lights were already off until I saw the microwave clock was gone. So, this candle is the only thing keeping Thomas aware.”

               Roman ran his hands through his hair, “No! You’re wrong. All of you are wrong.” He stood up, his presence filling the room, “Thomas is fine. All we need to do is watch the wizard because it’s once in a lifetime. Virgil. Sit. Down.”

               “Roman,” Logan said sharp.

               “Oh, can it, four eyes,” Roman turned around to him, “You don’t even like magic so what are you doing here?”

               Patton gasped, his hands flying to his mouth in horror, as Logan and Virgil stumbled back from Roman. His eyes were glowing an eerie shade of purple. The effect was unnatural and if Logan didn’t know any better, he would’ve said it was photoshopped onto Roman. A bad one. Yet it shone out from Roman’s eyes and all three of them had a sinking feeling it wasn’t one of Roman’s creations.

               “Princey, I don’t think you’re fine,” Virgil said as he quietly pulled Logan further away and gestured to Patton to get over the couch, “Have you seen a mirror, lately?”

               Roman seemed startled by this genuine question and conjured one. He held it up and yelped. The mirror fell to the carpet with a dull thud. He shut his eyes shut and curled into himself as he dug his palms into his sockets. He breathed erratically, and his shoulders shook. Logan fought the urge to comfort him. Something was wrong, and he hated that he didn’t know the answer, and Thomas cannot afford a mental crisis right now.

               Patton came to stand with them and gripped Logan’s arm with Virgil’s hands across his chest. _Remain calm, Logan, Roman is currently in an art slump and perhaps his frustration manifested this way instead of his usual questing._ His theory was torn to shreds when Roman spoke again, his voice trembling with effort, “It’s us. We are what’s wrong. Don’t you feel it?”

               A piercing scream rang out through the mindscape, their attention was wrenched to the TV, and finally understood.

               The wizard, there was no other appropriate name for him, had his wand twirling in the way as if he was casting a spell. The air had turned from the clear crisp of winter to obscured with a golden filter over everything and the taste of iron rested heavy on their tongues. Like blood. Patton was wrong about one thing after all, there was now a rabbit on a table, but it was grey instead of white. It screamed again, guttural, and Patton gasped with a hand over his chest.

               Logan held a crumpling Patton in his arms until he was a trembling heap on the floor. Patton wrenched his glasses off and cried as he held one hand over his heart. Virgil seemed to say something, Logan swallowed thickly, and tried to push through the thick fog in his mind.

               “Pat, show me, please take your hand away.” Virgil kneeled next to them, Logan trapped in Patton’s panicked embrace, “Yeah that’s it, everything is alright, I want to see it.”

               Air hissed through Logan’s teeth as he saw it. There was a bright purple glow shining through Patton’s polo where his heart was. Roman was right. There was no other explanation than there was something wrong with them. However, this simple line of logic was hard to follow as if he was following it in thick fog.

               “L-Lo-Logan,” Virgil said as he put a frantic hand on his shoulder and Logan turned to him as if in a daze, “Your throat. It’s glowing too.”

               Logan wanted to say, “Oh, that’s odd,”, but what came out was static. White noise. Shouldn’t he feel panicked? Resolve to solve this new addition, no, addition seems the wrong word. The fog became thicker until his thoughts felt like grey sludge. Disgusting. How about a slushy, but raspberry blue, like Patton’s favorite? Wait, he was thinking of something, wasn’t he? Yes! Addition, adding, subtracting, morphing. Changing. Mutating, evolving, where was his thesaurus?

               Virgil shook him roughly and Logan could feel his slushy brain shaking with it. He was yelling. Spit flew onto his glasses. “Logan!” drifted through his mind and slip slide on the slush but he never got a grasp on it. Or is the right word, transforming? The problem was that wizard, what an odd word, he giggled out loud. Wizard, he would have to research the etymology of the word!

               Pain smarted loud and the slush disappeared in red sparks. His cheek felt numb. Logan felt his ribs rattle in his chest. _Virgil slapped me. He. Slapped. Me._ Virgil was in the same state of shock as he was by the look on his face.

               Virgil swallowed, “Logan, I think it’s Plan #GTFO here. I need you to give me the wheel. Roman and Patton are losing it and I think you are too. I don’t think I have much time left, either.”

               Logan tried to feel Patton’s grip on his arm but with alarm he realized he couldn’t, he was numb. White noise spilled from his lips when he tried to speak. He couldn’t speak around the cold slimy lump in his throat. The source of his own glow. Logan numbly nodded to Virgil’s plan.

               Virgil’s shoulders sagged with relief.

               His legs wobbled as he stood up and the startled cacophony of white noise almost made Virgil stumble back down. Virgil’s breath stuttered as he looked down. His own stomach was glowing as if somebody stabbed him with one of Roman’s glowsticks. It had to be blinding if it could get through his many layers of clothes.

               _Focus, Virgil, focus._ The TV still played its strange show. Only a few minutes have passed in the real world. The rabbit was gone and all that was left was a bloody smear in its place, stark against the white table, bile rose at the back of his throat. C’mon, Thomas, we’re getting out of this fucking place.

               Just look away.

               I said, look _away,_ Thomas.

               His stomach roiled with sick, he wasn’t listening, please no. _Fuck, shit, damn it!_ Virgil pummeled desperately at the fabric of the mindscape, tearing up Patton’s little suburbia, Logan’s libraries crashing down upon themselves, and sending Roman’s castles crumbling from the brute force. _Anything. Please_! Virgil slammed Thomas’ circulation into overdrive.

               “Get out!” Virgil screamed wretched, “You’re giving your Anxiety fucking _anxiety_. Get out you **IDIOT!”**

               Something gave. Virgil realized he wrenched back the control of moving his eyes. Virgil looked around frantically and realized he couldn’t see his friends anywhere. They said they were going to the bathroom, didn’t they? Before the show started. Virgil wasn’t even granted the grace of a panic attack because Thomas was locked in a strange state of calm. Despite the utter pounding echoing in his ears and chest. _Shouldn’t he breathing a lot, I put a lot of adrenaline into his bloodstream, so what the fuck?_

               More bile threatened to come up.

               _Concentrate, the others are depending on you, don’t mess this up. Thomas? Thomas, answer me! It’s Virgil, earth to Thomas? Why aren’t you answering me? I said **ANSWER ME.**_

               The others flinched, momentarily awaken from their strange freak out, then fell back in. He ignored Patton’s aghast crying, Logan’s giggles that came crystal clear through his static, and Roman’s deranged mutterings into another conjured mirror. He looked again into the TV, the world outside, at the open-air concert hall. The wizard’s drawl was thick as syrup through the speakers. People were also just as frozen as Thomas. Wait, there was still the faint sound of footsteps underneath the show’s performance.

               Then it hit him. His eyebrows rose as his arms went limp. Thoughts stuttered to a stop into the elephant of what was happening. Oh, _fuck_.

               More and more people were still coming to the concert hall. He wouldn’t be surprised if the whole city of Miami was here already. That bastard had somehow enchanted people to come here. Thomas didn’t even plan on seeing a show. He wanted to buy a new shirt for once. But why?

               _Why? It was because the wizard wanted to do whatever he was planning to do to as many people he could. Maximum damage. This, this was mental control on a mass scale, magic or not. Wizard or terrorist, the fact didn’t change, Thomas was going to die here._

               All of them shook violently as if the thought occurred to all of them at once. Virgil sucked in a breath and clawed at the place where Thomas’ conscious mind resided. Nothing. His eyes flew open. Thomas, what, he…

               Virgil flicked his hands and slammed the front door open to reveal a brick wall. Another sharp flick of his wrist sent the curtains fluttering open to reveal, not the cheery fields of the mindscape, but utter blackness. It wasn’t a hue, but rather, the loud absence of a void. A quick glance at the brick wall on the stairs only confirmed it.

               His gut burned like he ate the molten core of a star. Air hissed between his teeth. What, what should he do? Something, something, anything. He couldn’t focus over Patton’s sobbing. Shut up, shut up, please. Please! I don’t, I don’t want to die. I must stay awake for Thomas, but he isn’t here, or he can’t be here? What? Thoughts too loud. Slow down.

               _The candle!_   Virgil stumbled against the couch, his gut twisting in pain, and looked at the candle for the first time since Patton mentioned it. It was flickering rapidly as if an invisible wind was trying to snuff it. The golden wax was almost all burnt up. Usually if the candle died, it meant passing out, but Virgil had a feeling that wouldn’t be happening this time.

               Sick swarm at the back of his throat. His head pounded as he forced himself to stand by Roman. He pulled Roman by his arm pits toward Logan and Patton’s hug pile. Finally, his knees gave out. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be using them again. Despite Patton and Logan lost in their own pain, their arms opened to welcome Roman and Virgil, and they fell into their embrace.

               In their circle, holding hands until their knuckles turned white, at least they were together. Patton’s sobs became quieter and Roman stopped muttering but didn’t look up from the floor. Logan’s white noise fell away to mute silence and Virgil tried to etch each of their faces into his memory. However short it may be soon.

               The purple light emitting from all of them grew steadily brighter until he could barely see. It was blinding. Virgil held tight as he could as they waited for the show to end.

               “ **It isn’t over til’ the fat lady sings, right?”** Virgil said, but all that came out instead, was a garbled deep echo. Roman squeezed his hand. He couldn’t even see his bright red sash in the glare.

               A hearty chuckle of white static answered, a bit wet, but Virgil wisely didn’t point it out. He felt Patton bumped his head into his shoulder, and the sensation felt like it came from faraway, the edges of himself started to feel fuzzy. He couldn’t even see Patton’s head a few inches from his face.

               The floor fell away, the last vestiges of a physical mindscape gave way, and it was just them as concepts holding onto each other in the light pressing from within and on them. Arms, legs, guts, these were all things to visualize for Thomas’ sake. And yet, they held on, tight.

               Time passed, seconds or weeks, or even years. The last bundles of what remained as Thomas gripped each other tightly until they didn’t know where one began or ended. Then the light, the spell, started to do its work.

               If he still had a mouth, Virgil wanted to scream, as he realized now his grip was slipping. Logan in his slushy haze, wanted arms to hug them close against the foreign pull. Patton wished he still had eyes to cry at the unmistakable sensation of being torn at the seams like a page being ripped out of a book. Roman wanted his hands to hold on to everything that mattered to him in this world and the next.

               It happened so quick.

               A lurch and a sick rip echoed like a thunderclap. Pain. Wind blew by in a roar and the sudden feeling of loneliness. Wet crunching and cracking of bones and stuck in something small. Squirming, claws digging into flesh, and something like a wet envelope crushed on all sides. Too small. Move! Too small!! Leave, leave, leave. Must. Get. Out. Then everything broke open and cold air blew past in a nauseating spin head over heels.

               He smacked into the far wall, his head burst with red flashes of pain, and his glasses cracked. His head throbbed. Black pressed in at the edges of his vision before he blacked out. The distant sounds of screeching, screaming, and barking faded away.

               Eventually he came to. Skin, he had skin, and hands. He touched the egg on the back of his head, and examined it, blood too. Blood? That’s not right.

               Noise faded back in gradually, aches keened from his back, and felt like his processors were rebooting. In fact, now that he noticed, there was hardly a spot on him that wasn’t covered in blood. _Whose blood? Not mine._

               He looked up and his breathe stuttered at the carnage. The white concert hall was red now. Blood splattered against the walls, seats, and even the stage. He could hardly see other people, but they look dazed and in shock. Blood dripping down their faces in rivulets. His own glasses were splattered at the edges. His own face, too, he realized was covered in blood.

               _My hands are shaking. Why? It, this, what? I, I’m here, but I shouldn’t be. Where is everyone else? Wasn’t the hall crowded before? Calm down. Think. There’s hardly anyone else here._

               It was then he noticed he was holding something. He fidgeted with his tie and peered down at it. A breath caught in his throat. It was torn with threads fraying at the edges and wet with blood. No, no, no.

               Only a piece of Thomas’ shirt was all that remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudo and comment! 
> 
> please let me know what you think :P
> 
> I have so many ideas about where this fic can go and i have a hard time picking one! the next chapter will come up sometime this week, alright? so stay tuned!
> 
> also please be sure to read the tags! thomas isn't dead in this story, if you're worried about that....we will see him again someday ;)


	2. See You Later, Buddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ain’t no fairytale,_  
>  _What I see in your eyes_ ,  
>  _Awaiting your mistake,_  
>  _Not too close, not too far_  
>  from Siames - The Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: fight, blood imagery (not too detailed)

 

Logan sat there staring at the torn fabric for god knows how long. His eyes stung. When did he start crying? This wasn’t real. _Roman, I hate your little scenarios, get me out of here._

No one answered.

               His chest ached with bone deep loneliness. Logan inhaled shakily. He finally tucked the piece into a pocket. He can examine it again later. Logan looked around at the concert and took it again with fresh eyes.

               Odd. Clothing was thrown haphazard everywhere, torn and bloody. Logan pressed himself against the wall as he stood up. He was trying to piece it together in his mind. It was as if people had simply just… exploded. He took a step and grimaced as something crunched underneath. Tiny pieces of bone no doubt.

               Did that mean Thomas was dead? No, there wasn’t enough data to be conclusive of that, because his idea of the world had been shattered. Magic was a thing now, apparently. Roman would be no doubt ecstatic, “over the moon” as it were. Patton had to explain it once.

               Logan leaned on a seat and immediately recoiled. A new spot of blood stained his arm. It hadn’t congealed yet. It still dripped although sluggish at this point. He wiped it on his shirt. How utterly unsanitary.

               A bark came down from the row. He whipped around to the sound and froze. It was a black wolf, but the skin was pulled taut over its bones, but in some places, it wasn’t enough. Its head was a skull crowned by its dark fur. The tail was a white blur as it bounded up to him. The bleached white paws clicked on the tiled floor of the hall.

               Its ears perked up in delight as it ran at him and Logan was at a loss on how to handle an eldritch beast from hell. His body moved quicker than he could think. Logan fell back with a clumsy thud. He let out a scream. It screeched to a halt.

               It tilted its head and Logan felt a shiver down his spine as he saw a glance of the hound’s spine through the thick fur as if it was an ornament. God, did it have no flesh? Blackness stared back at him from its empty eye sockets. Another bark and the click of teeth on teeth made his hackles stand on end. It was too close for comfort.

               “G-go away,” Logan said, “Bad dog.”

               A low whine as it stepped closer. Logan crawled back at its approach. It froze and hunched into its shoulders. The ears drooped. A guttural woof echoed from its maw despite its lack of…everything.

               “Leave me alone. Didn’t you hear me?” Logan said acerbic, “Kill me already if you want to but I do _not_ need some hell-beast following me around.”

               It shook its head as it walked in a circle. It was thinking. Logan might be crazy, perhaps his processors were damaged from the spell, but he thought it understood him. Magic existed so why not magical beasts while they were at it? The world is insane. He was insane.

               It looked at him again. It had no eyes, but Logan liked to think it was looking at him. A small shred of comfort in this madness. Logan now realized it was about the largest wolf he’s ever seen. The severe lack of muscle and fat had only obscured that fact. He swallowed.

               Logan stood up and saw it flinch back. Or maybe he was wrong, and it wouldn’t hurt him. Logan turned for the exit and scowled as he heard the telltale pitter patters following him. He turned and glared. Its tail curled between its legs and looked away.

               Logan moved again to the neon green exit sign leading out to the surrounding park. He yelped as he felt matted fur rub against his hand. Insufferable mutt. Maybe it was obtuse and dull. Logan put his hands on his hips. The wolf wilted under his stare and its snout dipped to the floor. He didn’t doubt for a moment it was trying to pull puppy eyes on him. Eyes or not.

               “Why do you follow me?” Logan said incensed, “I will be fine on my own without caring for some clingy canine.”

               A low growl came from it with its ears pulled back. Quicker than he could react, it nipped at his shirt and shook it, and looked at him again. Another snappish bark.

               “What!” Logan said pulling away and shouted harsh, “I don’t understand you! Shut up, you, you _stupid dog!_ Just go! I don’t need you!! _LEAVE ME ALONE!_ ”

               He could hear its bones rattling through the hot blood pumping in his ears. It was afraid of him. He ignored a flash of regret. He can’t, he just can’t, why should he have a dog when Thomas never did? Never got the chance to?

               Logan stormed through the exit doors and took in a shaky breath of the night air. No pitter patters followed him. _Good._ It’s not like he wanted some beast straight from Virgil’s nightmare realm haunting him everywhere. He was happy. Yes, he was pleased, and his chest did not ache even louder than before.

               There were more bundles of ripped clothing on the ground outside covered in grass and blood. He wrapped his arms around himself in the sudden cold. How strange, he remembered the weather app telling him it was going to be a warm and clear evening. A shiver wracked through him as he saw shadows twist at the edges of his vision.

               He made his way out of the park and into the city street. It was quiet. Miami may not be the bustling hubs of New York City or Los Angeles, but it was never this silent. There was always the hum of cars and the buzz of night owls wandering around. It wasn’t even that late, but he didn’t have a phone on him to check.

               He turned a corner on the street where he thought was the direction of where Thomas left his car when a gasp escaped him. At the intersection there was a seven-car pileup and he could see the stark white airbags from here. Logan looked around, there was nobody else here, no police or ambulances.

               He ran full tilt at the mess of metal and glass. Pages of first aid flew through his head. He cursed himself for not taking the time to find Thomas’ cell phone. Although likely it was already stolen in the confusion while he was passed out. He swore.

               “What,” Logan whispered as he slowed to a stop, “Happened here?”

               There were holes in the cars’ roofs as if something had punched its way out in all of them. Logan squatted to look at the glass and realized it had been shattered from the inside-out. Every car had the same variation of scratches on the leather and doors forcibly broken open from the inside. A grey SUV looked the nastiest out of the seven cars, the front had caved in from a Ford, but the back of the car was twisted beyond all recognition.

               A loud trumpet noise echoed from one of the streets. That…That sounded like an elephant? Logan looked back at the mangled SUV and the pieces started to click together. _Absurd, Logan, that’s absurd._ Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to discount it. He was in the real world and magic exists now. Who knows what kind of slander was happening against the treasured laws of physics?

               A meaty hand yanked him hard by his arm and before he could scream, he was thrown into the dark of an alley and away from the glare of the street lamps. Flinty eyes shone in the darkness. Logan adjusted his tie and cleared his throat, “Why in the world did you do that?”

               The person looked like they had stepped straight out of a black and white detective noir film. Their skin, eyes, everything was in a shade between black and white. They even had a classic fedora hat, Logan noticed with envy. Black curls framed their face as they finally spoke, voice low and gruff, “Did no one tell you there are things in the sky now?”

               “Things?” Logan said perplexed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.”

               “Beasts! Like straight out of fairytale land. Pegasus, dragons, griffins and any rat with wings flew far and fast as they could from the clusterfuck they came from. Boy, didn’t you see the stampedes of every animal on God’s green Earth? All over Miami! Had to shoot some of em’ myself out of self-defense. You get it. Little buggers were clingy.”

               “Yes! Yes. I saw a hellhound myself, and I normally don’t doubt my senses, but it’s nice to verify my findings with someone else.” Logan said with relief, finally, someone else to talk to.

               Their eyes twinkled and came closer. They towered on him by a few inches. “I’m Perception, nice to meet’cha.”

               “The same to you,” Logan said as his hand was pulled into a rough handshake, “My name is Logic. I represent Tho--never mind. Force of habit.”

                “I should’ve known with those glasses of yours,” Perception said, “Now do you want to see the current state of the world, egg head?”

               Logan touched the bruise on his head, “The swelling may look like an egg, but I can assure I don’t have any dairy products in my skull.”

               Perception squinted at him and shook his head, “Forget it. There’s a fire escape right over there. I’ll help you up, okay?”

               There was indeed a fire escape a little further down the alley. Perception thrusted Logan up with his hands locked under his foot. The ladder was cold and clammy, but he pulled himself up. The staircase clanged as he finally made it up. He let the ladder down and kept going upwards.

               Unfortunately, despite Patton and Logan’s collaboration on an exercise plan, Thomas was still dreadfully out of shape. Logan still represented Thomas from what he could tell. Perception just laughed at him at the eighth story mark.

               Finally, they made it to the roof after twenty stories and a few breaks. The wind whistled through his hair, he could tell his fringe was still purple, and he couldn’t even stay angry at it. A large hand landed on his shoulder, and he jumped, “Virgi—Oh excuse me, Perception. So why did you bring me up here?”

               As Perception looked away, Logan shrugged their hand off not too unkindly. They didn’t even seem to notice. The excessive contact and casualness unnerved him.

               Perception waved a hand towards the night sky, it really was clear after all, Logan’s breath caught in awe.

               Great big dragons that blotted out the stars in the sky as they flew. Nothing more than dark outlines that reflected the moon’s light on their scales. Logan leaned forward on the brick edge of the roof. Fascinating. Even if dragons were the product of ancient misconceptions about fossils, they still held such poignant grace, he longed to look at these new species up close.

               “Ah ah,” Perception tutted as they pulled up their grey coat, “Don’t get too star struck. Once you’ve seen them burn huge swathes of terrified animals and people, I wouldn’t touch em’ with a ten-foot pole, not for a million dollars. Besides, there is something off about them.” 

               “Something?” Logan turned to them with a smile, “You can’t even give a specific example?’

               “Something is off,” Perception said, expression unusually pensive, “I think it’s their eyes. Not fury or wrath. Not at all, but a strange kind of _glee_ , like a kid. Sick in the head, you know?”

               Logan bit back a tirade on mental health. Perception wouldn’t care. Instead his gaze fell to the streets far below. A pride of lions had broken into a convenience store. They ran away with the unmistakable green of bills in their mouths, dollars fluttering behind in their rush, and a phoenix screeching after them. Logan turned his head. A deer, its fur pink as cotton candy, walking through the streets with its antlers scratching windows as it went past. It was two stories high.

               Out of curiosity, he glanced into the dark of an alley on the other side of the street. He squinted as hard he could into the shadows. A cat came to a stop at the entrance of the alley to lick its tabby paws. A hand came out of the darkness, then another, and another, six human hands pulled the startled cat into a dark mass too hard to discern from here. It wasn’t human shaped but an odd sort of blob that convulsed unnaturally. Logan looked away and tried not to think of the poor cat.

               “Not all of them are sunshine and rainbows,” Perception said, “The human psyche is, uh, fucked up in all shades of the spectrum.”

               Logan whipped around, “What?”

               Perception rubbed their thumb in some sort of calming motion, “You’re logic, aren’t you? Then can you help me confirm a theory of mine?”

               “Y-yes if I can within my own power,” Logan said as he pushed his glasses. Puzzles. Something he wasn’t unfamiliar with at all. He can admit to himself he wants to impress the first person he’s met outside of the other sides.

               “Maria, uh, my host? Yeah, she’s a journalist, proud of her,” Perception put their hands on the brick railing, “She was in the front row. Worked hard to get it, too. Her boss is one smarmy sonvabitch but he’s fair.”

               Logan reached out a hand but pulled it back. Perception hunched down, their chin pressed down into their chest. They breathed.

               “She was supposed to get an interview of this guy, hyped up in secret circles for weeks, but he kept telling her to wait after the show. He knew, he fucking knew, didn’t he? Fucking Dumbledore pulled a fast one on me.”

               “Perception,” Logan said.

               They kicked the wall and immediately spat out curses. Logan didn’t know how they expected any other result. But he had no right to call out other people’s coping mechanisms right now. Patton would haunt him if he interrupted someone during their ‘feelings time’.

               “I heard everything he said,” Perception said, their dark eyes shining, “The spell and what he wanted to do. I still can’t believe it’s true.”

               “What did he want to do?” He asked hushed.

               “Some bullshit monologue about revealing your true inner selves. Spoiler alert, that was us, and then afterwards, while the whole hall was a petting zoo, he said something else, too. He said only one of the fragments will be able to speak, the spell will turn with the moon’s wax, and truth will reveal itself to you if you only look for it.”

               Logan frowned, “Fragments? Do you think he meant us? Sides, pieces, fragments are all things that imply they are a part of a greater whole.”

               “Bingo,” Perception said and gestured between the two of them, “We can waggle our tongues, right? _Only one of the fragments,_ us, _will be able to speak._ ”

               “But why only us? Does that mean everyone else can’t?” Logan patted his pockets and was surprised to realize he still had his flashcards, “Where’s the rest of our…fahm?”

               “What,” Perception said and shook their head, “But what did he mean by moon wax?”

               “I presume every waxing moon, the spell will change, or enter a new phase as implied by referencing the moon’s periods.”

               Perception became somber as the last of the warning loomed over the atmosphere, “Don’t bother figuring out the last one, Logic, I already figured it out.”

               Logan took in Perception’s dark profile lit by the moon in surprise, “Excellent work, then! What is it?”

               Perception unbuttoned their cuffs and rolled down his left sleeve with a rough yank. Logan stepped back. What was he—oh. He came closer to look at their greyscale arm in detail.

               “…May I?” Logan asked, and Perception gave a gruff nod, and Logan gently pulled their arm closer to inspect it under his glasses. It was a simple black tattoo of two foxes clutching each other and there were clear burn marks on their fur. It was the first time Logan has seen color on Perception, a person made entirely of grey, and it was the dark red of congealed blood on grey fur.

               “They died,” Perception said softly, “They found me and didn’t care if there were twenty dragons flying overhead drunk on newfound power. By luck or fate, they _found_ me on some random street. I didn’t even know it was the twins.”

               Logan let his hands fall away.

               “You have to understand,” They paused with a shaky inhale, “At that point I thought every dumb critter in the world had gone insane and I shot any that caused trouble. So, I ran inside from the dragons like anyone would in their right mind, and I heard them die on the other side. I ran and had locked the doors. It was only later when I was checking myself for burns that I saw the damn drawings. And more too.”

               They rolled their sleeves back up and patted their chest and the back of their neck. Tattoos, _clever_ , they were the key to identifying the others! Suddenly, his mind flashed back to the bloody mess that was the concert hall. His heart clenched, no, _no_ he cannot accept that the other sides are dead already.

               Perception looked at him, their eyes piercing as if he knew what Logan was thinking. They raised a hand to comfort him. Their grey face deep set with pity and understanding. Logan wrenched away and stormed over to the fire escape.

               “Logic,” Perception called, “Don’t be a such sourpuss and face the facts. It’s an ugly world out there. Come on, your name is Logic, you and I both know it’s a cruel world.”

               Logan was turned roughly to face them, his arms bruising under their large hands, “Stay with me, Logic, we can be pals. We ain’t no dumb animals.”

               The air of twenty stories whistled by under his back. One wrong move and he’ll be pushed over the edge. Logan stared back and couldn’t resist spitting out, “You shot animals, other sides, you _killed_ them. Now, people will be never, _ever,_ be whole again because of you. And you will _never_ be with Maria again.”

               Perception shook him hard until he saw black spots, “ _Shut up!_ ”

               “You said the spectrum of the human psyche is all ‘ _fucked up’_ , but I refuse, I simply _refuse_ to believe that’s true. If I cannot always believe the good in people, the opposite must be true.” Logan said, memories of pouring over research for Thomas’ sketches came back to him, “The miasma of human existence is too broad to generalize like that. I’m sorry about your family dying but your utter lack of compassion only worked against you. Killing me will only confirm it. _It’s all your fault_.”

               Perception screamed and pulled Logan off the edge and threw him onto the cement. Logan tumbled and gasped at the pain of new scrapes and abrasions forming from his rough landing. His heart was pounding a hundred miles a minute.

               A thought came to him, like the sun peeking through a cloud, he wasn’t gambling with just his own life but Thomas’ life, too. Where was Virgil and his overly cautious nature when he needed him? Or Patton and his excellent ability to comfort people in times of need? Roman would at least give him a few pointers on how to best rephrase what to say.

               A boot kicked him into the gut and all thought flew out the window. It came again, and he felt his ribs crack, and again. More and more kicks. Over and over. His glasses fell off somewhere. Those big gruff hands, pulled him upright, and his face blossomed with pain. Left cut, right uppercut, his teeth rattled and remembered blurrily between punches not to bite on his tongue.

               He wanted to fight back. Anything. But he was pinned to the floor, he tried to claw at their face, but a swift punch to the throat immediately discouraged that. Out of breath and out of options, Logan didn’t know what to do but wait until they tired out.

               Through his bloody and swollen sockets, he didn’t fail to see the glint of metal, and his breath came back to him in a rush. Perception mentioned multiple times they had a gun. Of course. The halfwit _was_ going to kill him.

               A bark cut through the tense air.

               No.

               Perception turned to look and ignored the frantic clawing from the man pinned beneath him. The hellhound’s hackles were raised, and its skull look bleached in the moonlight. It snarled as it came closer from the fire escape.

_No._

               He watched the glint of the gun turn not to the hound, but to him, and his breath stuttered to a stop as he felt the hot metal press hard into his cheek.

               The hound stopped. But the growls grew only louder, and its tail wagged with agitation. Logan gripped Perception’s arm but it was no use. Tears sprang to his eyes, not now, he had to think. Thoughts flew around frantic in his head. Plans and strategies bumped into each other in their confusion.

               The muzzle of the gun was hot as if it was used recently. It was. They even admitted it. Logan looked up at Perception with wide eyes as his breath quickened. He was Logic. Logic, _logic,_ he can’t be outsmarted by some imaginary detective.

               He can’t, he _can’t,_ his hands prickled with static from how tight he was holding onto Perception’s arm in desperation. _Please, I can’t die in front of him. It would kill him. He would never_ —Then something clicked deep within his processors. No, he _won’t **.**_

               They didn’t even notice the dark brown of his eyes shift from terror into pure unfiltered fury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh cliff hanger! 
> 
> and if you want to know the references i used for virgil, it is [here,](https://img00.deviantart.net/eec0/i/2011/187/d/e/skull_dog_thing_by_alpinefever-d3l7bdg.png) [also here](https://img00.deviantart.net/a75a/i/2010/365/a/e/skulldog_by_13_angels_death-d3647tm.png), [and this](https://scontent-lga3-1.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/e35/24331717_2050337988531909_5185656467088211968_n.jpg), [and as creepy as this thing but without the glowy stuff](http://33.media.tumblr.com/5c3694ea7fab4459fd51747db6a33602/tumblr_nuq8pamJCb1r5w3xio1_500.gif)
> 
> actually the all of the above stuff was one of the things that inspired me to write this lol
> 
> please leave a kudos and comment! feel free to bookmark it so you don't miss updates :P
> 
> next chapter, logan will find the "truth" on him, wink wink, and it will come later this week!


	3. I Don't Want to Let Go of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I need you to wake me,_  
>  _Wake me from a bad dream,_  
>  _The one inside of me_  
>  -Evil Never Sleeps by Above Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, angst

               “Look you have a pet aw, Lolo, can I call you Lolo?” Perception said and dug the muzzle deeper, “Listen, Lolo, I’ve been doing some thinking. Since the twins are dead, it feels something just _snapped_ in me, and I realize now its not grief but freedom.”

               “I want to see the world and not stuck as some chemical processes and mental makeup. My work’s done! She’s dead, that’s it, and I’m free. I can free everyone else too.”

               Oh, Logan _burned_ with wrath, “You’re an idiot.”

               Perception glared down at him, “Stop saying that.”

               “Nincompoop, Unimaginative, and a brute.” Logan said and yelped as he earned another smack that made his bruises sing, “You say that you don’t need her, Perception,”

               “I don’t!” they said high pitched and desperate, their eyes shiny as they looked down at him. The 'I need you' went unspoken.

               “Falsehood,” Logan said.

               A black blur tackled Perception and Logan could finally breath. His ribs screamed in protest. Never mind, breathing was overrated, Logan turned on his side. _Red is in fashion tonight, isn’t it? Roman would like that. A whole night dedicated to the color red._

Virgil, or at least he hoped it was, was tearing through their throat like a new chew toy. Their blood splattered against the cement. Virgil swung the detective around like a rag doll as they gargled, choking on their own blood. It was oddly memorizing. The glint of the gun twinkled from a corner, thrown in surprise, still warm from a night of use.

               Perception was limp now in Virgil’s jaws. He spat out the crazed side and turned to Logan. He froze, his teeth dripping with blood and flesh. It was a nightmarish sight. And he knew it. Virgil’s body bent low in shame and terror as they stared at each other.

               Logan cleared his throat and willed his voice to sound unaffected, “Leave it to you, Virgil, to go straight for the _jugular_ of the matter. You solve problems more than you realize, Virgil. Thank you.”

               Virgil pulled back in surprise and then jumped around in him in joy, yipping.

               Once he calmed down, Virgil came closer to inspect him. He hissed in pain as Virgil prodded him with his snout. Virgil pulled back and seemed to bark a whole lecture at him. His eye sockets empty as always but Logan could believe it was dark with _anger._ Or terror.

               Logan curled into himself, “You can stop lecturing me now, Virgil,”

               Virgil snapped out another woof.

               “Yes, yes, you can call me thick later, but I’m bruised all over,” Logan adjusted himself to sit up and groaned with pain, “I think I talked too much again,”

               Virgil tugged roughly at his shirt. A new wave of agony pulsed through him, “Stop. That is painful.” Another deep growl, “Fine! Fine! I am going to look at it, shoo.”

               He blinked down at his shirt and couldn’t see the dark buttons, “…I need my glasses.”

               Virgil laid his head down on his thigh and the glint of his glasses shone in the moonlight. Logan picked them up from between Virgil’s teeth and awkwardly patted him on the head. Virgil leaned into it. He gave a small happy boof from Logan’s lap.

               Logan unbuttoned his shirt and took off his tie. The first thing he saw was a tattoo of a black hellhound practically frothing at the mouth and its hackles raised. It stood its ground on the curve of his stomach. If it had skin, Logan would no doubt see it pulled over its teeth in an ugly snarl. Now, there was no doubt; the tattoo and the hellhound on his lap were the one and same. _Virgil._  

               Logan moved on to the rest of his chest. He winced at the new blossoming orange bruises all over him. Some in the shape of a boot print. Virgil turned to look at the cooling corpse and snarled. Logan was lying if he didn’t say he was touched. As horrific his current form was, Virgil was a classic overprotective dog, even if it looked like he came straight from Hell.

               “I was wrong, Virgil,” Logan said quietly, and Virgil’s head whipped around with a rattle, his ears high with rapt attention, “I think it is better that we stick together.”

               Virgil bumped his head into his chest and gave a soft boof of approval.

               Logan tried to get his shirt off but swore loudly at the new stings of pain. A concerned whine answered him. Logan looked down at his best friend and said sheepish, “Can you help me take all of this off?”

               Silence.

               Logan reddened, “I need to find the clues to find the others. We have no idea if they are still human or god knows what! And I can’t see my back at all. So, I need your help.”

               Virgil stood back up and Logan followed the sound of claws clicking against the cement until it stopped behind him. A rough tug on his shirt, “Fuck! Virgil!” Logan cried out in agony but pulled out an arm from a sleeve, “Stop! I need to catch my…breath.” Logan panted heavily half shirtless, “As always, gentle doesn’t seem to be part of your vocabulary, and now my shirt has teeth marks as well as blood stains. This day just gets better and better,”

               A wet gasp strangled out of him as Virgil pulled the rest of it off without warning. Logan swore filthy murder. He shuddered. The cold air thankfully soothed his hot mess of skin. Logan bit back a whimper as Virgil dropped the shirt in his lap. No finesse whatsoever. Logan huffed.

               Virgil walked slow around him. Logan could feel the weight of his gaze and the vulnerability of it made his skin crawl. It was Virgil, he’s known him all his life, it was absurd. Yet, he’s only been their best friend the past year, and there was so much he didn’t know about him. He was Anxiety but what did he _do_?

               Virgil nipped him on the left shoulder, “Virgil! Ow, was that necessary?”

               Logan looked down and his eyes widened. The tattoo there was a griffin that had the body of a calico cat and the head and wings of a hawk. The calico coloring of orange and black spots against a white body complemented well with the dark golden hue of its bird half. The griffin tattoo sat with its wings tight against its back and beak tilted up to the sky. It even had soft cat ears framing its feathered face.

               Logan’s brows furrowed. Only problem was, it had no eyes, only soft pits of fur instead. It looked old, so they were not torn out during the night. _Good._ He kept looking. Suddenly, his breath left him in a rush. There were unmistakable burns circling its paws, the moonlight was too faint for him to be sure, but if Logan had to guess they were rope burns. Rope. Burns.

               Logan knew, without any explanation, it must be Patton.

               His head swam and the feeling of wanting to throw up was overwhelming. Virgil woofed in concern. Or at least he thought it was concern. Logan rode out the rolling sensations of sick for the next few minutes. It seems human limitations had finally caught up with him. No more imaginary hand waving it away. He had a mild concussion and bruises, too. They won’t go away for a few weeks at least. Logan grimaced and forced himself to get his thinking back on track.

               Logan blinked and looked back up at Virgil, “You’re not blind by any chance, are you?”

               Virgil seemed to bark out a whole sentence. No doubt with his witty sarcasm.

               Logan narrowed his eyes, “Bark once for yes and bark twice for no.”

               Two annoyed barks.

               “You’re not blind, good,” Logan absently started to pet Virgil by the scruff of his neck, the only place with abundant dog hair, “You have no eyes, yet you can still see, it should make no sense, unless,” Logan pushed his thoughts through the crowd of pain that shouted at him, “Unless, you and Patton are different.”

               Virgil leaned into him, but Logan was too wrapped up his thoughts to notice the rare affection from the side, “However you’re both magical creatures, my guess a hellhound, but we _will_ visit a library as soon as we can,” A low whine answered, “Yes, Virgil, a library. Now, Patton is a griffin. Blind and trapped, at that.”

               Virgil gave a low ruff.

               “Roman?” Logan raised an eyebrow, “I wonder what he is. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a unicorn. Or some other extravagant and over the top animal.” 

               Virgil stood up and walked again behind Logan’s back. He yelped as he felt wet teeth nip at the small of his back. H-how _highly_ inappropriate _!_ His neck flushed. Virgil was taking advantage of this rare opportunity to make fun of him, wasn’t he?

               Virgil bounded back around to him. Logan watched him with crossed arms as Virgil seemed to act something out. What was he doing? Virgil skipped and pranced all over the roof. His tail held ramrod high. “Are you trying to make a fool out of yourself?”

               Virgil stopped and snapped out a bone-rattling bark.

               “There is no need for such language,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “Use your words.”

               A deep growl answered.

               Logan raised an eyebrow.

               Virgil ran over to Logan and nipped again at the griffin tattoo. Logan was too sluggish from pain to move away as Virgil bit him on the small of his back again. Logan glared in indignation. Then it him. Roman’s tattoo must be on his back.

               “Are you acting out what Roman is?”

               One bork.

               Logan fidgeted with his shirt in his lap as he concentrated, “Is he a magical creature?”

               Virgil fell back down on his lap and barked twice for no.

               Huh. How odd. Logan bit his lip, “Is he a cat of any kind?”

               Two barks.

               “A canine, big or small?”

               Two barks.

               Logan frowned. It ruled out many possibilities like lions, Pegasus, and show dogs. If there was every animal and beast possible roaming this city, there was simply too many to narrow down. If only he could still conjure mirrors (or even a first aid kit). There was something about being _real_ that wasn’t so in the mindscape. The mind palace was only a fleeting impression, shadows on a cave wall, of true existence. Plato’s allegory of the cave seemed depressing instead of usually delighting him.

               For now, Logan had to figure out how to communicate with Virgil, “Does it have one word, Virgil?”

               One bark, “Does it have two letters?”

               Two barks, “Three?”

               A silence. Virgil finally huffed out two barks.

               “Four letters?” Logan asked as he started to pet Virgil behind the ears out of habit. One loud woof. Four letters then, that wasn’t so bad, it narrowed the choices down considerably.

               “Bear?”

               Virgil stood up and huffed. He pranced again around Logan. The pitter patters of his paws against the cement were so delicate and quiet. Logan adjusted his glasses. Oh, he never expected that at all.

               “A deer?” Logan said amused and Virgil bounded over to him with one large victorious bark, “Do you think that was deliberate or the spell is just random?”

               A cacophony of barks and yips answered, “Well said, Virgil.”

               Logan yelped as he felt an offended nip on his flank. Logan glared. Virgil bumped his shoulder roughly. He could almost hear Virgil’s witty quip with it. His hidden grin. Before he could stop himself, he pulled Virgil close into his arms. Immediately bones poked at odd angles into his chest and arms, but he ignored it. The brush of fur tickled his nose as he dug his face into Virgil’s neck, dusty with old blood and soot. _Soot?_ Logan held him tight and started to pull away, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t ask your permission, Virgil. I’d like to apologize for hugging yo—”

               Virgil pressed back hard, almost bowling Logan over with how much he disagreed, “Ow, ow, my chest. Virgil, please.”

               Logan blinked rapidly, his vision blurring, and held Virgil in his arms tightly despite his pain. Tight enough that the deep ache in his chest seemed to ease. Just a little bit. But it was nowhere near enough as sharing the same soul, the same _Thomas_ , at all. How did Thomas do it? Living a life all on his own.

               His priority shifted now, not just to live for Thomas’ sake, but to find the others. Patton seemed to be blind and trapped. He knew even less about Roman other than he was a deer. He didn’t even know his size, color, or injuries. Virgil, at least, had found Logan first but Logan had an inkling that _being_ a monster would hurt all of Virgil’s hard work over the past year.

               Logan peeked over to the corpse in the corner and the gun not far from it. Logan flinched and looked away and buried his face into Virgil’s bony shoulder. It didn’t disappear. He thought the corpse would just fade away like any of Roman’s creations. But it didn’t. Even if Virgil killed them, Logan felt that he did too, he was the one who failed to talk Perception down and instead goaded them. He felt sorry for the side who had gone mad with grief and loneliness. So much so that they latched on to anyone they met.

                “I won’t make any mistakes,” Logan whispered faintly, “And I won’t let any of you down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww Logan finally figured it out that it was Virgil!!! so fluffy
> 
> and the other sides have been revealed! oh no it seems patton is blind and bound by ropes, oh noo, what happened to him??
> 
> i guess we will have to see! and i know that the sides being turned into their particular forms seems like strange choices but there is a reason!! 
> 
> and i have to warn ya, the next chapter is bit of a time skip, finding leads isn't easy ;)
> 
> leave kudos and comments!! bookmark or subscribe if you want to keep up with updates :P


	4. Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Musing through memories,_  
>  _Losing my grip in the grey._  
>  _Numbing the senses,_  
>  _I feel you slipping away._  
>  _Fighting to hold on,_  
>  _Clinging to just one more day_  
>  _Love turns to ashes,_  
>  _With all that I wish I could say._  
>  -Still Here by Digital Daggers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst

_Patton looked over the puzzle books in the bright green bookcase. There was one missing, weird. However, he really had to hand it to Logan, otherwise the detail was perfect. It was a near exact copy of the nurse’s office that Thomas went to last week. Although, the books belonged to Logan. Patton smiled as he realized it was the Alice in Wonderland puzzle book missing. Logan must've taken it back to his room._

_“Morality, can you sit down?” Logan said as he finished his notes on his clipboard, “I want to say thank you for being on time.”_

_“Aw shucks you don’t have be so formal,” Patton said as he sat down on a chair, “It’s just us here, Logan.”_

_“Never mind that,” Logan said, “You’re ten years old and far overdue for an eye exam.”_

_Patton blinked through his thick glasses, “What? I’ve never had one.”_

_“Exactly,” Logan said and looked up, “You’re the last side I have left to check your eyesight. In fact, you’re the entire reason why I wanted to do this in the first place.”_

_Patton squirmed in his seat, “Whatever for, kiddo?”_

_“Thomas’ eyesight is perfectly normal,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “While yours is not. I’ve noticed your excessive blindness without your glasses. The very same ones since as far back I can remember.”_

_Logan twirled around on his stool to gesture to an eye-chart on the opposite wall of Patton. His heart sank as he realized the letters started to blur after five lines down. Oh boy. So, what if he needed glasses? He was fine._

_Logan pointed to the sixth line down and raised an eyebrow._

_“E. D. F. C,” Patton said confident and sure, “I don’t get what the big deal is!”_

_“Take your glasses off,” Logan said, “Please, Patton,”_

_“Do I have to?” Patton said, “Fine, you really worked hard on this, didn’t you?”_

_Patton took them off and immediately his sight went blurry. He could still see the bright green of the bookcase and Logan’s white nurse lab coat. He turned back to the chart. Patton squinted until the dark outlines become readable._

_“Try again but this time with the third row,” Logan said._

_“…F, I think! And Q. No, is that an O? And and…” Patton trailed off into silence. Logan put down his rocket pen and stood up. Patton didn’t even notice the logical side walking over to him. Logan put a gentle hand on his shoulder and Patton slumped against him. His stomach was bony, and Patton wished he could learn to make something other than PB &J. _

_“You should eat more, Logan,” Patton said, “It worries me.”_

_Patton blinked as Logan carefully put back his glasses for him. The world came back, not crystal clear, but better than it was before. He saw Logan looking at him with an expression he couldn’t name. Not for the first time, Patton wondered if they overlapped more than Logan would like to admit._

_“Why?” Patton said, “Why do you even need to test me on this, anyways?”_

_“Because what if your vision gets worse, Patton,” Logan said, “I have an idea on why we wear glasses and I didn’t want to tell until I knew for sure.”_

_“Well, out with it.”_

_“I represent Thomas’ logical thinking, right? The primary enemy of reasoning is bias. I learned that word last week in the dictionary. It is what makes me need glasses.”_

_“So, you’re saying without your judgement, your vision gets clouded with bees?” Patton said confused. He thinks he gets it. Maybe._

_“Bias,” Logan corrected, “However my vision isn’t as bad as yours. I believe the phrase ‘love is blind’ or even ‘justice is blind’ might explain your problem. Maybe even both.”_

_That never occurred to him. Huh. “So, what are my glasses then?”_

_“You.” Logan said, “Your morals, standards, and ethics. Everything that stops you from turning a blind eye to something wrong. Or someone. Your enemy is ignorance.”_

_“Oh,” Patton took off his glasses and folded them with a click and stared down at them in his lap, “But I feel so awkward tattling on other kids. I hate it. But Jimmy stole that kid’s milk! What am I supposed to do? And I can’t believe fifth grade is next year! Oh, it feels so many things are changing, and I don’t like it. I see it and why can’t I stay as I am right now?”_

_Patton fidgeted, “Instinct has been getting so distant lately. I know he's still new but... And Princey hardly ever comes to dinner anymore too.”_

_“Yes, you wouldn’t believe how rude Instinct was to me during his exam. I was surprised he even showed up. I don’t know why I was surprised but I was.”_

_Patton wrapped an arm around Logan’s back as he rested his head against his stomach. Patton said quietly, “Remember how it was just us? Just you and me? Why can’t we be three years old again.”_

_Logan drew in a breath to reply. Patton closed his eyes as he remembered Logan going off on a tangent about time travel. How it was so much easier to guide Thomas with two other sides. Then finally finishing his eye exam properly. Turns out Logan was right, over the years as moral dilemmas came and gone, his vision got worse. While Logan’s only improved until it fell short by a few degrees of perfect eyesight. But here in an old memory, a week after going to the nurse, it felt like it was just the two of them again. It was one of Patton’s happiest memories._

Logan leaned over the mess of open books on the desk as he tried to ignore Virgil’s incessant pacing between the bookshelves. His claws clicked loudly in the library halls. It’s been a week and nothing much has happened. Camping out in Miami’s biggest library did come with a few perks. Logan was able to wash off his blood stains. He was even able to wash Virgil too with some surprise. However, there were other fragments wandering the halls. Virgil insisted on avoiding them.

               Virgil finished his hourly patrol of the floor and bounded over to Logan, “I think I’ve hit a dead end. I’ve learned everything I could about birds, cats, and blindness in both species. Even read up on griffins and deer and more. Even ‘more’ doesn’t cover nearly half of what we see out there. Some just don’t exist.”

               Logan ran a hand through his hair, he' noticed the purple fringe hasn't faded at all. No, focus. Was there anything left to research? Anything at all? Then it came to him and Logan turned to look at Virgil, “Do you know anything about hot wiring a car?"

               Virgil tilted his head. Logan smirked, “Neither do I. Come on, I think it’s in the Life Skills or Disasters section on the sixth floor.”

               Logan stood up and grabbed a bag as Virgil followed him. In it were big letter blocks found in the kid’s section. Virgil was the one who had the idea to move them around to spell out what he wanted to say. Turns out the 'all and mighty spell' had a few loopholes. Logan went up the stairwell with Virgil scouting up ahead. It also seemed like Virgil has become more paranoid and now hardly ever lets Logan out of his sight.

               Then again, the last time he did, Logan was about to get a new hole in his skull. So, it was understandable.

               “I think I have an idea on where Patton is, but I need to read through those books today,” Logan said, “I promise Virgil, that tonight we will find him. I’m sure this time. I’m positive.”

               Virgil stopped and turned to him. He gave a low snarl and a rough bark. Logan adjusted his glasses, “I know you’re frustrated, Virgil, but we will find him.”

               The library also had large wall mirrors in its bathrooms. He’s kept track of Patton’s injuries in a stolen notebook from a ransacked mall. He was right, Patton was bound, and his skin was starting to get rubbed raw under the ropes. There were also new claw marks, although hard to see with his calico coloring, but there all the same. It troubled them both greatly. Each morning had something new.

               However, Roman was a completely different story. He was a pale deer with brushes of brown on his back like sunlight that had gotten caught in his fur. His wet nose and ears were a soft pink. If he stares too long at Roman, his processors start to shut down from the cuteness overload. Virgil's the same.

               Roman also had no injuries at all. His tattoo was a deer caught in a rare moment of being seen. Its thin legs unsure with its face curious toward the viewer. It almost seemed to ask _should I stay, or should I go?_ Forever frozen in limbo before turning on its tail and running away into the unknown. Or at least that’s how Virgil described it.

               “Virgil,” Logan said, silence, “Virgil!”

               Virgil stopped and turned, and Logan could almost hear his snappish, _What?_

               “W-we can’t stay in Miami,” Logan said as he came to a stop on the fourth stair landing, “Or we can’t find Patton and Roman without figuring out a few things first.”

               Virgil’s tail dropped. Then he stalked down the stairs until his skull came to level with Logan’s face. He leaned back as sulfur and ash overpowered his nose. A low growl. Logan adjusted his tie.

               “I’ll explain on the way after I finish reading,” Logan said, hoping his voice didn’t waver. Virgil snarled and barked so gruff that spit landed on Logan’s glasses. Yes, Virgil had spit, usually when he was particularly frustrated. Virgil’s barks always made Logan’s hackles stand on end, but he refuses to let Virgil goad a reaction out of him.

               “I know what’s best, _Anxiety,_ ” Logan said and pushed past Virgil, “And that includes figuring out a way out of this hellhole.”

               Virgil gave another annoyed woof but followed him up. Logan readjusted his grip on his bag. Yes, by this time tomorrow, Patton will be back with them. _But what if he doesn't? The past five nights has failed so far._ Logan swallowed. He didn’t make mistakes because his name was Logic. That was a fact. Those failed attempts still narrowed down places where Patton _wouldn’t_ be. He blocked out the memory of Virgil’s echoing heart wrenching cries into various warehouses and buildings. Logic doesn’t make mistakes. Ever.

               _Tonight, it was the fifteenth day in a row that Patton ate alone with Logan. The other two sides haven’t shown up at all. Even worse, Logan had his nose buried in a book. Patton tilted his head, it was Thomas’ required reading of Hamlet. Going over it to prepare for the test tomorrow._

_Patton pushed his peas around his plate. His steak was dry and pasta clumpy. Logan hadn’t even noticed. It was also the fifteenth Hard Day in a row. Every afternoon, it was a fight to leave his room to even make dinner at all. And he didn’t even get to see his family eating it._

_Then what was even the point of leaving at all?_

_Patton stood up abruptly, pushing his chair out with a screech, “I’m summoning those two down. Enough is enough.”_

_Logan didn’t say anything to that. His answer was the sound of another page flick. Patton stormed out of the dining room to the commons._

_“Anxiety, Creativity get down here now,” Patton said through gritted teeth in his best Dad voice, “I mean it. If you’re not here in three…. two…”_

_“What’s up?” Anxiety said as he popped in, causing Patton to flinch, he smirked, “What do you want, old man?”_

_“I want you to come eat dinner with us,” Patton said, “Just because you're thirteen, it doesn’t mean you can skip out on me, alright?”_

_Patton turned his head lightening fast over to the corner, “And that goes for you, too, Creativity. Put your quest on hold and come eat with Logic and me.”_

_Creativity stood up from mid-sink out and huffed, “Fine! I’m blaming you if my kingdom crumbles while I’m gone. Honestly, I thought you were the understanding one.”_

_“Have you not considered it won’t enjoy a break from their tyrannical authoritarian ruler?” Anxiety said as they made back to the dining room, “Hey, how about I’ll be Hamlet and kill you, Claudius, and throw your entire kingdom into chaos.”_

_“Oh please, like you could ever be the hero,” Creativity said with a sneer._

_“I don’t know, I think it fits. Remember how Claudius killed the previous king?” Anxiety said, his teeth glinting in the hallway, “And didn’t that kingdom of yours used to belong to Morality? He’s the true King, and you’re the silly Prince.”_

_Creativity slammed Anxiety against the wall, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I look after it just fine! He gave it to me.”_

_“Methinks the prince doth protest too much,” Anxiety said as he pulled the hand off him with surprising strength. Patton moved between them before they did something stupid. “Dinner! Can we focus on eating some dinner, please?”_

_So, there they sat around the dinner table. Anxiety at least told him he liked the food. Patton pushed around his peas some more. Logan kept reading Hamlet as Creativity and Anxiety argued. Patton tried stopping it, but it was like trying to wrangle a tornado. Impossible. He tried every tactic in the book and nothing worked._

_Logan closed his book, “Why can’t we read books in peace? All this idiotic back and forth is distracting. Be quiet.”_

_They did. The sound of forks and knives scrapping on plates echoed through the dining room. Anxiety even passed Creativity the salt with only one back-handed insult with it. Patton watched Logan go back to his book as if he didn’t know the miraculous power he had. The sheer ease of it._

_Patton put his elbows onto the table with a thud as he held his head in his hands. Then he started to cry. The table became deathly silent._

_“Pa—Morality,” Logan said, and Patton cried harder at his voice, “Can you be quiet?”_

_He stood up so fast that his head burst with stars and the chair behind fell back with a slam. Be quiet? Whatever miraculous power Logan had, it didn’t work on Patton, and that gave him an odd sense of happiness. Twisted and wrong. A small part of him wanted him to shut up but a much larger part needed justice._

_“Quiet?” Patton said with a smile as fat tears kept falling down, “Like you’re one to talk, Mister teacher’s pet. You haven’t even talked to me in the past two weeks!”_

_Logan stood up now too, “I thought you enjoyed my company. Didn’t we agree on studying for the exam tomorrow? You’re stressed, I think it’s best that you lie down.”_

_Anxiety and Creativity looked at each other and then back up at the other two. Patton’s heart twinged in his chest. This was new to them. Well shucks if it was their first time seeing them fight then might as well go all out. That small part of him screamed for him to stop. No, he was the father, and he had to put his foot down!_

_“Lie down? Oh, you want to talk about lies, Logic?” Patton said, he hardly ever used Logan’s title like that, “How about how much you deny that you make mistakes! That you’re wrong and that you can be as stupid as me. That you know everything. Or that you’re a robot. That’s a lie and you know I hate lies.”_

_“Thomas is thirteen,” Logan said, his voice cracking, “I-I can’t learn everything there is when Thomas is still so young. And I don’t make mistakes.”_

_Patton fumed as he shot a furtive glance at Anxiety. Logan glanced too and then back at Patton. An entire conversation flew between them in a span of a second. Anxiety didn’t even notice at all. Logan’s face crumpled as it dawned on him what Patton was saying._

_Logan slammed his book down, “So you’re bringing that up? Seriously? How moral of you,” he clapped mockingly, “You know, Morality, you can be utterly awful too. You say you only come out of your room just to see us. Well here we are!”_

_Logan gestured to them at the table. Anxiety looked like a deer in headlights while Creativity hunched into his shoulders. They didn’t know to handle the sudden jump in the conversation that they missed._

_“I’m surprised you can even see us through all of that ignorance,” Logan said, “I don’t understand your need to see us. Look in the mirror if you want to so badly.”_

_Patton’s tears were falling so much that he could hardly see, “Because I love you! I love you all so much. I love hearing about your days. Creativity didn’t even finish the adventure he was telling me about. Or about what flowers Anxiety grew today. And I don’t even hear from you, about the books you’re reading.”_

_“But your stupid feelings bias,” Patton spat and then said before he sank out, “If you hate feelings so much, well then you must HATE ME, TOO!! I **HATE** YOU! I never want to see your jerkface ever again!!”_

_Patton collapsed onto his bed sobbing as he heard a door slam. It was probably Logan’s. Puberty has made Patton feel like a live wire all the time. He hated it. Why can’t he feel normal? Be normal? He always felt better being with the others but now he can’t even get that. Why did he do that? Patton clutched a unicorn plushie. It was a gift from Logan on his seventh birthday. Patton’s little body shook even harder with wracking sobs. He just wanted to see his family. Was that too much to ask? Because what if one day his glasses didn’t work anymore, and his room finally became a black hole, inescapable, that not even light could leave. Then he’d be lost forever._

Orange light steadily lit up the car then darkened again as Logan drove through the near empty highway. Virgil sat in the passenger seat, his demonic form almost too big, but he managed. There were numerous bags of supplies and stuff in the back seats. Virgil insisted on packing way more than necessary. Of course he did, he was Anxiety.

               The steady hum of car noise filled the silence between them.

               There was no radio. All the stations were static. Logan had a feeling this would be the case after he realized internet and cell towers were down city-wide. They discovered that fact on that first morning after the spell. It was perhaps part of an emergency procedure. He didn’t have all the answers and that’s what frustrated him.

               However, Logan was driving out of the city to get one. He had to consider the possibility they could get back to Thomas’ apartment. Now, the road was finally opening to a long smooth stretch. Soon they would reach Miami city limits. Logan smiled, yes, things were going according to plan.

               There it was. The unmistakable green sign that said Miami City Limits in the distance. Then the air shimmered. A trick of the light, nothing more, and pressed the pedal down. Virgil leaned far back as he could in his position.

               Then out of nowhere, a dark brick wall appeared, and Logan swore. He yanked on the emergency brake and twisted the wheel until both Virgil and Logan was pressed against the door. They spun until they slammed against the wall on one side. _Okay so the wall was real_ , Logan thought to himself once his blood stopped being so loud in his ears.

               Logan and Virgil stumbled out of the car in a daze. Logan walked over and pressed a hand against the cool green sign of Miami City Limits. The brick wall was behind it with scant space between them. Logan sighed as he rubbed Virgil’s head. Virgil gave his sassy ‘I told you so’ boof.

               Logan followed the brick wall and saw it extend far above until he was sure it covered all of Miami City.

               “This makes no sense,” Logan said, “An invisible wall that we can’t see until we’re right on top of it. Magic, the new bane of my existence. Augh. Sorry Virgil, I only wanted to confirm that we can’t leave.”

               Virgil leaned into his hand as if to say, _Assume the worst and you’ll never be disappointed, buddy._

“Alright then,” Logan said as they clambered back into his stolen hot-wired car, “Let’s go get Patton.”

               He turned and reversed to head back to downtown Miami, “Maybe you’re right, Virgil, that I make some mistakes. I was wrong about the warehouses, but, it narrowed it down to Patton’s being kept in a school. The very same school notorious for being the largest high school in the Miami area. And the richest. And guess where all that money goes to?”

               Virgil turned to him, the waxing and waning orange light on his skull made him seem even more eerie than usual. Logan smirked and adjusted with his glasses with one hand on the wheel, “The gyms of course. How else can they house something as large as Patton?”

               Virgil bumped his head into Logan’s shoulder and then circled on his seat until he could lay down on it. He dug his head into his sparse fur and drifted off to sleep. Logan glanced down at Anxiety and remembered something from one of his readings over the years. There are no mistakes, only happy little accidents. A rare smile of fondness graced his features as he looked down at the sleeping hellhound. Then turned his gaze back to the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was getting too long so I decided to break it up. also i was too much in the Zone that I didn't even realize that I finished the chapter at 4 am last night (earlier in the morning?) cause like wow. also i cried while writing the above chapter and i realize now it might've been sleep deprivation oops
> 
> so next chapter for sure, we will see Patton! 
> 
> and also, this is what [Roman is inspired off of](http://assets.saatchiart.com/saatchi/43688/art/2416559/1486629-LWLKLHYB-7.jpg). he's so adorable that it legit makes ME cry. also i wanna say that we're starting to approach the moon's wax. believe it or not, things are gonna pick up soon, dun dun dunnn
> 
> as always, leave kudos and comment! they really help me write out the next chapters. bookmarking and subscribing is also a thing if you want to keep up. ANYWAYS, i'm gonna go grab some coffee to properly wake up.


	5. The War Just Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I know nothing at all_  
>  _And I... will stumble and fall_  
>  _I'm still learning to love_  
>  _Just starting to crawl_  
>  Say Something by A Great Big World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: slight angst and small injuries

               Logan drove up to the school and pulled into the parking lot. His lips thinned as he saw the stark white light spill from the gym’s windows. It was a Sunday and a quarter past one in the morning. He was a teacher, so he knew it wasn’t normal school hours. His deductive reasoning may play out after all. He smiled.   

               Logan stepped out of the car with a quiet click of the door. He opened a rear door as Virgil’s claws clicked against the pavement to his side. Logan bent low to search through the bags until he found the small black bag. The corners of lips turned downward as he pulled it out.

               He stuffed Perception’s gun in his back pocket and pulled his shirt over it. Virgil hated the idea. Absolutely loathed it. But it felt counterintuitive to leave it on the roof for anyone else to find it. It shouldn’t be used to hurt anyone else again. However, Virgil called him a hypocrite the minute he told him his plans to get Patton out.

               Virgil nipped him hard on his hand as he shut the door, “I thought you liked planning for the worst-case scenarios. I already considered your input on the matter.”

               Virgil bit him by the belt loops preventing him from walking any further, “Yes, I can hear the crowd in there, I’m not deaf.”

               Logan fell back onto the pavement with a thud. Virgil stood over him. Logan adjusted his tie and stared back, “It is _not_ a stupid idea. I’m not Roman.”

               Virgil’s teeth clicked. Then he downright snarled. Logan pushed Virgil off him and adjusted his tie as he walked over to the dark blue doors leading to the gym inside. His hand quivered over the door knob. He was fine. Logan was fine.

               Virgil pushed against his hip with a bony shoulder. Logan breathed and turned the knob. Immediately the sounds of cheering and screaming became overwhelming. He blinked in the sudden glare as he walked in from the cool night of the parking lot.

               The bleachers were to the right of him and he could see they were full. The gym itself was astronomically large. Then he saw a booth cutting off visitors from the rest of the gym and bleachers ahead. Two men manned it and they looked like fragments of the most terrifying bouncers. One was tall and lean, but his tight shirt alluded to hidden strength with each movement. The other had a thick blonde beard and wore finger gloves. Logan gulped.

               They stood up and loomed over Logan as he came to a stop in front of them.

               “What’s your name?” the tall guy said, his voice nasal as he stared with piercing dark eyes. He made to say his usual response, Logic, but a small voice told him to wait and look around.

               Logan glanced over to the people in the bleachers and had to hold in a gasp. They weren’t fragments. Every time they cheered or screamed, a wand was shaken in victory, and it glinted strangely under the lights. Wizards. He walked straight into danger and he didn’t even know it.

               “…My name is Logan,” Logan said, he felt wrong saying it to them, but held back his deep revulsion, “Now are you going to let me enjoy the show?”

               “Hold up,” the other man spoke up with a pointed finger at Virgil, “Does that hellhound personally follow you around?”

               Logan straightened, his voice slipping into that stern teacher drawl, “Yes, of course it does. I earned it on all my own. This city has also gone off the rails so of course I had to bring it.”

               “You must’ve done some real fucked up shit to have it,” the nasal one said with a hint of suspicion, “But you can’t have that _thing_ sit with you.” 

               Logan folded his hands behind his back and said with eerie calmness, “Would you like me to show you some of things I’ve done? It’s a long list but I can assure you, the hellhound’s is longer.”

               The two men shuffled and looked at each other. They took a long look at his black and purple bruises from his jaw to cheeks. His eyes still faintly purple. Logan tuned out the periodic screeching that came from the audience. Finally, after several heart pounding moments, they nodded to each other, and let them through.

               Logan turned up his nose at him as they walked past. When he heard them mutter ‘wizards’ he felt that he passed. Logan didn’t relax just yet. _Just channel your inner Severus Snape, Logan, you can do this._ Logan took a seat at the far end of the bleachers in the first row. Virgil sat down at Logan’s feet in the best posture he’s ever seen Anxiety do. Virgil looked like a trained military dog. Chills ran down his spine. Normally he was upset about Virgil’s constant bad posture but seeing it fixed made his chest clench instead.

               “Ladies and gents, get ready for the showstopper of the night!” an announcer drawled over the loudspeakers, “Morality! Tonight, it’ll be singing a song, and if it misses a note, then you can correct the beast! If Morality refuses, then it’s curtains for the thing. Haha!”

               A loud cheer came over the audience.

               Logan put a hand on Virgil’s neck. He could feel his exposed bones vibrating with wrath. He calmed under Logan’s subtle ministrations.

               A set of large blue doors on the other side opened with a dramatic bang. Then a group of people walked backwards while tugging on large thick ropes. Screeching echoed through the gym like nails on a chalkboard. Virgil shook his head and gave a quiet whine. There was no need as the cheering become even louder.

               It was Patton. His wings fluttered madly as his claws dug into the tiles for purchase. Anything at all to stop himself from getting inside the gym. His big tail knocked a few people over, but they simply got back to work. The ropes around his paws and neck won out in the end.

               Then they spun him around in the center of the gym. Logan didn’t understand until he remembered Patton was blind. They were trying to make him lose his bearings.

               Sure enough, after a few spins, with lightning fast speed they dropped the ropes and ran back through the door. Patton shot up and ran head first into the right wall. He shook his head in a daze.

               Patton was right there. He was tall enough to have a few feet on Logan if his estimates were correct. He wasn’t big as a dragon, but his size was nothing to sneeze at. He was _right there_. Directly across from him a half court away. Breathing, real, and confused as ever.

               Frantic barking rang through the gym. Logan turned to the empty spot where Virgil sat only seconds before. Logan abruptly stood up as he watched Virgil ran at Patton, barking in relief, and jumping around him. _Virgil, for one day, can you not be Extra?_

Murmurs rolled through the crowd and he could feel their stares turn to him. His neck burned. Logan watched Patton flinch away from Virgil, his golden wings quivering and fur standing on end. His spotted tail tucked between his legs as he stumbled back. According to several books on cat body language, well read into the night, Patton was exhibiting fear and anxiousness.

               Virgil was frightening him.

               Logan started to adjust his tie as he went over his options. The cold metal of his gun pressed against where Roman’s tattoo would be. Yes, that was one of them. However, it only had six bullets left in its magazine. And there were far more wizards here than six and he strongly suspected his accuracy was nowhere near 100%.

               Magic was also a wild card to him. He didn’t know its rules or limitations. What terrible things they could wrought beyond a bullet severely limited his options for escape plans. What to do?

               His processors whirred in his head for an answer.

               Logan finished adjusting his tie.

“Anxiety,” Virgil stopped barking to look at him, “You’re scaring him. He can’t see, remember? Honestly, try to be more considerate.”

               Patton froze. His head slowly turned to face Logan. The gym was silent now. There were a million and one scenarios for this thing to play out and he only had plans for three of them. There were about thirty wizards behind him primed to magic him at any moment. Odds were less than optimal.

               “This could be an extremely touchy-feely moment but eugh,” Logan continued with feigned nonchalance in his voice as he walked closer, “All I have to say is that I’m pleased to see you, LOL.”

               “Lots of Love,” Logan added, “That’s what you said it meant, right?”

               Patton’s tail had shot up into the air quivering with barely contained joy. Several bright meows escaped as Patton clumsily bounded over to Logan. He nearly knocked Logan over and he had to grab ahold of Patton’s soft feathers to regain his balance. Patton switched between happy chirps and rumbling purrs as he rubbed his head against him.

               “Why do you both feel the need to give me tackle hugs when you see me?” Logan then said quiet and timid, “It’s just little old me.”

               Logan yelped as Patton lifted his head with his arms still around it and spun around in an excited circle. Logan shut his eyes as he felt his toes leave the ground from the sheer force. They spun around until Patton stumbled with dizziness.

               His own head was light. Logan staggered against Patton. His fur was so soft and smelled sweetly of his cardigan. He couldn’t help but rub his face into Patton’s neck to muffle his own bubbling giddiness. His smile unrestrained and hidden as he held Patton tight. It was the lavender detergent Roman conjured for Patton on their last laundry day.

               Logan wiped at his eyes as he pulled himself away and noticed that the sealed places where Patton’s eyes would be. He pulled Patton’s head down to his own eye level. Impulsivity coursed through Logan. It was Patton, only Patton. Found against all odds. Logan gave him a quick kiss on his forehead. Patton gave a shrill cry in surprise.

               “Now that’s over with, let’s get out of here,” Logan said as he adjusted his glasses with a cough, “I’ve had my mushy moment quota for today.”

               Patton gave another rumbling purr. Logan turned around to face the audience with Patton brushing against his back and Virgil hunched defensively against his legs. The audience that stared back at him didn’t look pleased to say the least. Dark with anger or confusion. Or a mix of both.

               Logan stepped forward to stand in front of Virgil and Patton. If any wand so much twitch in their direction, he’ll move accordingly. It was part of his job. Virgil may be flight or fight, but Logan would, objectively, rather die than let them get hurt again. Objectively.

               “What kind of wizard are ya?” a voice asked from the sea of faces.

               “Nah, he isn’t one,” another one piped up, “I reckon he’s a civilian.”

               “A civilian?” Logan asked with a blink, “Excuse me? What do you mean by that?”

               More murmurs.

               “Poor guy didn’t understand what happened last week,” a whisper and then louder, “The dark wizard, Zorobabel, killed most of this Earth city’s residents, and then set his Dark Army of Beasts loose upon the survivors.”

               Logan frowned, “I didn’t see a dark army.”

               More sounds of pity from the wizard crowd.

               “You just hugged one,” one of them said with a note of patronizing in his voice, “We’re here to find Zorobabel and clean up his mess. We’ve routinely collected beasts off the streets twenty-four seven to make streets safer for civilians, like you.”

               “We’re the good guys here to fight the bad man.” An older wizard said to him as if he was a child, “We’ll take care of the bad wizard for you.”

               Patton gave a low drawn out meow. He bumped his head against Logan’s back. Not now, Patton, we must get out of here. _Let me think…_

Logan pushed up his glasses, “Falsehood, that’s not what happened at all. He broke up people’s psyches into fragments and brought them to life. However, some got turned into animals. ‘Beasts’. Not entirely sure why but magic isn’t my expertise at all.”

               Quiet arguments broke out in the crowd. It seemed this was news to them. They muttered with disbelief and anger. Then he spotted a quick movement at the corner of his eye.

               “Virgil!” Logan shouted loud and frantic as he threw himself in front of the golden burst of magic. The spell slammed into his chest and knocked his breath out of him. The sheer force of it sent him rolling against the floor.

               He gasped for breath. Several coughs escaped him. His heart pounded in his ears as he felt foreign fingers dig into him. Deep and searching. Then it found his heart and squeezed until he felt it stutter.

               Virgil barked angrily at the curious audience. He stood in front of Logan and Patton with his haunches raised and body low with tension. His teeth clicked with each threatening snarl and growl. Patton keened low and scared as he swept his wings around him to search for Logan.

               Then the spell did its work as it squeezed his heart even further, “Logical assessment, I appear to be under the effects of a spell. Magic is illogical. It must have rules. Rules, rules, no chewing gum in class. Study within 24 hours for optimal retention. Check shelves 100 to 199 to learn more about mental processes. I am a mental process. Ingrained into Tho—”

               He slammed his hands over his mouth. It was a truth spell of some kind. Logan sat up and glared at the wizards. He felt his throat bubble with more words as the spell’s fingers squeezed around his heart again.

               “—Logic, my name is Logic.” Logan said, “I reason that none of you are from around here. Who is Zorobabel? Are there more fragments here trapped? No, no, think. Think think! We must leave. Get out, ripping, no don’t think of that.”

               Patton squawked at him as he clumsily made his way towards Logan. He still had ropes swinging around his paws and neck. The bouncers from earlier started to edge their way onto the gym floor. Think, think…

               The hands around his chest started to fade, “Time, limited time, moon’s wax. No, that is in five days at 2:09 AM exactly. Hypothesis, all spells will wear off if given enough time, then we will all be free. No, time, time right now.”

               Then the fingers slipped and took in a gasping breath like he was under water for the past two minutes. His chest burned with every breath he took. Air felt like sweet relief as his thoughts came into his head and _stayed_ there.

               Logan lunged forward and picked up Virgil, who was literally skin and bones despite his size, and tucked him under one arm. He grabbed ahold of Patton’s rope around his neck and pulled him along. They had overstayed their welcome.

               Logan ran for the blue doors that led to the rest of the school. Patton whimpered as the sharp crack of more spells started to fill the air. Mutterings still fell from his lips but nowhere near as distracting and debilitating as before. Logan slammed the doors behind them. Virgil twisted in his arm until Logan had to drop him.

               Patton seemed to realize they were back in the school hallways. He chirped and ran full speed to the left and slammed into the wall to a make turn into another hallway. Logan bit back a few, a lot, expletives as they ran in Patton’s direction.

               They ran through the hallways until the wizards seemed to have lost them, but Patton still pressed forward into the school. Logan wished he had brought a water bottle. Virgil’s unrelenting clicks against the floors seemed to disagree. Patton also seemed to stop occasionally. Then be on his way again.

               Some hallways had ceilings up to three stories with balconies from other floors looking in. They ran past architecture that seemed to be Greek inspired by the shape of the columns. The school really did splurge their funds on aesthetics.

               Patton slammed full force into large double doors with the words ‘Auditorium’ above them. Logan panted as he slumped against the door to catch his breath. Patton chirped and then to his surprise, there was an answer.

               There were other fragments trapped here. The auditorium was full to the brim of them. Jaguars mewled from their lazy perch on the stage. Bears, wolves, and even Pegasi whinnied from their corners. Their wings iridescent in the low light. He shook his head. They seemed to notice him and the open door with interest.

               Logan propped open the doors, “The exit is down the hall and to the left.”

               Virgil had to dive out of the way as the trapped fragments stampeded out. He gave an annoyed bark. Logan adjusted his glasses with a smile. Perhaps some of the human fragments would finally find their other halves and stop drifting around the library and alleyways like lost ghosts.

               Patton bounded over to Logan but squawked as he bumped into the seats. He stumbled to the floor with a loud thud. Virgil gave a high woof as he took this opportunity to rub his face into Patton’s own. Patton purred as his tail rolled across the floor with contentment.

               Logan let a small smile escape as he saw the two of them play with each other. His eyes racked over Patton and his smile dropped as he realized Patton didn’t escape unscathed. There were new fresh cuts on Patton’s flank, bright angry lines of red, stark against other older exact cuts. He remembered the sharp cracks of spells as they ran away. Oh.

               “Patton,” Logan said, “Come over here and let me take those foolish ropes off you.”

               Patton rolled over and gave a loud chirp. Logan walked down the aisle and started to work the knots of the rope loose. Virgil even worked on some of them, gnawing them loose instead, and within moments Patton was free. Spools of rope laid limp on the floor.

               They walked out of the theater to make their way to the school’s exit. Logan glanced back at the extravagant theater and his chest ached. Roman…Where was he? The glossy posters of a fairytale with a prince on them only seemed to mock him.

               Eventually they made their way back to the car. Logan felt foolish as he stared between the size of his car and Patton. His car was a bit larger than average, but Patton wouldn’t be the most comfortable. Logan pulled out the supply bags and moved them to the trunk.

               Virgil woofed at Patton encouragingly as Patton tried his best to tuck himself into the back seat. Logan pulled out his gun from its pocket and clicked the safety back on as he put it into its black bag. He would never tell Patton he had it. It would only worry him.

               Plus, he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Patton. But, sometimes logic was sounder than listening to the heart. Logan knew what he was doing. He shut his eyes as he remembered Virgil's panic around the weapon.  _Overreacting as usual._

               He slammed the trunk and opened the door to let himself into the driver’s seat. Virgil barked out a warning next to him. Logan rolled his eyes and put on his seatbelt. Patton had laid down on his back and his soft cat beans pushed against the roof. Patton gave a bright meow.

               Logan pulled out of the parking lot and drove through empty streets. The gym grew smaller and smaller in his rearview mirror. The lights seemed to have gone out. _Good._ No more entertainment for idiotic wizards by torturing their ‘collected beasts’.

               The vroom of the car engine filled the silence for the next few minutes. 

               “I have no idea where Roman is,” Logan said finally, his voice quiet, “Our best hope is that we’re gonna have to search for him all on our own.”

               Patton went quiet and then gave out a hopeful chitter, _I believe in us kiddo,_ he seemed to say. Logan’s hands tightened on the wheel. Virgil didn’t affirm him, of course, he was always too pessimistic for his own good. Virgil instead growled out a gruff  _Yeah right._

               “Well wherever he is, he’s safe,” Logan said, “And that’s enough for now.”

               Unknown to them, on the far side of the city, was a park. The same park that surrounded the open-air concert hall that held the epicenter of the Spell. A white deer, with soft patches of brown that shone like caught sunlight, slept in a cave. It hardly moved from its home during the night. During the day, it had the tendency to explore the park and even venture into the streets around it. Never further.

               The deer snuffled as it curled around itself for warmth. Cold clung to his soft fur. One bleary eye opened to watch the dark trees outside. A dragon’s screech echoed from the moonlit sky. The deer flinched and pushed himself deeper into his hollow. It tried to go back to sleep.

             Soft shiny tears slipped out instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos and comments! also this week was super busy so this update took longer than usual! 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ oh boy, looks like Roman took the advice "stay put when you're lost so your parents can find you" to heart for the past ten days! haha
> 
> but don't worry guys, next chapter WILL have Roman reunited and the moon will change. also i want to bring it to everyone's attention that after the moon's change, patton will no longer be blind, just a tiny hint at what's going to happen
> 
> i had to rewrite this chapter like five or six times because I wasn't happy with the stuff played out, in one draft, i had Patton be in a fighting ring every night, the wizards weren't even there in the first draft! and i was planning to have this chapter 1000x more angstier but whoops the logicality fluff won out :P
> 
> [this chapter is now available on tumblr to reblog](https://wisepuma23-writes.tumblr.com/post/170329696686/we-were-never-welcome-here-at-all-chapter-five)


	6. A Saying About Curiosity and Cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I crash and I break down,_  
>  _Your words in my head,_  
>  _knives in my heart,_  
>  _You build me up and then I fall apart_  
>  I'm Only Human by Christina Perri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: gun, anxiety attacks, swearing
> 
> Notes: oh my god this turned into a whopping 7k, pls tell me never to do this again

               “If you’re not going to cooperate, then I don’t know what to tell you,” Logan said as he threw a rag into the open hood into the engine below, “All I’m asking that you hold up the instruction manual.”

               Virgil flopped over to go back to sleep. Logan huffed and bent down to pick up the teeth-marked manual from under Virgil. He set it on some flat pipes and squinted at the letters in the shade of the hood. Virgil snored, the same obnoxious snore even as a canine, next to him on the curb.

               Logan found them a new van, to his great luck, the sides were airbrushed with celestial scenery. The planets and stars stark against the black paint of the van really made it worth to acquire it. Patton didn’t like his word of ‘acquire’.

               “If only I could still visit my memory banks,” Logan said as he wiped a grease stained hand on his dark blue flannel, “Even if I could, I doubt Thomas would’ve remembered how to change the oil in his car. Probably lost somewhere in the mindscape. What do you think, Patton?”

               Patton chattered as his cat ears flickered with amusement. He sat in the classic ‘cat loaf’ seating with his tail and wings curled up against him. He also held a long stick of blue chalk in his beak and bent his head down to the sidewalk to write something. Logan had packed a bucket of chalk sticks for exactly that reason.

               Patton also insisted on him wearing something new for the oil change. It felt wrong to take off his tie and polo even for something short like an oil change, but it was a safety hazard. Logan didn’t like his jeans either and made a mental note to himself to change back into his old clothes the next chance he got.

               While Logan was bent low into the van’s engine, none of them realized they were parked on the street across from the park. A deer was making his way to go back to the streets to find something to do or see. Perhaps even some drama. The bears on the corner of 6th and Hardy were usually entertaining. 

               Logan stood up with a sigh and wiped his forehead with his elbow.

               The deer saw a van through the trees in front of the gate. Maybe it didn’t have to go very far for something dramatic to watch today. Often, it saw odd humans running to grab one of the wandering animals here and cry. Maybe even shout a bit. The deer wondered when it would get their hug. Even some shouting would be fine.

               Wait, the deer thought as it came closer, doesn’t he look familiar?

               Logan looked over to Patton to see what he wrote as he wiped off his hands. The blue letters were big and shaky. Logan started to read Patton’s hard work for the past few minutes.

               “Adultery,” Logan sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, “N-no, that’s still not right, Patton.”

               Patton tilted his head and chirped.

               “Though I must agree,” Logan said as he put his hands on the hood, “Thomas is particularly bad at remembering his adulthood lessons.”

               A triumphant meow answered him. Logan slammed the hood closed. A startled bark. Virgil had woken up from the loud noise and glumly stood up. Logan pulled open the sliding doors and helped Virgil and Patton get inside. Fortunately, it came with no seats. Logan got back into the driver’s seat and pulled his tie back on. If nothing else, he must have the tie. He heard the clatter of Patton’s chalk fall back in the bucket.

               “Today we must find Roman,” Logan said as he looked at the rearview mirror to the other sides, “It took ten days to find you Patton, and I had help, but we have no clues for Roman. We must find him before the moon’s change tonight.”

               Patton and Virgil nodded their affirmation.

               Logan shifted his gear into drive, “It may take a while to find Roman and our odds are stacked against us. The past four days only prove that.”

               Virgil gave a gruff huff and curled into a corner to go back to sleep. Good thinking, best to get some rest now. Patton gave a hopeful chirp, he sure did give a lot of those, Logan smiled. He pulled out from the curb and started to drive down the street.

_BANG!_

               Something bright white thumped against the window. Logan slammed on the breaks and then it rolled back down in front of the van. Logan glanced up at the rearview to see everyone else awake with confusion.

               Logan was frozen in shock, “Was…that…Roman?”

               Virgil turned his head slow to him.

               He snarled and yanked the sliding door back open with his teeth and ran around. Patton jumped out too and followed the quiet guiding woofs from Virgil. Logan got out too and made his way to the front of the van.

               It was in fact, a white deer, his chest clenched as he saw the golden patches. Logan fell to his knees and pulled the dazed deer into his lap. Virgil ran back to the van. His own thoughts started to grow and crash into each other like his head was too small. Roman, Roman, they all seemed to echo.

               “Roman,” Logan said as the deer came to, “I should’ve known you’d make a dramatic entrance as much as possible.”

               The deer blinked blearily and then his eyes brightened. Roman tried to stand up, but Logan shushed him to lay still. He didn’t appear to be injured. Thank god.

               “It’s me, Logan,” Logan said and pointed at the trembling griffin, “That is Patton over there, I think he’s holding himself back from giving you a hug.”

               Virgil came back and had a blanket held gently in his jaws, “And this overprotective hellhound is Virgil, but I assume you already knew that.”

               Virgil dropped his blanket on top of Roman and gave a gruff bark. He shied away from looking at anyone as he stood by Logan’s side. Roman blinked in surprise at Virgil. Patton couldn’t hold it back anymore and tackled them all. Within moments, the three of them laid trapped under Patton’s gigantic form.

               Logan sat up and pulled Roman and Virgil close to him. Patton moved his wings until it cocooned all of them from the world and it was dark and the air thick with the sweet smell of his cardigan. Logan leaned against Patton and held the other two tight until his chest ache lightened a bit.

_We’re all here together again. That is satisfactory._

               The setting sun and the arriving twilight coated the inside of the van with soft shades of orange and purple. The fading light made Roman shimmer as he watched the city go by from his shotgun seat. They spent the day just enjoying the feeling of being together again. Virgil already dozed off in the back. Patton too was curled up in sleep.

               Roman looked ethereal, fleeting in the twilight, and it never seemed more obvious than now that he was never meant to be real. He was the literal embodiment of dreams and imagination. Where he could make glory everlasting and love eternal as the stars. All those things existed because he himself did not exist. Now, he wore Reality like a pair of odd-fitting clothes, not quite right.

               “Roman,” he said quiet, he didn’t want to wake others, Roman turned away from the window. He looked intently with those dewy brown eyes at Logan as if to say _go on…_

               “We were never meant to be here at all,” Logan said, his chest keened with that strange ache, “I feel as if with each passing day, we’re losing Thomas more and more. My…my chest hurts when I think of him.”

               The hum of car silence muffled what Roman did next. Only because of Logan’s thinking that he didn’t let go of the wheel in shock. Roman rested his front two dainty little hooves on the arm rest to lean over and licked him up the cheek.

               Logan instinctively reached to rub at his cheek. He stopped himself. Logan instead rubbed a hand down Roman’s back. Roman’s eyes sparkled with delight.

               “That was utterly disgusting,” Logan said with a faint smile, “But I suppose that will suffice as your answer. We still have each other. However, please don’t do that again.”

               Roman twitched his nose and went back to his seat.

               Logan turned his head back to the road. Hours passed by until his wrist-watch said it was half past 1 am. He had managed to change into his regular clothes at a stop earlier. Roman had tried to goad him to go faster but he was running on limited fuel. Only half a tank remained, and he still had to follow the speed limits. City fallen into anarchy or not.

               Then he saw a dark figure, cast by shadows and street lights, and the way it moved was odd. Logan slowed the van down to a crawl as he squinted against the glare. It was a woman on a horse and it trotted to a stop, four or five intersections ahead. She dismounted, and Logan realized she wasn’t riding a horse at all.

               She tied the Unicorn to a newspaper stand and took out a stick from her robes. _A wand._ She was a wizard. Logan let the van drift to a stop. Thoughts flew around in his head and they were torn between taking a U-turn or to finally get some answers. Oh, his curiosity burned. 

               Logan was startled out of his thoughts by Roman poking his cheek with his wet nose. Roman stared at him. Not for the first time, Logan wished he could speak.

               Snores and faint whistles could still be heard from the back seat. His heart and common sense were literally asleep in the back. Logan felt that black hole of nothingness in his chest scream at the sound. It was desperate to feel whole again.  

               “I…” Logan said as he gripped the wheel until his knuckles turned white as Roman waited for his explanation, “I have to know what’s going on, Roman. Get some exposition.”

               Roman sat back and shook his head and nodded towards the back seat, “I know!” Silence. Then breathed in relief when the other two didn’t wake up and then said quieter, “I know.”

               Logan bit his lip as they watched her go into a large alleyway, “We’re all here but it’s not enough. Thomas hasn’t come together yet. I…I have some theories. I already told the others but might as well tell you too.”

               Logan leaned over and opened the glove compartment. Roman went stock still as he saw the gun. Logan pushed it aside and took out the still bloody piece of Thomas’ shirt. Roman collapsed at the sight. His little lungs started to breath unevenly.

               “I found this,” Logan said as he rubbed it gently, “It was all that was left. It’s not enough conclusive evidence to believe Thomas is dead. Especially since magic is real.”

               Roman slowly looked up from the piece and up at Logan. His glasses were bright in the glare of the street lights, rendering it impossible to read his expression. Logan’s face seemed sharp in the planes of the orange light. Cold. All the soft edges of his features seemed bruised in the purpling shadows invading the cabin. The gun glinted from its cave. Mocking.

               The leather creaked under Logan’s hands on the wheel, “We need answers, Roman. I need answers. And we can go ask her, she likely knows more about magic then we do. More about the _spell_. For all we know, the turn of the moon could be Zorobabel finishing off the job. There are too many unknown variables.”

                Roman jumped into the back seat. Logan leaned over and closed the glove compartment with a click. Logan sighed as he heard Roman squealing and jumping obnoxiously onto Virgil and Patton. Logan shifted the gear back into drive and slowly approached the grazing Unicorn.

               Virgil woke up with a gruff bark and Patton a sleepy coo. Logan felt that black hole inside of him as visceral as a stab wound. He had no heart, no fear, and could not grasp dreams. Truly in the first time of his entire existence, he was Alone. Logan ignored the clatter of letter blocks on the floor behind him.

               Three intersections away now.

               No doubt Roman was spelling something with them. The clattering stopped. He was doing this for them. He had to know. He had to. Blood pounded in his ears. Had to fill that _void_ in him. And it could not be quenched. He could not teach his classes, he could not read his well-worn books from his library, and he could not plan. All his plans, schedules, and everything he worked on with blood, sweat, and _tears_ were wiped away with a simple wave of a wand. A _stick._ His hard work over the past twenty-eight years were gone. Erased.

               He had to be useful, he had to learn everything he could in this new world. That’s always been his job. Logan must rebuild his schema, mental framework, of the world to include magic. An unseen force that surely had rules. Magic had to be part of his understanding.

               One intersection away now. Yes, yes, closer.

               A loud snarl. Virgil dove onto the front seat and growled. Logan glanced up at the rearview. Roman spelled out _‘LOGAN’._ Yes, that would alarm Virgil. Roman also pushed himself onto the front seat next to Virgil. Both lunged for the wheel with loud bleats and growls.

               The van swerved. He slammed on the breaks and pulled the two of them with an arm close to his chest despite their struggle. They screeched to a stop. Blood thrummed like drums in his head. Logan shut his eyes. He found the worst part about being human was the pesky physical reactions. He felt soft fur and brittle bone heave against his chest. Their breathing loud and shaky.

               Logan let go. Virgil and Roman stumbled off his lap. Logan unclipped his buckle and got out of the van. He walked over to the passenger side and opened it.

               Virgil snarled as Roman squinted at him with his pink ears pulled back. Both sitting on the passenger seat to stop him from getting the gun. Logan distantly wished he could still feel hurt.

               “I have to go to talk to that wizard, Virgil,” Logan said with a sigh, “Just talk. It’s a precautionary measure and I will exhaust every other option first.”

               An inquisitive meow came from the back. Roman whipped around and looked between Patton and Logan. Then it clicked, _he didn’t know_. Roman’s muscles under his soft skin coiled with tension as if he was ready to lunge at him.

               Virgil barked twice. High and desperate. _No._ Logan reached for the compartment, “I will be right back. Stay here,” Logan tried to smile, “I will be fine.”

               Another two pained barks. Then tremors racked through his whole body until he could literally hear Virgil’s bones rattling. Short torn whimpers came out. Virgil turned on his heel and ran back into the shadows of the back of the van. Deep shaky demonic breathing echoed in the van.

               Then the rustle of Patton’s wings and his soft coos answered. It took him a few moments to realize Patton was cooing in a pattern of 7-4-8 for Virgil. More rattling and ragged whimpers soon joined in. It became a discordant duet.

               Logan turned away and the expression on Roman’s face made him blink. He rolled his eyes and finally equipped the gun into his back pocket. Roman jumped out before he could close the door.

               “Okay,” Logan said as he walked towards the alley with the muted clippity-clops of Roman following him, “You’re joining this investigation too, then.”

               An affronted bleat answered as f to say _of course I am!_

               She stood at the middle of the alley as she faced the left wall. A wave of her wand and the wall lit up with a giant circular rune with numerous lines and symbols on it. Purple light flooded the alley and then it faded. Logan blinked away the spots in his vision to see her writing in a small cramped book.

               “Hello,” Logan said as he walked up, she startled and shut it with a bang, “Are you a wizard? I already deduced that you are but I’m not certain.”

               “Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow but took Logan’s handshake, “I’m Priya. And yes I am.”

               “Excellent! My name is Logic,” Logan said and pulled away his hand at the first chance. It had started to tingle with static electricity _._ Priya tucked her dark hair away from her face as she regarded him.

               “Logic?” Priya said, “What kind of parents would name…”

               She took a step back, “Oh, you’re one of _those_. Fragmented soul pieces.”

               “Yes, that is right,” Logan said and turned to the still faintly glowing rune that spanned several stories on the building wall, “I wanted to ask you, a wizard, some questions that I need answers for. If it’s not too much trouble.”

               Priya glanced at Roman beside him, “Sure, if you let me pet your little deer. How’d you get it to follow you around?”

               Logan hesitated. He would prefer to walk away. He looked to Roman, but he was already bounding over to her. Roman was already wooing her with his big eyes and even stuck out his tongue, the classic ‘blep’. Her eyes lit up with delight. Logan didn’t know how Roman could look smug as a deer, but he did. Her _awwwwws_ echoed in the alley.

               “The moon is supposed to change into its waxing phase tonight,” Logan asked, “And I’ve heard the spell will change with it. What does that mean, exactly?”

               Priya looked up at him and then back to the large rune, “Spells aren’t meant to last very long. It’s always a matter of time. However, Zorobabel’s put his on a specific cycle.”

               “The moon.”

               “Yeah,” Priya tugged gently on Roman’s pink ears, “It has five stages to go through and then it repeats. Potentially until the moon dies and no longer power the spell.”

               Planets spun and stars winked out of his existence in his mind. In his room, he could watch the Big Bang or the inevitable death of the universe. A different ending and theory every time. All the days and nights of reading about space and the solar system flickered through his head like a book in the wind.

               The moon was destined to disintegrate and warp beyond all recognition in five billion years. An expiration date foretold in equations and the stars. A billion on all its own was unfathomable, but _five_ billion more so.

               “That might as well be forever,” Logan said quietly, “Is there any way to stop it?”

               Priya grimaced and with a free hand, pointed at the five points that the rune was made up of, “Bartholomew translated it. He used a more ancient dialect to make sure it really lasted. But the five points move in a clockwise fashion.”

               She clutched her book to her chest as she rubbed Roman’s flank, “Right now we’re in Denial.”

               “Well if you say so yourself,” Logan said, “No argument from me there.”

               Priya glared, “No one has agreed on what exactly are Zorobabel’s goals. Some say he came here to test this spell out before doing it to the rest of us. But one thing is for certain, he doesn’t want people express the best in themselves, only the worst. The first stage is Denial.”

               Her frown lines deepened on her face, “Fragments are meant to express that tiny part inside of them that they want to deny that they have. That flaw in their functions. Really go for that classic box of repression and wrench it out into the sunlight.”

               “I—”

               “I think the fact that you are human speaks for itself,” Priya said, “I’ve met logical fragments before and they hate making mistakes, errors, and doesn’t that sound like denial to you?”

               Logan felt his face flush with heat and didn’t answer.

               “Yes,” Priya said as her petting slowed to a stop, “Not to mention, the speaking stanza in the spell is the most unclear in its rules. I just can’t understand it. It seems to imply that fragments can be beasts, too. Weird. But if they were chosen to speak, they will. That’s too _strange_ even for me.”

               “Aha!” Logan said, “So there _are_ rules!”

               Priya rolled her eyes but moved on, “The following stages will be Vulnerability, Hate, Insecurity, and Regret. It could continue to repeat until all fragments are rendered beyond all recognition. No longer shaped by their experiences as part of a soul but instead start to live independently. There’s only been a few instances of soul shattering before this. Not—not on a big scale like this. Or for so long.”

                “I don’t know what happens next.”

               Priya absently bit on her thumbnail as her eyes became distant, “After… After—this has never happened. It’s been outlawed on our world,” She shuddered, “Now, the very fact that he pulled it off flawlessly, and the other wizards refuse to believe me, but I’m right. I know I am. They are so obtuse when it comes to him.”

               “Priya,” Logan said, and she jumped back into reality, and held her book tighter, “I’d like to hear your hypothesis on the subject.”

               She blinked and then a soft smile, “You sound a lot like my mentor, it’s weird. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but you should know.”

               “You can be sewn back together. You can be whole again.”

               Logan’s hand dropped from his glasses. That black void in him sang at the notion. Oh, it’d be excellent, “Are you sure you mean that my human can be himself again? Thomas isn’t… dead? He can come back, and _we’_ d be back?”

               Priya nodded as she re-tucked her hair behind her ear. It slipped out. Logan smiled and restrained himself from shaking her hand. Finally, an answer!

               Roman tugged on his shirt next to him. He tilted his head as if to say _how?_ Logan blinked and realized he was right.

               “Wait, but how—”

               A sharp crack came from behind Priya. A long column of yellow light shone and then it disappeared just as it appeared. There was another woman, her blonde braids swung with every step she made toward Priya. Her robes dark green and bright to Priya’s own brown ones.

               “There you are, Priya,” she said and then she spotted the little book she cradled and wrenched it away with a swipe of her wand, “Are you serious? I thought I burnt this thing in the fireplace.”

               Priya hunched onto herself as the new woman turned to him, “I apologize for her if she rambled on with her nonsensical theories. How many times do I have to tell you? Don’t listen to scientists with their methods and deductive reasoning. It’s dangerous for magic be stuffed in such neat labels. It’s _wild_!”

               Priya mumbled, “But the other wizards are wrong. Zorobabel isn’t trying to recycle people into weapons. Not to mention that your first ‘dark army’ theory really worked out, huh?”

               She turned to face Priya and with a muttered word, the book disappeared. Priya lunged with a cry. “ _No!_ Why? Why! I was going to show my work to Bartholomew!”

               Logan backed up from the arguing women. It seemed that the wizards from the other world weren’t very cohesive. The best course of action now was to leave.

               It was never his desire to use the gun if he had other options. And there were always other options. Logan had simply followed Virgil’s example. He’d only use it if there was no other option and if the others were in danger. Much like how Virgil had his teeth and claws.

               Logan didn’t know much input the others constantly fed into him until it was gone. And he them. Patton’s standard of ethics had governed them all, but now alone, he found that he couldn’t remember. Logan had just _known_ and that was enough in the mindscape. Virgil all alone, now worried more than what was healthy, and Logan had to admit he hadn’t expected an anxiety attack to take as long it did.

               Logan hadn’t missed Virgil’s attempts to tell Patton that he had a gun. He spelled out ‘ _GUN’_ to Patton with his letter blocks. Logan had to tell Virgil that Patton was blind after Virgil sorted out several words. The temper tantrum that followed didn’t bear thinking about. Patton asked him what was upsetting Virgil, _He’s just upset that he can’t communicate to you because you can’t see the blocks._ Patton’s crushing hug with his wings around Virgil was enough to calm him down.

               Logan slowly backed up from the growing argument with Roman at his side. Almost there. Then he heard that unmistakable clicking on the cement and the rustle of wings. He shut his eyes, _must you be so protective?_

               The two women turned to him and saw the new animals behind him. Virgil and Patton stood next to him. Priya looked confused while the new woman looked triumphant.

               “We will be on our way now,” Logan said as he put a hand on Patton, “Thank you for answering my questions. I’ll leave you two alone to your discussion.”

               Patton’s ears flickered uncertainly as Virgil also seemed to sense the tension. Logan made to step backwards but his right foot never touched the pavement. Frozen. Logan looked up and saw Priya’s ~~friend~~ , ~~enemy~~ , co-worker pointing at him with her pale wand.

               She smiled, “How about we finish this here and now? One of your so-called _tests_.”

               She flicked her wrist and Logan watched with wide eyes as Virgil was thrown to the dead-end on the other side of the alley. No, no, _no._ Virgil shook his head and snarled, deep and guttural, and Logan had to force away images of _red_ from his head. He lunged, intent written into muscle and bone, and she didn’t even blink as she froze him too.

               Roman bleated loud and angry. Priya flicked a wand at him and he was held down to the far wall. He wouldn’t get hurt in whatever was happening. His bleats were loud and distressed. He stretched his thin white neck forward toward Virgil on the other side of alley and whined out desperately for him. Logan didn’t even know deer could look as _wretched_ as Roman did right now.

               Patton’s tail waved in the air as he spread his legs and wings back. His ears pointed forward to hear what was happening. His spotted fur raised on their ends.

               Logan faintly remembered that it must be approaching 2:09 AM. Any minute now. Blood pounded in his ears and he swallowed.

               “What are you talking about, Hilde?” Priya said low and suspicious.

               “Next, you’ll be telling that _hellhound_ over there is one of your supposed soul pieces,” Hilde said with a sneer, “Hellhounds are beasts of violence and death. I’m going to show you what really lies at a hellhound’s core! And it is nothing more than wrath and mercilessness.”

               _Falsehood!_ Logan wanted to scream but he was mute. Frozen. Static electricity twisted and crawled on his skin. Pungent iron filled his nose. _Magic is the one of the reasons I have never liked Harry Potter._

Priya’s hair billowed around her, “That is not a soul piece! Only the humans are! Ugh, Hilde, you never even listen to me! Right, Logic?”

               Logan coughed and wished he could adjust his glasses, “Falsehood. That is Anxiety.”

               Priya blinked in surprise. She didn’t want to believe that the ‘beasts’ were fragments either. Logan was getting a clearer picture on these wizards more and more. They didn’t like to share ideas or do much research on their theories. Little did they know that Roman often made his best magical worlds when he consulted Logan.

               Hilde rolled her eyes, “Are you really going to believe someone who isn’t a wizard? Come on, _anxiety,_ I would’ve thought it a different animal. Like a chicken or even a mouse. What a joke.”

               Priya hesitated. She stuttered but it was clear she didn’t believe it either. Logan couldn’t speak again. His jaw ached from all the things he wanted to say. _He is not weak nor a coward! Virgil works his best at keeping us safe. Yes, he’s an alarmist but his concern is real!_

Patton whined next to him. No, Patton, _no._ Logan suddenly remembered numerous instances of Patton shouting, _I’M GONNA PHYSICALLY FIGHT YOU!_ Oh no.

               He sprinted forward but stumbled to a stop. Hilde whispered some words and Patton fell with a thud. His ears flickered with confusion and shook his head with a whine. Patton tilted his head and chirped.

               Hilde blinked, “Magical creatures aren’t easily susceptible to commands. Especially if they are under the command of others. Oh, look at it struggle,” Patton shook his head harder and feathers fell off from his fluttering wings, “It’s as if the griffin doesn’t have an owner.” She tutted, “Poor thing must be wild.”

               Priya reached out and grabbed her arm, “Stop it! Beasts aren’t dumb like you think! Soul fragment or not. What you even doing here, Hilde? To take me back home?”

               Hilde wrenched her arm away, “I am proving a point first!”

               Logan watched the burst of golden lightening shoot at Virgil with wide eyes. He _can’t_ move. Move, move, move. Please. Roman keened with a broken cry. Patton whined but still shook his head as if something telling him to stop. Powerless, helpless, and useless.

               Virgil stumbled to the cement. He was free. Virgil whined, and tremors started to rack his body. Then he started to howl and sat down with his tail tucked between his legs. Virgil’s breath started to shudder and whined pitifully. Claws scrapped against his skull. Rattling and shuddering pants filled the dark alley.

               “That…is anxiety,” Priya said hushed as she backed up a step, her eyes wild, “This goes way beyond my theory. It’s groundbreaking, transforming pieces of the soul into symbolic beasts, how extraordinary.”

               Hilde didn’t say anything. Logan could move his toes slightly. It was far from enough, but progress was progress. 

               Priya grasped Hilde by the shoulders, “This entire city has the entire human psyche roaming around. Everything! The worst of us and the best of us for first time, are wearing clothes, talking, and given teeth and claws. They have weapons.” Priya clutched a fistful of her hair, “Oh my Merlin, this is bad. We have to fix this. Soul pieces aren’t meant to be alone and now they have absolutely no supervision whatsoever!”

               Hilde fiddled with her wand as Priya started to pace, “Zorobabel broke several thousand of King’s laws. Breaking into an alternate Earth, reveal the existence of magic, and then using it to tear a city’s worth of souls apart. Other wizards hate me, they won’t believe me.”

               “We’re not telling anyone anything,” Hilde snarled and then turned to Virgil, “Kill him.”

               Virgil went stock still. His anxiety attack faded as he bent low with a menacing growl. He shook his head but when turned to look back up at Logan. A red fire burned from his sockets. Logan stumbled back, suddenly free, and he felt the stark coldness of the gun in his back pocket. _No, no, I refuse._

Hilde grabbed Priya by the arm. Priya didn’t resist, still dazed from her several revelations at once. Virgil’s claws clicked on the floor as he walked past the two women to Logan. Red fire following him, and the smell of sulfur grew stronger.

               “No!” Logan took his gun out about to throw it away as far as possible, “I refuse! I am _not_ playing along to this madness.”

               Hilde side-eyed him with icy blue eyes and whispered with a point of her wand. Immediately, the glasses in his frames switched from clear to a cloudy red like a light switch had been flipped. Static electricity ran up his spine as he felt hot anger burst forth from that black void in him. It howled at the sensation of feeling _something_ , but it was wrong, it wasn’t _his._

               He pointed his gun at Virgil, his movements quick and jerky, like a robot. Clouds that sparked up a storm rolled into his calm mind. Logan saw the world literally in a red tint through his glasses. Red, red, _red._ He couldn’t shut his eyes. Magic sizzled above his skin, pounded in his ears, and filled his head. **KILL HIM.**

               _Fantasy is not my jam. I hate this genre._

Logan stared down the approaching hellhound, “Please,” He looked to Hilde and then back to him, “ _Virgil_ ,” He looked at her, “Don’t make me do this.”

Hilde and Priya disappeared in a crack of lightening. Leaving the four of them to deal with the fall-out. Roman collapsed, and Patton could finally stand up. Virgil and Logan circled each other. Distantly, through the red fog in his mind, Logan remembered an excerpt from a textbook. _Unload your bullets into the center mass until it stops moving._ Static coursed through his joints.

               Roman bleated with alarm.

               Magic. What a terrible thing. Virgil whined but the red light shining through sockets only grew brighter in intensity. His own glasses did the same. Logan felt his processors spark with failures. He can’t, he _can’t_ , but the magic forced him. Willed him.

               Virgil lunged, and a gunshot echoed in the alley.

               .

               .

               .

               Logan shakily looked up to see Virgil frozen in the air still mid-lunge. The red magic was gone. His sockets were dark and his own glasses clear. Logan gasped.

               The bullet was only a centimeter away from his skull. And it blew away in an unforeseen wind like it was made up of sand. His hands felt lighter, too. Logan glanced down and saw the last of the gun blow away like it was never there.

               It did belong to someone else’s figment of imagination.

               Time returned, and Logan stumbled back as he felt Virgil tackle him. Stars burst at the edges of his vision. He adjusted his glasses to look up at Virgil’s face. Face? Logan shot up.

               His hoodie was torn in places and bloodier than the last time he saw it. Logan took him in with wide eyes. Virgil hesitantly touched his own cheek. Then he heard familiar groans behind him.

               “I…I thought I would fail you again,” Logan said softly and clutched at his hoodie, “I’m glad 2:09 AM came at just in the nick of time.”

               “You almost _SHOT ME_!!” Virgil shouted, his voice low and dangerous as he clutched Logan back, “I told you! I practically screamed it was a bad idea! Logan, why?”

               “Knowledge is my greatest weapon,” Logan said, “And I read twelve different gun safety books, so I complied with the 10-hour gun safety training laws in this state.”

               Patton rubbed his head with a groan as he sat up, “Instinct….”

               Logan ignored the incoming lecture from Virgil and went to Patton, “Are you alright, Patton? You’re calling Anxiety the wrong name, do you have a concussion, how many fingers am I holding up?”

               He looked over Patton. Assessing for injuries. Found. Logan brushed a hand over faint healed cuts just peeking out from Patton's collarbone. There were more peeking out from his sleeves. Patton wrapped his cardigan around him tighter and they were covered up. It seemed the others hadn't noticed at all. 

               “Three, and you know that’s not who I meant,” Patton said with a frown then hesitated in front of their audience, “Logan, why didn’t you tell me you had a gun?”

               “It was a purely logical decision on my part. I have no natural defenses unlike you or Virgil. Therefore, I required some help,” Logan said as he looked Patton in the eyes, “And knowledge is my greatest weapon. My research told me that swords and knives aren’t practical in a world where more aggressive enemies can kill you from a distance. It would be my last resort if I exhausted all other options to protect you all. It was…unnecessary to tell you and create conflict.”

               “Logan,” Patton said softly as he put a hand on top of his, “Lying is wrong. You need to talk to me, conflict or not, or otherwise things will get worse. What am I here for other than to help you? I know you think I’m your happy pappy Patton, but I can take a little seriousness. You know that.”

               Logan looked away as they both remembered. Someone they both wished to forget, _Instinct_ , but that was in the past now. What mattered was right here, right now.

               Virgil and Roman sat next to them and Roman rolled his eyes, “Well, I’m glad that we are all back together and in our _beautiful_ bodies! Yes. Also, those wizards were a bit meaner than I thought they would be.”

               “You almost shot me,” Virgil said, “You. Almost. Shot. Me.”

               “Ah, but I didn’t,” Logan said.

               Virgil glared, “Do you know how much you were making me anxious? I’m the one supposed to be protecting you, not the other way around! What if you shot your hand off?! What am I supposed to do if you shot your brains out?! It was a freaking _gun,_ Logan.”

               “Uh excuse me? Can we talk about how _I_ was stuck as some deer!” Roman said with a dramatic gasp, “I was soft and cuddly! That will not stand, I’m the _Prince_ , I should’ve been a Unicorn! Or a lion, or bear, not just a dainty little deer! I’m a tough manly man!”

               “Awww, well I’m sure you looked adorable,” Patton said with a beam, “Too bad I didn’t get to _see_ you all. But Roman, you know what they say, beauty is in the _eye_ of the beholder.” A laugh and then quieter, “I had no eyes.”

               Silence followed.

               “Too soon?” Patton said, the others’ faces gave him his answer, "Too soon."

               “Uh no, Padre, you’re starting to look a bit fuzzy at the edges,” Roman said and then glanced down at his own hands, “So am I.”

               Logan held up a hand and watched it blow away like the gun had did, “It appears that the spell is going into the next stage.”

               “I-I’m not changing,” Virgil said panicked as he flipped his hands over and over, “Wait, why isn’t it working?”

               Patton beamed as he waved his arms in the air with his hair whistling in the wind, “Look guys! This next joke will really _blow_ you away.”

               Logan sighed and then he was gone. Roman’s tinkling laughter faded. Patton’s giggles were swallowed up by the wind. Virgil stood up and saw the cloud of glowing dust that his family had become above him. They swirled, and the specks of dust started to glow until they were a glowing cloud of purple light.

               “No!” Virgil shouted, “Take _me_ , instead!”

               He screamed at the cloud, brighter now as the spell took effect, “TAKE ME WITH YOU! DON’T LEAVE ME _BEHIND_!”

               The light in the alley grew blinding.

               “Take me with you,” Virgil said hoarse as he sobbed into his hands, “please, please _, don’t go where I can’t follow.”_

Then the light was gone.

               Virgil buried his face into his hands. He couldn’t bear the sight of the empty alley right now. Hiccups echoed. He scrubbed a hand over his eyes as he squatted down to put his head between his knees. _They left me. Stupid spell. I almost died. I. Almost. Died. THOMAS ALMOST DIED._

_Calm down, Virgil, breathe._

Virgil fell back with a cry at the new voice in his head. Panic shot through him as he saw a giant lion peering down at him. A lion. What the _fu—_

               _Whoa, watch the language, kiddo!_

A light grey bunny jumped onto his lap. It stomped a leg on his stomach as the voice in his tutted, _there is no need for such potty mouth language._

A new voice shouted with such volume that it made him wince, _AM I A RAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SPELL? WHO TREATS THEIR ROYALS WITH SUCH DISRESPECT?!_

Virgil turned his head to a rat on the other side of him. It was lean and black. He screamed and kicked it away in his alarm. Oh god, he was crazy. The bratty voice exclaimed in utter disbelief and offence. Virgil thought frantically,  _I’m insane, aren’t I?_

               _I think that rat might have been Roman, Virgil. Not entirely sure, though. But there are only two other animals here._

Virgil breathed in shakily. The other voices kept talking at him, making his head swim with the cacophony. The bunny started to thump a leg in count with one of the voices, _seven-four-eight._ Virgil slowly picked up the bunny. It didn’t bite or flinch. He hugged it gently to his chest. Soft fur tickled his nose.

               _You’re so warm. I love hugs!_

Virgil smiled as it finally clicked, _Thank you, Patton._

He looked up to the lion, _Logan is that you?_

_Yes. Being in a real non-human form is so different from imagining being one. Lions are such majestic animals. Their efficiency is to be admired._

Logan’s large claws scrapped against the cement, sending up sparks. Virgil gulped.

               _Are you going to kick me again? Cause if you will, then I’ll just move my hideous self somewhere else._

               Virgil startled as he felt a tug on his hoodie. It was the rat. No way _._ Laughter bubbled out before he could stop himself. Roman really got the short end of the stick in all this, didn’t he?

               _You don’t have to be mean, Panic at the Everywhere._

Virgil picked up the rat too in his other hand to his chest next to Patton. He heard some surly grumbles, but he felt Roman press against his chest. Patton’s ears pricked forward as his pink nose twitched with excitement. A soft beany bunny paw reached out for Roman’s little pink claws.

               _Who is that?_

               _Aww, new friend! Can we keep him, kiddo?_

Virgil blinked in surprise, “Wait, can you guys not hear each other in my head?”

               He heard the other sides’ murmur among themselves, but they didn’t answer each other. Nothing. It was like they could only communicate with Virgil. He rolled his eyes. Magic never had to be fucking easy, could it? He quickly explained it. Roman’s loud screeching at Logan being a lion made his mental ear drums wince.

               Virgil rolled his eyes as Roman turned his little nose away in a huff.

               “Why are you guys animals and I’m human?” Virgil asked as he stood up with the soft animals in his arms, “Are we taking turns?”

               Logan stood up and Virgil felt his throat go dry and heard the others fall silent. Logan _loomed_ over them. His mane could brush the dust off the second story windows of the alley. His tail whistled through the air with every lazy swipe behind him.

               _Denial was our first stage. We changed according to that theme. However, the next stage of the spell is Vulnerability._

“So, first we turned into things that we were denying ourselves?” Virgil said as he held the fidgeting animals, “And I suppose now things we’re vulnerable about?”

               A low reverberating purr came from Logan. Patton squeaked at the noise, and his ears pulled back. Roman groaned, no doubt wishing he was a lion instead.

               Virgil walked to the alley’s entrance. It was late and in this city that meant risks. Danger. He glanced down at the two small animals he held. He unzipped his hoodie and stuffed them into it. Virgil coughed as he felt Roman and Patton squirm in his hoodie and smiled as he saw their tiny faces pop out.

               Priya’s Unicorn was gone. Good fucking riddance. It was too shiny and bright for his tastes.

               He walked down the street towards the van with Logan clicking next to him. The sound was comforting. Virgil put a hand on his coarse flank. _I’m still mad at you, Logan._

               Logan didn’t grace him with an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Act One, finally! 
> 
> I totally relate to Roman's excessive four acts nonsense in the latest video but actually it's gonna be five. and i could tell you the hows and whys of my psychoanalyzing I did into choosing which animals they will be in each stage. but then that will ruin the fun for you guys :P 
> 
> i LOVE reading your comments so much!! and your guesses aren't that far from the mark sometimes :D
> 
> however, i saw that no one noticed that i updated the fic summary last chapter haha. did you guys think i forgot it? 
> 
> Virgil is human this time and he might meet some familiar faces, *cough*, and now he has two smol balls of fluff to look after and a Giant Lion. when can he be released from this anxiety-inducing hell? lol....and regarding the new _info_ in the latest video...i might have changed things in the backstory, just slightly. nothing too big. :3 <


	7. Adventure Awaits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: light swearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _He don’t recognize me anymore,_  
>  _Burned out flames; should never reignite;_  
>  _But I thought you might,_  
>  _take me home_  
>  Home by Daughter

_The door creaked open and Logic saw Instinct asleep in between his shelves. His flashlight was still on next to him. Logic sighed, Instinct was reading in the Social Cues section again. It seemed that Instinct wanted to protect Thomas in social situations as well since Morality’s advice sometimes made Thomas’ friends bluster. Instinct also became more and more confident with each day._

_Logic put a hand on Instinct’s shoulder and with a snap, they were on top of Logic’s mountain in the mindscape. It wasn’t a mountain yet, more like a tall hill that wore clouds like a puffy tutu, Logic was still learning. Someday, it would reach the stars. Instinct stirred next to him on his bench under the sole tree on the hill._

_Golden leaves fell, it was always fall here in Logic’s realm, because it was the beginning of the school year._

_“Instinct, what is the matter?” Logic asked, Instinct curled further into his multi-colored hoodie, “You haven’t been to dinner lately.”_

_Instinct blinked at him and then smiled, “I’m fine, Logic. Really. You don’t need to worry about me. I can suck it up like a big boy.”_

_Logic adjusted his thick glasses, “But you’re only eight. We aren’t ten or eleven like the fifth graders are. You can tell me what’s wrong.”_

_Instinct fidgeted under his earnest gaze. His hoodie was dark, but it had patches of purple, yellow, and orange. His shirt was more colorful, but it was hidden by his zipped-up hoodie. It was strange to say the least that Instinct had the most color when they had Creativity in reds and golds. Logic tucked away that strange thought to think about later._

_“Am I…bad?” Instinct asked, his shoulders hunched as if expecting a blow, “I lie, I have bad feelings, and you said yesterday I’m not very logical. I don’t like being told I make mistakes. I don’t make mistakes…Do I make mistakes?”_

_“Slow down, Instinct,” Logic felt his head spin at the confession and put a hand on his shoulder, “Yes, you are more confident than you are used to, that isn’t bad, in fact it encourages Creativity to do the same. Perhaps I was a bit mean to you, and I’m sorry, but we’re a team. Morality says that we’re a family, like in Tarzan, we work best together. We'll always be your family.”_

_Instinct slumped against him, “Creativity told you about the Tarzan bit, didn’t he?”_

_“Perhaps,”_

_“And here I thought I was the liar,” Instinct laughed, “I’m a bad influence on you. Better watch out! Tomorrow you’ll say Creativity looks great in that Peter Pan get-up he has going on.”_

_Logic hid a smile, “Falsehood, you’re more likely to tell him that. And it won’t be a lie.”_

_Through his bangs, Logic could see his cheeks heating, “Ew! Cooties!! I don’t like like him. Besides, he would never like me back. Never.”_

_Logic blinked in surprise, “Why not?”_

_“Because I’m the villain of his stories,” Instinct said, “He always rescues the girl and I don’t get to save him from my snakes, dragon-witches, or even scorpions. He doesn’t see me as anything else. Why can’t I be the knight, too? I save Thomas all the time!”_

_“That’s a good point,” Logic said thoughtful, “I will talk to him.”_

            Virgil thought it was a bad idea. Going to a supposed hub of other fragments to find their friends. Or what remained of them, anyways. The music boomed in the musty basement, making his sternum vibrate, and memories of concerts came with every smell of whiskey. Logan stayed upstairs with the other fragments that were too large to go down the stairs.

            It’s been several days since the moon’s change but Roman was practically driven up the walls with cabin fever. Virgil had finally relented and took them all out on a walk. He was the first to spot a hot pink flyer advertising a gathering of fragments. It seemed like a mix of a party and a serious meeting. Patton leapt at the chance of finding their friends. Logan liked the idea of gaining new information from others. Roman, of course, was always up for adventure.

           He felt the soft weight of Roman and Patton nestled against his chest. It was a physical reminder that they were right there with him. He crouched against a wall and watched the crowd of fragments around a lit table. It was an underground resistance but really it was a put together group of fragments too adventurous for their own good. Roman absolutely _insisted_ on going.

           Virgil thought the cover of a basement rave was too much, but it did ward wizards away. The damn idiots didn’t want to interfere in ‘civilian’ affairs. Then Roman, squirmed and then leapt out of his hoodie. Virgil watched with wide eyes in horror as Roman’s dark fur blended into the crowd. Disappeared.

           _Roman, get back here!_

Virgil heard a bratty snort back at him. Virgil grinded his teeth and stood up. Patton leapt out too after Roman. Virgil felt his heart skip a beat.

           _Patton! Get back here, you’re going to get hurt._

_I think Roman’s got the right idea, kiddo! Follow me._

Virgil shoved people out of the way with muttered ‘excuse me’ and causing a quiet ruckus at the fringes of the crowd. Virgil saw a quick scamper of grey go between people’s legs. He heard faint yowls and hisses as Patton and Roman no doubt pushed past them.

           Towards the table and where the more important fragments were. Virgil paced and then shoving down his panic, he pushed into the thick crowd. Virgil felt his face burn with heat and kept his eyes low for Patton and Roman. He carefully didn’t step on any tails and toes. Dammit, where are they?

           Then before he knew it, Virgil had squeezed himself into the front. Roman and Patton were on the table and he felt his neck flush. Virgil stepped forward to gather them back into his arms and try not to get themselves kicked out. Someone trailed off in the middle of their sentence and the rest of the table went quiet.

           Roman’s tail thumped against the table with excitement as Patton turned to him with that cute nose twitch. He wasn’t a damn zookeeper. Other people, fragments really, moved out of the way to let him reach across.

           “Virgil?” a voice asked, he startled and looked up for the first time to see the person across from him, “Elliot?”

           Elliot looked the same as he did from Cartoon Therapy. He held a miniature white tiger not bigger than Patton in his hands. It had a familiar purple and blue gradient instead of black stripes. Talyn? Or what must be part of Talyn. Elliot set them down onto the table as Elliot came around the table. Virgil stepped back, he was taller than Joan, but only because he wore heeled boots.

           “Can I hug you?” Elliot said, Virgil nodded, and then he felt the weight of Elliot around him. Virgil blinked and then wrapped his arms around them. Their hair was soft but smelled faintly of hair gel. He pulled out of the hug and smiled down at them. Something in his chest loosened. Thomas’ friends have always calmed him down.

           “I didn’t know you were a side.” Virgil said and then looked down at the tiger, “Is that, uh, part of Talyn?”

           Elliot gave a sad smile, it seemed happiness was an unusual look on them, and rubbed their arms, “Yeah, they were human last time before the spell changed. Joan and Talyn were in the bathroom when it happened, and it was just the two of us still there when we woke up.”

           “Oh,” Virgil floundered and then he felt the weight of everyone’s stares, “S-so what are you up to?”

           Virgil wanted to shove his words back in. He knew they were planning something, that’s why they were here in the first place, he felt his face grow hot. Elliot went back around to their place at the table. They gestured down, and Virgil saw Miami’s city map was lit up. Huh. The other fragments gave him weak smiles and started to go back to their plan.

           “So, these purple markers are where the spell’s runes have shown up,” A woman with kind eyes and acne scars spoke up, “Blue means wizard sightings. And yellow are popular spots for the shards.”

           “Shards?”

           “Shards, fragments, soul pieces,” Elliot said as they petted the tiger, “Like Olina here. We haven’t agreed on a name for all of us. Some of us are sides, imaginary friends, issues, or even alternate egos. And there’s way more. I’m one of Joan’s imaginary friends. Olina is Talyn’s passionate side.”

           Virgil blinked, “I didn’t know there wasn’t just sides here.”

           A man with faint laughter lines and deep-set eyes tilted his head, “That odd wizard only called upon the most prominent parts, I believe. The ones a person thinks about the most. There are some fragments of a pair or part of a dozen. There is many ways a mirror can be broken.”

           Virgil blew out a sigh of relief. That meant Sleep, Deceit, or any other of the dozen personas Thomas has donned weren’t off wandering somewhere. He knew he only had three tattoos but sometimes it still worried him. Virgil would’ve blew his stack if he was the unfortunate fragment with eleven other pieces to find.

           Virgil sensed an opening in the lull of conversation, picked up Roman and Patton before they could protest, and zipped them back against his chest. They squeaked and poked their heads out. Virgil felt his bunched-up ball of nerves loosen even more with their soft bodies breathing against him.

           “Hey, my eyes are up here,” Virgil said with an underbite, Elliot blushed at being caught staring, and Virgil heard others shuffling. It looks like Elliot wasn’t the only one caught. Okay fine, they were cute, no need to make a big deal about it.

           _I think we look adorable._

_Oh, what’s the matter? Are we ruining your tough guy schtick?_

_Can it, the both of you, and Roman I swear to god if you do that again…_

_You’re no fun._

_Aw, Roman had the right idea, we found Elliot!_

Virgil rolled his eyes, “So what’s the plan?”

           Elliot leaned back and seemed to address the whole room, their voice swelling above the music, “By now, you all know that we’re under a spell. Our only objective is to break it. However, according to our spies, wizards are the only ones that can use magic. Worst still, only the original man who cast it can break it.”

           Murmurs echoed in the crowd.

           _I smell an adventure for a dashing prince!_

Virgil crossed his arms and squeezed the two of them tighter against his chest in response as his eyes darkened. Roman sputtered at him in one ear and Patton saying reassurances in the other. This telepathy thing was trippy. He could even hear faint echoes of Logan telling him status updates as if he was in another room and not upstairs.

           Another fragment on the long end of the table spoke up, “Which means we need to confront him. We ain’t getting any younger, so this needs to happen soon. Amiright?” She raised a thick eyebrow and the others nodded back at her. Elliot pursued their lips and then nodded and looked to Virgil. A flush came up his neck.

           “Yeah,” Virgil stuttered, “Y-yeah, I agree.”

           Elliot gestured to a tight bunch of blue pins in uptown Miami. Virgil felt the crowd press against his back to see over his shoulder to follow the plan. Virgil felt his nerves crackle with electricity at the proximity. If they so much breathed wrong, he wouldn’t hesitate to let lightening snap and crack. Virgil shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and hoped no one saw them trembling with pent up energy.

           “We found that a council of wizards are meeting tomorrow,” Elliot said and then looked down at his chest and then back up again, “It’s sealed at all exits. We wouldn’t be able to get in. However, we found a few loopholes. It’s good to see you, Virgil.”

           Virgil felt the press of eyes not at him, but at the two squirming critters he held, he let his face darken. However, the feeling of being watched didn’t abate. Elliot was looking at him with such bright eyes and Olina meowed at him. Their small flinty eyes also shining with hope.

           Damn it. Cats were his weakness.

           “What do you want?” Virgil said, his eyes sharp as knives at Elliot. He had a terrible feeling about this. Elliot pursued their lips, “Only very small creatures can get in. However, there isn’t many vulnerable little pieces here with their found counterparts. Much less two belonging to the same person.”

           Virgil took a step back, but he felt the crowd push against him like a wall. A red exit sign blared in his mind, northwest corner, the stairs, the door to the boiler room. All exits. Roman squirmed in his tightening hold. Patton didn’t do much but whimper.

           _Virgil! They are asking us to join their adventure! I can be their knight in white armor for a friend in distress!_

_No, no, no. Roman, fuck no. They want you to go into the lion’s den!_

_Calm down. We have to help our friend! They’d do the same for you._

           _Not you too, Patton. Please. I can’t._

“Virgil?” Elliot said, Virgil realized he hasn’t said anything for the past few minutes in mute shock, “It would really help us. Don’t you want to break the spell for everyone?” Elliot pushed down their sleeves and said quiet, “For Thomas?”

           Virgil’s shoulders shook with pent up energy. Lightening coursed through his veins, his tendons, and his very core. He’s always aimed to protect Thomas, and that grew to protect his family, too. That was a low blow for Elliot.

           “What does Roman say?”

           Virgil’s head shot up with glistening eyes, “Elliot, damn it, he said yes. It better be a good plan, or I don’t care what he says I’m leaving. So, talk.” The others leaned back at his harsh tone, Virgil snarled and saw some flinch, “Explain. Now.”

           Elliot’s neck disappeared into their sweater and didn’t meet their eyes. They cleared their throat and started to talk about the plan again. Virgil felt that flash of anger leave him like a balloon losing air. He didn’t regret snapping at them since it was his _family_ they were talking about. Maybe he’d apologize later for making Elliot flinch.

           Virgil heard Roman’s squeals of excitement as Elliot and the others laid out their plan. Patton was quiet, far too quiet. Virgil tried to coax a pun out of him, but nothing came. Patton wasn’t a fighter. Virgil felt a curl of worry at this thought. Patton was notorious for putting his friends and family’s health over his own wellbeing. Virgil shook his head and went back to listening. He'll talk to Patton later.

           _Instinct and Logic sat there in silence long enough for Logic to summon a book from his library. It was peaceful at the top of the hill with only the sound of leaves rustling. A soft breeze fluttering by. Logic read his book as Instinct stared off into space. He always did like the stars._

           _“So, my name is Instinct?” Instinct said, his long bangs fluttering in front of his round face, “What does that mean?”_

_Logic looked up from his book of Goodnight Moon, “That’s not your full name. It’s Self Preservation. But Morality thinks Instinct is shorter. A nick name.”_

_Instinct sat next to him on the bench, “Self preservation? What does that mean?”_

_Logic closed his book onto his lap, “It means you keep Thomas safe. It’s what makes you so fast when Thomas is in trouble. Quick thinking and quick reflexes. It also means you picked up that nasty habit of yours.”_

_“Lying is wrong, isn’t that what Morality said?” He paused and frowned, “But it saves Thomas from getting punished!”_

_Logic didn’t argue that. It was true. However, lying was a trait not instilled in elementary school values. Honesty in big golden letters was always next to the whiteboard. It was the first word in a long list of other golden rules._

_“We want Thomas to be safe and be the best boy he can be,” Logic said as Instinct’s shoulders slumped, “Not everything is a fight-or-flight, Instinct. Or the right time to lie. If at all. However, you are the best of us.”_

_Instinct looked up at him, his features blurry from too many memory recalls, “What? Really? That doesn’t seem right.”_

_Logan feels a lump form in his throat. No matter how many times he remembers Instinct saying it, his disbelief still makes his chest clench. Instinct was the best of them. Logan blinked hard and was about to put the memory back on its shelf, it was one of the few shelfs not dusty this far back in the mind. Then he heard the last of the conversation before he slotted it back._

_“You make Thomas want to live.” Logic said a bit too solemn for an eight-year-old, “You’re the natural desire to_ ** _live_** _in humans. And we all thank you for it.”_

_Instinct’s smile was blinding. A tooth was missing but it didn’t mar his appearance at all. Roman promised him a real tooth fairy would come to pick it up. Logic pulled him into a hug. He felt Instinct melt into it. Affection wasn’t uncommon in those days. Eight thousand and forty-two days ago. Logan put the worn memory back. He wasn’t sentimental like Patton was, but when Anxiety smiled at him, it was like...Instinct was there again. That smile after their debate, Logan felt his chest clench, and felt the harsh pain of his mistake all over again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for your patience with this late update!!
> 
> i signed up for the [thomas sanders big bang](https://ts-storytime.tumblr.com/FAQ) and it kinda ate up some of my writing time because I was so excited about it. I'm gonna have fun writing it! But like, I forgot that I have some actual WIPs I needed to update lol. 
> 
> And yay Elliot arrives! I felt uncomfortable writing them as a side of Joan considering their 'past' in Cartoon Therapy, so I felt imaginary friend was better. And are you still friends even if both of you are only partly yourselves? 75% friend plus 25% friend equals diluted friendship??? What am I even saying lol?? 
> 
> I dropped more hints on what Instinct's actual role is, it should sound familiar, but I think soon (either the next or the upcoming) that I'll explain what actually happened to Instinct. So yay for that!! :P


	8. Drown Your Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And please don’t come closer I don’t want your help,_  
>  _I’ll figure this out, on my own_  
>  _I’ll stay with these feelings at home and alone_  
>  _Now I’m just an anxious mess [x5]_  
>  Anxious by Atlas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language (Virgil), violence, implications of suicide  
> Notes: this and the next chapter will be the heaviest chapters in the fic so far, buckle up, and this update is more than 4k

           Virgil stood outside in the rain. The soft cold drops made it easy to ground himself in the present. The meeting was over, and he ignored the prattle of the fragments walking out. Another three days went by and it was almost two weeks left until the moon went into its waxing phase. Virgil let his eyes flutter shut as he leaned against the brick wall.

           Red. The memory of being stuck in something too tight, someone, and then the rush of air. The taste of sulfur and the feeling of air whistling through his matted fur. He saw a man with glasses slumped against the wall. Logan, Logan, _Logan_. So much chaos, loud noises, frightened squeals then silence. This place was dangerous.

           Dangerous, _I must protect Logan_ , his heart alight with fire and sparks. Virgil snapped and snarled at any animals that came close to the two of them. Electric nerves on fire as he stood over Logan’s limp body. His teeth grinded as he saw animals die in the quick twist of a maw or unlucky enough not to move out of the way of bigger, more frightened animals. Then came the dragons.

           Virgil scrunched his eyes tight with the memory. His breath picked up and hairs on his arms rose with goosebumps. His heart went cold as the memory played against his will. It didn’t stop ever since he turned human.

           A roar, a bright light, then a click in his head like puzzle pieces falling into place. Virgil thrust himself on top of Logan. His limbs locked, frozen, as he felt the heat. The smell of burnt fur and flesh filled his nostrils. Virgil turned his head to face the rush of fire and wrath head on. In that one moment, the colorful flames were beautiful, and it smelled like Patton’s Sunday BBQ.

           Then it was over. The dazzling deadly fire display stopped abruptly as soon as the dragon closed its great maw. It still smelled like BBQ but, as Virgil tried to lick his lips out of reflex, he found that he couldn’t. No tongue. He felt the air whistling through him, not his fur, but through his bones. His ears still could flick back and forth but they felt not quite all there.

           Virgil looked around and saw ash and torn clothes on the floor. There were others, just like him, that survived dragon fire and had used their bodies to shield what they could, and Virgil looked down at Logan to see he wasn’t hurt at all apart from the usual blood.

A hand came down on his shoulder, Virgil jumped, “Whoa, hey, didn’t mean to scare you.”

           Virgil blew out a shaky sigh, “It’s fine, Elliot. I’m Anxiety, I’m nothing _but_ nerves.”

           Elliot looked him up and down, “Where is Roman and Patton?”

           Virgil’s eyes narrowed, “They’re sleeping right now,” he felt them curled up in his hoodie against his chest, “Besides, what does it matter, I agreed with your plan.”

           “It doesn’t feel like it,” Elliot said, Virgil rolled his eyes as he stood up with his shoulders straight, “I hate it, I really fucking do, but I want Thomas back.”

           Elliot rubbed their arms at his language, “I…I didn’t want to bring him up, but I really wanted you on our side.”

           Virgil turned to face them. Their black hair was limp from the heavy rain and was watching him with such wide and honest eyes. Elliot seemed to wilt as Virgil stepped closer to them. His own words to Thomas echoed in his mind, _nothing beats the real thing_. They weren’t Joan and he wasn’t Thomas. His chest still clenched at he saw Joan’s face staring back at him with such vulnerability.

           Virgil wasn’t Thomas, his first instinct wasn’t to hug them, but to dig into that soft spot.

* * *

            _Creativity thought Logic's hill was boring. Why couldn’t it be a mountain already? Instinct said he liked it, especially at night, the stars were a wonderful view. If Instinct wasn’t holed up in a corner reading about social cues, listening to music, or any other weirdo stuff, he was here. Enjoying the view._

_Creativity snuck up on the boy, “Raaah!”_

_Instinct startled from their reverie at the tree, “Oh my god! Ugh, Creativity, you almost gave me a heart attack.”_

_Creativity laughed. Instinct turned away to go back what he was doing. Creativity realized for the first time, Instinct wasn’t looking up, but down. He frowned, wow, he didn’t even stick to his own weirdo habits. Creativity came closer to stand next to him at the tree behind Logic’s bench._

_“Isn’t that pre-pre-precarious?” Creativity said, now noticing that the hill had grown considerably higher the last time he came, “Stupid third grade vocabulary word testing.”_

_Instinct held the trunk tighter but made no move to step back, “I don’t think that was there before.”_

_He pointed down, Creativity followed his finger, and saw a large black sea at the foot of the hill on this side. Huh. He kneeled down to squint at it. The waves were distant but they crashed against the shore with a soft whisper. The hill now had a cliff. Could it really be a hill, and more like, Creativity struggled with the word. Precipice! Yeah, a precipice._

_“Whoa, it goes all the way to the horizon!” Creativity said awed, “That’s so cool! We can go to the beach now!”_

_Instinct stared down at the dark waters, it was a bright sunny day, yet it churned with a darkness that echoed in the mindscape. Instinct shuffled next to him, “Wh-what is it?”_

_Creativity tapped his chin, “I know!” He said in a low dramatic voice, “This is the summit of man’s knowledge and that,” He pointed down, “Is the pit of man’s fears. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.”_

_Instinct didn’t say anything at all._

_Creativity stood up with a pout, “Get it? Geez, are you still scared of that show?” He nudged Instinct, he fell back with a yelp away from the cliff, “Why are you so jumpy today?”_

_Instinct pulled up his hood and sat down on the bench, “Just one of those days, I guess.”_

_Creativity set down his foam sword as he leaned on the wooden back of the bench, “So what are you doing here?” He smirked and leant down to whisper into his ear, “Are you getting out of your job, too?”_

_Instinct turned to him with wide eyes, “Are you?”_

_Creativity hopped over the bench to sit down next to him, “Yeah! It’s all Morality and Logic ever talk about, those old farts, and I’m sick of it. I thought you were doing it too, I heard that you haven’t shown up to dinners too, like me!” Creativity splayed his arm over Instinct’s shoulder, “Let’s stick it to the Big Man Upstairs and not do our jobs. It’s fun.”_

_Instinct’s forehead furrowed with wrinkles, “But that’ll hurt Thomas.”_

_“Hurt? Doesn’t his father say it builds ‘character’? What’s a few scrapped knees, huh?” Creativity grinned, his brown eyes sparkling in the sunlight, “Don’t be such a yellow belly.” He lightly slapped the back of Instinct’s head, “You keep Thomas alive but have you really lived? Come on!”_

_Instinct worried at his lips then finally, “What’s the plan?” his eyebrows lifted as he turned to face Creativity, his own eyes fiery with interest, “I’m in.”_

_Creativity burst out with a laugh and slapped Instinct’s back, “Haha! Great! Partners, huh?” He stood up and pulled Instinct upright with him, “I know, we can go quest in my kingdom, it’ll be so much fun! We can eat there so we don’t even have to come home! Morality’s sandwiches suck anyways, we can have feasts instead!”_

* * *

            _I_ _t was a long time coming. He knew this. Creativity rolled his eyes as he heard Morality and Logic squabbling, after three consecutive days of actual peace, they were at each other’s’ throats again. Man, did they ever shut up? Instinct told him that they’ve been like this ever since Thomas started kindergarten. Instinct looked between them with a sharp gaze. If it ever came to blows, rarely it did, Instinct was the one to push between them._

_Creativity frowned down at his plate. Peas, how utterly disgusting, did Morality forget he was fighting the evil Pea Lord in his kingdom? Creativity groaned as Morality sat back with his arms crossed and nose turned up. It really did seem like he forgot. Logic sputtered from across the table at Morality’s attitude._

_Morality probably hate-baked again. He pushed the peas around his plate. Even the mashed potatoes seemed too…mashed. Creativity spooned them in. Yum! It was the summer between third and fourth grade. Friends were inviting Thomas out to pool parties and other cool stuff. It was one of reasons why Creativity and Instinct finally decided to come to dinner these days._

_“Hey, can we like, go to the beach?” Creativity said brightly in the tense silence, “We have one now!”_

_Logic turned to him as he wiped some tiny tears at the edge of his eyes away, “A beach? Whatever do you mean? Have you made one?”_

_“Noooo,” Creativity rolled his eyes, geez, why didn’t the others explore their own realms as much as he did, “I’m talking about your beach! You know, the one at the bottom of the hill.”_

_Morality’s brows drew together, “Really?”_

_Logic clasped his fingers together, “I didn’t realize I had one, either.”_

_Instinct sat up straight in his seat, his rainbow tie-dye shirt peeking out from his unzipped hoodie, “It’s something bad. It….It calls me. I don’t really hear it anymore when I’m in the Kingdom.” A silence fell, “Uhm, yeah, forget it. I’m just being a weirdo.”_

_“What? It talks to you?” Creativity slammed his hands down in excitement, “So cool! You have magic powers, too! Hey, next year Thomas will turn eleven, and then we can get our Harry Potter letter!”_

_Instinct quirked a smile, “Don’t you mean a letter from Hogwarts?”_

_Logic cleared his throat, “Excuse me, this new feature of my dreamscape is a concern. And that it talks to you.”_

_“I think we go see for ourselves, kiddos,” Morality said, he wrung his hands as he stood up to pick up the dishes, “We’ll go tomorrow, okay? It’s a matter of safety. And it’ll be a picnic!”_

_Instinct and Creativity groaned. Ugh! Picnics were the worst. They couldn’t even get out of it by how much Morality and Logic were giving them stern looks. It was just gonna be more arguing, but at the very least, it was dinner and a show._

* * *

           “This is my family you want to use,” Virgil snarled to Elliot, “I worked my ass off to find them. What did you do? Be a good little pet for Olinda and then they do the same for you? I thought, like an idiot, that every fragment out here would be looking for their pieces.”

           Virgil loomed over Elliot.

           “But I learned naivety can get you killed,” Virgil said cold, “It hasn’t even occurred to you that due to your negligence, despite me and damn everyone’s effects, Thomas might never see Joan ever again.” He gestures with his arms out wide, “It’s a big damn world out there, Elliot, who knows if they’re dead because you failed to protect the rest of them?”

           Elliot looked away as if they’ve been slapped. Virgil wished he did. He dug his hands into his pockets as he heard a distant echo of thunder. Virgil watched them, would they cry, lash back at him? What sort of person was Elliot, Virgil wondered, with a cold and calculating iciness to his thoughts.

           Elliot did none of those things. Their shoulders shook with the effort not to crumple like a tower of cards. Elliot puffed out their chest, his eyes shining but no tears escaped, they hid their shaking hands behind their back. Virgil raised an eyebrow. Elliot’s voice shook with the effort not to warble, “I…I think you’re projecting your own worries,” Their throat clammed up for a few moments, then, “O-On me. I still want to find my own pieces, but, I want to save everyone.”

           Virgil’s grin was wolfish, “Looks like you’re not an asshole, after all.”

           Elliot blew out a relieved sigh. They seemed to understand it was a test. Virgil leaned back on the wall, another thunder echoed in the distance, his shoulders relaxing. Good. They passed. Virgil knocked his head back gently against the wet bricks, “Hey, sorry for scaring you for the past few days, but you have to understand I’m a paranoid little shit. Also, I dislike any plan about using my family.”

           Elliot opened their mouth.

           “Call it like it is, Elliot, you and your squad are using me,” Virgil said, suddenly exhausted and feeling all twenty eight years weigh on him, “Oh,  _volunteering_  for the war effort, but really it’s a draft isn’t it? So can it with the sales pitch. I’ll help you.” Virgil shot them a finger gun, “I’m using you too, if it makes you feel better, to get Thomas back.”

           Elliot’s face switched between different expressions before it settled into regret. They worried at the edges of their sweater. They finally spoke, “It doesn’t make me feel better, but uh, thanks. I’m glad to see you, even if the circumstances are different than I thought. We both know a crossover episode was never gonna happen.”

           Virgil shrugged, “Don’t be sure,” he winked, “Princey’s been kicking around a idea about Thomas finally realizing he’s crazy and needs a certain therapist to help him sort out his dilemmas.”

           A small smile escaped from Elliot, “And he bumps into a patient from a previous session? Like me?”

           Virgil popped the “Yep,” in reply.

           Elliot stood next to him in the rain. They exchanged soft, nervous smiles. Virgil was distrustful as hell but Elliot wasn’t so bad after all. He heard familiar clicks on the pavement from around the corner. Virgil brightened as he pushed himself from the wall. He finger saluted Elliot with a smile.

           “My ride’s here,” Virgil said as Logan arrived in his prideful glory, “See you tomorrow, Elliot.”

            _Did you two finally make up?_

 Elliot waved back before they turned to go back inside. Their headquarters was also their place to sleep. Virgil pulled himself onto Logan’s back, careful not to jostle the sleeping bunny and rat in his hoodie, and held onto Logan’s thick wet fur.

            _Did you read a book on how to be a prideful jackass?_

  _Yes, they are called self-help books I believe._

 Virgil rolled his eyes. Logan’s sense of humor was too much sometimes. And then they were off, weaving in between cars, and made their way back to the library. More fragments had trickled in each day. Sometimes they were lucky to find their counterparts. Virgil didn’t like the growing population, it might attract attention, but Logan insisted on protecting the place.

* * *

            _"The waters aren't sentient,” Logic said as he peered over the cliff, “It’s just a dark sea of thoughts that Thomas doesn’t want to think about. It isn’t a danger if we don't go in.”_

_“Can we swim in it?” Creativity said with his mouth full, “Pool party! Pool party! Yeah!”_

_“No, I don’t think it’s safe either,” Morality said as he pulled Logic away from the edge and back to the picnic at the center of the grassy hilltop, “We can make another beach. Just not that one, Creativity. And chew your food.”_

_Instinct tore at his sandwich, “The whispers are very loud. Can they be quiet? Maybe I can swim just for a little bit,” He ate a grubby piece, “You know?”_

_Logic adjusted his glasses “No, I don’t. Morality even agreed with me that sea is dangerous. How did I not see I have a sheer cliff on one side?”_

_“Is because you don’t explore your realms!” crumbs spilled out from Creativity's mouth, “You spend too much time playing house with Morality. Who cares if you have a kitchen? Adventure awaits out here!”_

_Morality swallowed his bite of an apple, “And you spend too much time on your quests. When was the last time you gave Thomas an idea for homework? Or encourage him to watch Disney?”_

_Creativity wrapped an arm around Instinct’s shoulder, “Oh whatever! He can do just fine without us. Right, Instinct? You two did just fine looking after Thomas for his first six years, so what’s the big deal? Geez, let us be individuals.”_

_Morality raised an eyebrow but before he could speak, Instinct said, “He’s right.”_

_A grin stretched on Creativity’s face, “Yeah! See, I’m right.”_

_“Thomas doesn’t need me,” Instinct said, “He’s old enough to know now that he isn’t supposed to run into the road, to tie his shoes so he doesn’t trip, and he’s having fun with his friends. He’s living his life out there.”_

_Morality and Logic exchanged looks. Creativity didn’t know what they meant but he’s seen the same look on Thomas’ parents whenever he said something really weird. Logic looked away and bit into his PB &J sandwich. Morality wrung his hands again as he looked at the two of them, “Are you two…alright?”_

_Creativity laughed, Instinct was silent, “I’m doing fine, Morality! You don’t need to worry about us. We’re like two peas in a pod. Instinct really loves going on adventures with me. He's not even a villain anymore, I made him my cool sidekick!”_

* * *

           Virgil curled on the window sill as he tried to read a book about vampires. It was stupid as all hell but he didn’t have his music to listen to. Vampires and the rest of the YA section were his only access to edginess. The rain pattered against the pane.

           Logan stared at a wall as he tried to relax. He was counting the bricks, he was in the high 200s, but it was driving Virgil up the wall. Patton was in a corner, he found a large picture book from the kid’s section, and he read with silly voices. Roman was somewhere on top of the bookshelves practicing for their mission.

           _Logan, I’m trying to read, can you count quieter?_

_278 and…oh excuse me, Virgil. I didn't mean to direct my thoughts at you._

Virgil huffed and went back to his novel. The vampire dude was gonna explain his tragic past to the smitten girl. It’s been building for the past ten chapters and he needed to know! So many flashbacks about what led him to be stuck with immortality forever. Something about betrayal and some mild stabbing. Virgil rolled his eyes, what he really wanted to know was how a guy was dumb enough to go on a date with a woman who hinted at her vampirism relentlessly. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion with each hint about his past.

           _And then Cliff the Red Dog said…awwww cute picture!! His fur feels so fuzzy._

_Patton, can you uh, think quieter. Please?_

_Sure! Of course, kiddo!! Oh, wait, I mean—shoot! I’ll be quieter, don’t worry, I got it._

Virgil turned his head and smiled at Patton. He looked up and his big grey ears perked forward. Virgil’s smile grew, that twitch of his pink nose, Virgil bet if Patton really wanted, he could wrap anyone around his thumb. Patton looked better as a bunny than as a griffon with every muscle built for violence.

           _I can’t wait to go on the mission tonight!_

Virgil flinched at the reminder, his momentary good mood evaporated. He scowled.

           _I talked with Elliot today, finally made up with them, but I still have a bad feeling about this. You shouldn’t be so excited to go tonight._

_Oh, come on! Where’s your sense of adventure? We can finally help everyone in Miami! I can be a real prince and save the day._

_And that’s exactly my problem, it’s just a recon mission, and you’re already planning to fight the Wizard himself._

_Yes!_

_No! Not if I have anything to say about it. You’re gonna get yourself killed and where does that leave me? I’m putting a lot of faith in you, so don’t be an idiot for once, and listen to what I say._

Logan seemed to realize that Virgil had stopped reading and was scowling upwards to the shelves. His tail flicked gently behind him as he stood up to sit facing Virgil. His brown eyes twinkling with intelligence as he regarded him.

           _What is the matter, Virgil?_

_It’s Roman. He’s ecstatic about putting his life in danger. Nobody bothers to listen to me. What am I here for? Geez, it’s like you actually like making me worry._

_We only want what is best for Thomas._

_So am I! How can I do that if you die!_

Logan looked down for a few moments. The last word echoed between them. Virgil hunched further into his little niche.

_It will be fine. Roman and Patton are quite competent. I know the plan will work because you have poked holes into it until it held up. You ran it consecutively until we knew it backwards and forwards. We have also visited the warehouse several times ahead of time._

_Yeah…I just don’t like the hints Elliot dropped that they might find work for you in future plans. Apparently you being a giant lion is an advantage._

_Clearly._

Virgil rolled his eyes and went back to his book. Patton was the only one out of them who hasn’t shared his thoughts on the plan. Even with semi-telepathy, he remained an enigma. Virgil bit at his nails, he didn’t know why, but he felt Patton was at the root of his bad feeling. Patton was never one for violence, quite the opposite, so why did he feel so uneasy?

* * *

_They were yelling again. Creativity watched them scream over a secret that a friend had told Thomas. It was a silly one, but it somehow snowballed into another fight. Instinct sat next to him on the sofa in the living room. Creativity put his hands over his ears as Instinct rubbed his back._

_Morality and Logic, always at odds, and then something in the air shifted. Something Logic said, he didn’t know, but suddenly Morality pushed him. Logic’s glasses were crooked, then without missing a beat, he pushed back too._

_Morality was starting to cry, overflowing with anger, and started to tangle with Logic. Neither of them knew how to fight. But they did know not to hold back. Ever. Creativity never knew what to do in the face of his family fighting. The hand on his back disappeared._

_Instinct stood up and try to push himself between them, “Hey! Hey, stop it! You’re scaring Creativity.”_

_Morality put a hand on Instinct, oh my god, and he watched with wide eyes as if in slow motion as Instinct fell back into the wall. It was enough to dent a big hole in the plaster. Oh no no no. The fighting stopped. Instinct looked back up at them, shocked tears running down his face._

_“Instinct,” Morality said but Instinct disappeared with a crack. Morality let go of Logic’s wrists and threw a couch pillow. Logic stayed frozen for a few moments staring at the empty space Instinct once occupied, “Something is wrong.”_

_“You think?” Morality snapped back at him._

_Logic stepped over to them and put his hand on the two of them, “We have to go follow him. Calm down, Morality, and let’s go.”_

_“Wait Logic,” Morality said, a hint of fear in his voice, “You know I wouldn’t hurt him right? I didn’t mean it. I acted faster than my golden rules.”_

_“Of course I do,” Logic said, not before he tightened his grip on his shoulder and said, “But you ever think about putting a hand on him or Creativity again, I will tell you not to.”_

_Then they disappeared with a crack._

_Creativity looked around, “Why are we here?”_

_Then he saw him. Instinct was standing next to the bench, one hand on the back, and faced towards the sea. He was a weirdo for coming to Logan’s dreamscape instead of his own realm. But whatever!_

_“Instinct!” Creativity yelled to him, “Are you okay?”_

_Instinct startled and whirled around. A pained look went across his face. Morality and Logic stepped forward, their arms open and low, sorry written all over them. Creativity followed them in their wake. He didn’t want to ruin their apology._

_“I…” Instinct said and started to walk towards them, “Goodbye.”_

_Instinct turned around on a dime. He didn’t walk towards them for a hug, but for a running start. Instinct was a blur of motion as he jumped off the cliff. Falling, falling, and when he was almost out of view. Time started again._

_Morality screamed with his hands over his mouth._

_Creativity froze like a statue._

_Logic ran forward suddenly, already reaching out to grab him, and he jumped too without hesitance. Creativity gasped, without thinking he used his imagination to speed up to catch Logan before he got out of reach. He grabbed him by the shins and fell down to the grass with a smack. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his chest start to slide down off the cliff. Then he heard a splash far far below._

_Logic was heavy, and Creativity could hear the churning waters beat at the rocks below. It roared and Creativity could imagine it lusted for excitement like some great big beast._

_“Morality!” Creativity screamed, “I’m gonna fall, help me!”_

_Twigs and pebbles started to dig into his thighs. He was almost off. Creativity knew he could let go of Logic, but he didn’t want to, no no. No. He always smelled like old books and was a huge stick in the mud. But he didn’t hate him! Creativity didn’t want to lose him too._

_Creativity held Logic tighter. His hands getting slick with sweat and his heart pounding in his ears. Well if Logan was going down, then might as well go too, princes had honor like that. Finally his calves couldn’t do it anymore and he felt the lurch of free fall._

_Then he felt hands on his shoes at the very last second._

_Morality pulled Creativity up and then the two of them worked together to pull Logic up. Morality hugged the two of them tight, his face pale, and his whole body shaking. Logic looked back at them blankly._

_“You…” Morality said, he had watched the whole thing, “You almost grabbed him.”_

_“But I didn’t,” Logic said, he wasn't crying like them, “I didn’t.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got hit by the title "Drown Your Worries" and it motivated the heck outta me to write my chapter just for the terribly evil pun haha. And I tried to improve my formatting but I'm still getting there. 
> 
> Also, I finally wrote Roman's POV in the past! And I hope you notice that some things are not adding up! Or not told.  
>  _Hmmmmm_! I think that in later chapters, I'm gonna ease up on the flashbacks, or transition them to more recent times. Wait, hold up, do you think this chapter shows Logan's mistake? Nah, that'll be a different chapter haha (the next one? who knows but it ain't this one). Also I still need to explain the animal symbolism....ah, don't worry, I'll get to it! 
> 
> By the way I love _love_ all of your comments so much!!! They really motivate the heck out of me to keep writing! I'm surprised that y'all really like my fic. I'm glad, thank you, and keep it up!!! :D!
> 
> Next chapter will be about what happens on their mission!!! Roman is excited as heck. Patton....hasn't told anyone about his thoughts. I'm sure everything will be fine!


	9. The Devil Within (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I don't care, go on and tear me apart_  
>  _I don't care if you do ooh ooh_  
>  _'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars_  
>  _I think I saw you_  
>  A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cursing (thx Virgil, keeping it classy)
> 
> Notes: this chapter was emotionally taxing to write as a whole, so that's why it took longer to write! hope you bear with me when the second part of the chapter comes out soon!!

_Logan sipped his coffee, the mug shaking as he brought it to his lips, it was bittersweet. He was in his personal dreamscape. It was a dark room with only the windows of a setting sun on a school day lighting the shadows within. If he ever conjured a door, it would lead to the rest of his mountain, but he didn’t ever want to._

_He stared at the bench in the corner covered in dust. Why did Patton have to blow up at him at dinner today? He remembered Patton’s furtive look at Anxiety when he said he made mistakes. Logan slammed his cup down and rubbed the bridge of his nose._

_He heard a whoosh, “If you’re here to yell at me again, go ahead, break our three-year record for good,”_

_Patton pulled out a chair to sit across from him on the dark table, “I…I’m a terrible father, aren’t I?” his voice thick, Logan knew he probably cried his eyes out before coming here, “Tomorrow is the anniversary. And here I am, yelling again, just like that day.”_

_Logan waved a hand and there was a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of Patton. He shook his head and pushed it back. Logan raised an eyebrow, he waved again, and it became coffee. Black. Logan preferred his own to have two sugars but when Patton was in a dark mood, he preferred it dark as he felt. Patton brought to his lips and gulped it half down._

_He put it down gently, “Logan, you killed him, I can’t,” Patton choked back a gasp, “I can’t forget. Every time I look at Anxiety, he’s not the same, but these bad eyes can’t tell sometimes.”_

_“I can’t tell either sometimes,” Logan admitted with a sip, “I’m a fool for not seeing it earlier. What made Inst….him do what he did.” He held his mug tightly with both hands, “It’s my fault.”_

_Patton hunched over his cup, “It is. I blame you,” Logan remembered he had a first aid kit in this room if Patton got too emotional, it’s never gotten serious but these days he didn’t know his limits anymore, “I love Anxiety, I do, but he makes it hard. It’s almost like he wants to hurt Thomas. Sometimes,” Patton took in a shaky breath, “I hate him. I don’t want to hate him! I don’t, I don’t, but I just_ ** _feel_** _it!”_

_Patton smashed his cup against the floor. Logan flinched but waved another cup into Patton’s hands. Patton did not thank him. Logan sipped his coffee again as the sun fell lower in his realm, “I found that, after lots of self reflecting, that I hate feelings too.”_

_Logan coolly looked back at Patton’s stricken face, “Emotions are complicated, icky, and are the bane of my existence. I don’t need them. But if they are truly bothering you, then,” Logan leant forward to touch Patton’s paling cheek, “I can take some of them away. Or at the very least, for a little while, Thomas is too young to feel heartbreak. He’s only thirteen.”_

_Patton’s face went from wide mouthed with fright, then his eyebrows went together with thought, then his eyes alit with undeniable desperation. Patton abruptly leant into his hand. Patton’s own hands jumped up and gripped at Logan’s arm until Logan’s whole palm cusped his wet cheek. Gentle, Logan’s processors told him, soft._

_“It’s been such a long time,” Logan whispered as he leant over the table, “Since you’ve shown something other than your sharp edges. Patton,” He pushed his face harder into his warm hand, “Can we not fight anymore?”_

_Patton’s puffy red eyes looked back at him, “Sure,” he kissed his palm with a soft smack, “Let’s not talk about him anymore. Instinct is…was a good boy.” Logan nodded his head as he felt Patton’s rot of anger and hate start to flake away under his hand, “He was like a son.”_

_“He wasn’t, Patton,” Logan said, “You didn’t birth him.”_

_Logan felt Patton’s renewed tears cold against his skin, “I felt like I did. I found him stealing from the cookie jar every day. He was so brave and saved Thomas lots. He even comforted Thomas whenever something bad happened!” A hand moved up from his arm to hold his palm like a solid weight, “He told Thomas to cheat when I forgot a test. He fixed our mistakes over and over again.”_

_Logan felt a deep sorrow hidden by the outer rot and that too, started to bleed off, “We won’t talk about Instinct anymore, it hurts you, and I don’t like to see you in pain.” He sighed, “Perhaps one day we can talk about him when it doesn’t hurt anymore. Perhaps one day you can forgive me. When we’re forty and gray. Like when we’re as ancient as our English teacher, Ms. Eyre.” Patton smiled at that, “Right?”_

_“Right.”_  

* * *

 

    Virgil paced on the hilltop overlooking the warehouse. He held Patton and Roman close to his face, their soft fur tickling him, they smelled like grease and his own sweat. That didn’t matter. They were alive and close in his arms. He rubbed his nose deeper into Patton’s soft little neck, while Roman preened under the attention, his rat tail wrapped around his wrist, a subtle reassurance.

    Logan bumped his head into Virgil, nearly knocking him over, and Virgil came to a stop. His shoulders shook. Damn it. His chest felt it was about to burst from the pent-up energy he had in him. Like a corroded battery set to explode. Elliot and his adventure squad of fragments were trying not to stare, but he knew, he always knew. Virgil wanted to throw himself back on Logan and run

    “Hey Virgil,” Elliott said as they walked over to him, “It’s about to start in a minute.”

    “Fine,” Virgil hissed, “Fine. Shit, let’s go.”

_Virgil…_

_Do what you’re told, Roman, and it’d save you a lot of grief._

    Roman’s tail drooped. Virgil resisted the urge to hold him tighter, but he knew his ribcage was too tiny to hold as tight as he wanted. Patton squirmed in his hold. Okay, just put them down. Then let them run down the small hill to the hole between the gray bricks to spy on the wizards.

    He squatted down and for the first time, outside of the library, he let go. Patton’s leg thumped against the ground, loud in his nervousness, Virgil felt a lump at the back of his throat. It wasn’t too late to grab them, right? Screw Elliot. Virgil reached out a hand.

    Roman was off like a shot.

    Virgil froze. His lungs couldn’t suck in anymore air. He watched with wide eyes at the black streak that was Roman scamper into the hole and disappear. His thoughts were blank with unadulterated panic.

    Virgil looked down at Patton and heaved with a gasp. He could breathe again. Patton. He was still here. Patton turned to look at him. A soft gray bunny looked up at him with an emotion he couldn’t understand behind it. Then he was gone.

    Before he knew it, he saw Patton’s little white tail disappear into the hole too.

    “Virgil!” Elliott said, they jostled his arm roughly out of his thoughts, “Virgil, concentrate, what’s happening? What are they saying?”

_Virgil, are they alright?_

    That little click in his head went off again. Virgil felt his whole-body spike with unrestrained lightening as he ran down the hill, narrowly avoiding rocks and twigs, and threw his whole body down at the hole. He scrabbled his fingers into the hole and clawed himself a bigger hole until he could thrust his whole arm through. His lungs drew in quick and shallow breaths.

    He was only able to look through with one eye as he pushed himself against the cool brick. He saw his fingers were only a few tantalizing centimeters from reaching Patton’s soft back. Dust and grit made the tips of fingers ashy and black. It was the very image of a beastly claw, desperate, as his tendons stretched against the steel roof beam.

    Just a little closer. 

    Virgil felt his vision tunnel down to Patton hopping closer but not close enough. His chest felt tight. His head full of cotton and words crushed in between them, muffling the thoughts, he heard Logan calling him from far away. Roman snapping at him. Virgil shook his head, his eyes haven’t blinked in so long, his chest did funny little hiccups, and saw grey fur bristles twitch in high definition, the shine of a pink nose, Patton why aren’t you looking at me?

_Trust me, kiddo, I’ll be fine._

_What if you’re not? Don’t—Damn it! Stop moving away!_ **_Stay._ **

_Virgil, I haven’t treated you the paradigm of morality should, in the past, and I’ve always wanted to do something to make up for it. I didn’t think I’d get my chance. Now, I have to right my wrong!! I won’t be a bad father anymore._

    Virgil was tearing off layers of paint with every reach, each more desperate than the last, until the light blue paint was peeled off to reveal the grey chrome beneath. Just a little closer. He wasn’t gonna be a defeatist, not now, not ever again. Come on, damn it! He let out a low snarl.

_Stop it, you’re gonna make your fingers bleed. Kiddo..._

_Too late. Patton, don’t g-go where I ca-can’t follow, please. You’re my_ **_best friend_ ** _._

    Roman was crawling down a pipe in a dark corner. He was scampering over to the big table in the center. Patton looked between them. _Please._ In that one moment, the world seemed to slow to a stop, then Patton turned away. Virgil released a broken sigh. Patton darted away across the roof beam and made his way down quickly to the floor without being seen. The warehouse was four stories high yet neither Roman nor Patton found it dangerous to navigate the pipes and beams downwards.

    Virgil slowly pulled his arm out and sat up against the wall. He stared down at his bleeding fingertips, nails grinded down to nubs, not really registering the pain. They smelled like paint, dust, and iron. He held his arm tight to his chest. It shook like a leaf in the wind.

    Virgil abruptly stood up and shuffled back up the hill. That man with deep lines on his face, Wisdom, had been holding Elliot back until now. Elliot wrenched their arm away from Wisdom and stood in front of Virgil. They took his hand to examine and saw how badly the very thought of his family leaving tore him apart. Elliot squeezed his hand and he could see how much Elliot wanted to say something.

    Suddenly, Logan picked him by the scruff of his hoodie, Virgil couldn’t even muster up panic as his feet left the ground. Logan’s hot breaths huffing down his neck was brief as he was plopped to sit on his flank. Virgil ran his hands through Logan’s golden coarse fur. Elliot rushed over, but Logan was far too big for anyone to attempt sitting on him unless he allowed it. Even right now while he was sitting, Logan’s height was insurmountable, not to mention his chilling glare against the audacity of it.

_I can hear what they’re saying!_

_What, Roman?_

_Their feet really stink. Ew! All the magic in the world and they can’t wash their socks. Disgusting. Yum, I smell chicken. This is a banquet, oh my god, I love banquets! Do they still have potato fireworks? I hope so, I miss them._

_Focus, Roman, damn it._

    Virgil shook his head as he concentrated on Roman’s voice. It was a bit muffled, but he could still hear it loud and clear in his mind. Even Roman’s little scoff.

_Patton?_

_Something about that Zorro guy. Oooh! I think they know where he might be. They’re planning to confront him but not right now?_ Patton whined in his ear, _why not now? A month! A MONTH? Why!_

    Virgil licked his lips and said to the others, “Wizards won’t confront Zorobabel until a month from now. Not sure why.”

_These guys are talking about something weird. Tell Patton that I’m going to be right back. I’ll be following these two stinky feet guys. I smell a rat and it ain’t me._

_Roman? Roman! Are you serious?! Stay in that room, I swear to, oh my god you did. Patton! Roman is starting to sound more, distant, where is he going? He said he’s following people and I think he’s watched too many of Game of Thrones again. Sub-plots, aren’t a thing, Roman_

_It’s called subterfuge, you uncultured swine. You know, from Toy Story? Ah forget it_

_I see Roman! He’s hiding under a table in a side room. Tell him that we have the buddy system and we should stick together! Should I go after him? I should go after him._

_No, Patton, you must listen to the Council. That’s the entire_ **_point_ ** _of this fucking mission! Do you hear that, Roman? Stick to the plan! Not chase after stinky feet_

    “Is something wrong?” Elliot asked up to him, “What is it?”

    Virgil dug his hands into his hoodie, only to feel empty weight inside, and looked back to the warehouse. He took out a hand to twist his fingers into Logan’s fur; the motion made his shoulders relax minutely. Virgil looked down his nose at Elliot, “We’re doing the mission.”

    Elliot’s face twisted and stepped back. They went back to pacing. Virgil ignored them as he concentrated his thoughts.

_Hey, if things go south, I’ll just ride you in and grab everyone. Right?_

_I am not a horse, Virgil. And neither do I have any sort of protections against magic, may I remind you that wizards have hardly been our friends. Our chances of surviving unscathed are infinitesimal._

_Bummer._

    Virgil was forced to sit and wait. If he wasn’t on Logan’s backside, he would be pacing so much until he made a grove in the grass. Roman turned out to be right. Those two wizards were up to something, looks like the Council’s wisdom was being questioned more and more. Idiots. Elliot wanted to talk to those two wizards. Virgil had the same idea, but even better. He’d make them talk.

    Patton wanted to go help Roman’s little plan. Virgil, along with some help from Logan, managed to convince him to stay where he was. Roman was luring the two out of the warehouse. Princey was one hell of an actor. Pompous dramatics, aside, that is. He grinned like the wolf he once was.

    “Virgil,” Elliott turned to him but had to dive out of the way as Logan ran down the hill, “Virgil!!” they screamed, “Get back here!!”

    Virgil’s purple hair flew in the wind as he shouted over his shoulder, “I won’t hurt them!” then looked ahead as he held Logan’s mane tighter, “Much.”

    Roman was on the other side of the warehouse. No big deal since Logan made quick work of running down the hill and jumping down onto the far street below. Virgil could feel his muscles rippling underneath him as he held on for life.

    Logan couldn’t face the entire Council.

    But he only needed to face two. Virgil knew fear all too well, and Logan didn’t even to lift a paw to get someone shaking in their boots. It was too perfect! Virgil smiled with all of his teeth.

    Screams were swiftly silenced by a giant paw. Virgil grinned at the two wizards trapped beneath Logan’s paw. Roman waved up to him. Virgil softened as he saw him, but work had to be done, and he hated working.

    “Hello,” Virgil felt comfortable slipping back into meanness like a pair of old shoes, “Those little sticks won’t help you.”

    “L-let us go!” one wizard, a young man with shaggy blonde curls, and a beanpole if he ever saw one. Insecure about his height. Virgil rolled his eyes, lame.

    “Hey, you need some toothpicks, Lo!” Virgil gasped, “Especially after what you ate yesterday. Those sticks seem like the right size.” he smirked, “Why don’t you open your mouth just to make sure?”

_Virgil._

_Just go along with it! Trust me._

    Logan opened his great maw. Teeth large as machetes and he could see their little brains shorting out at the sight of them. Logan didn’t really need toothpicks, food was for the physical world, while souls were part of the metaphysical. Incompatible. However, it looks like these wizards didn’t get the memo. What kind of world gave these idiots wands?

    “Don’t kill us!” the other one said, insecure about the size of his Adam’s apple, “What do you want?!” Logan licked his chops, “By Merlin’s dick, we’ll do anything!”

    “Anything?”

    “Y-yes!” they said in unison.

    Virgil smiled like the cat got the canary, “Those sure are dangerous words,” Logan dug his claws just a little deeper, they whimpered, “Your mild treason got ratted out to me, and from what I know, those wizards sure don’t like dissent in the ranks,” Virgil’s smile slipped off his face, “Why shouldn’t I tell them about what you really are? A bunch of goddamn traitors.”

    “No!” beanpole said, “You don’t know them! They can’t know. Please,” his voice shook, “Mercy on us!”

    “H-how did you know?”

    Virgil raised an eyebrow and Roman climbed up onto Virgil’s shoulder, he rubbed Roman’s soft head, the wizards watched with jaws dropped. Their features paled so much they looked like ghosts. Roman did a little rat snicker.

    “You don’t know anything, do you, beanpole?” Virgil said, “Nothing about this world or humans, huh?”

    “You’re the one who doesn’t know anything!”

    “You’re right,” Virgil said.

    “What? You agree with me? Oh that’s such a relief.”

    “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high.” Virgil ran his eyes up and down, it must be hell of a sore spot to make him shake like that, he smirked. His chest felt lighter. Boy, it’s been ages since he got to dig around for insults. Real mean-spirited ones. Mister Beanpole did that funny face twitch that Virgil knew from experience was from holding back tears.

_Virgil!_

_You got any of those harmful nicknames for Dumb and Dumber?_

_That wasn’t very charming of you. We want them on our side, not against us! By Tristan’s trident, do try to be more diplomatic, Justin Bitter._

_See like that, but for them, it’s not hard._

    “Hey Lo,” Virgil said, “I think these guys need a little _pick-me-up_ , don’t you think? We want them to introduce them to our friends. I’m sure they would love to have some magic on our side now.”

    Logan loomed closer.

    “We’ll s-scream!” Mister Frog Throat said, “Wait no, stop!”

    Logan picked them up by the scruff of their necks. Virgil knew Logan was effective to a tee and that meant watching his own strength. He wasn’t worried. Virgil took some pleasure in seeing their lavish robes torn to shreds by Logan’s claws.

    “If you even think about using those twigs against us,” Virgil said, a cold iciness laced in every word, “We’re going to find out together whether your head is really full of air.”

_Unrealistic. His head houses grey brain matter, mucus, and the usual blood veins and nerve endings. His skull can’t be filled with air, despite his wizardy heritage, they do seem to be like humans._

_It’s a threat, buddy._

_Oh._

    “Why do you space off like that?” Mister Beanpole said, “It’s creepy.”

    “None of your damn business, that’s why,” Virgil said as they climbed back up the hill, “Now shut up and play nice.”

    “Like you’re one to talk.” Frog Throat murmured.

    "Oh excuse me,” Virgil said, “Who is in the jaws of a bloodthirsty lion here? Me or you??” they didn’t answer, “Great! Glad to have that sorted out.”

    The other fragments gasped as Logan came over the hill. Roman puffed up his chest from his shoulder. Virgil rolled his eyes. He didn’t even need to tell Logan to deal with the wizards when they so much twitched wrong. He had them pinned underneath his claws again. Virgil smirked.

    “Hey, I’m Elliott,” Elliott said as he crouched down to hold out a hand to them, “What are your names?”

    Virgil tuned out whatever medieval fantasy jack-off names they said. It was probably stupid as they were. He slid down from Logan’s back and rubbed his flank. Logan gave an annoyed little huff in his mind.

    “We’ll do whatever you want! Just don’t let us be near that guy again!” Mister Frog said, “Is he a demon? He’s a son of the Devil, I tell you! Please believe me!”

    Elliott blinked down at him as Virgil put his hands in his pockets, smirking, “What are you talking about? I know he can be a bit mean but it comes from a place of caring.”

    “The Devil?” Virgil shrugged, “Nah, man, I’m just Anxiety. I got issues bigger than that thing you call an adam’s apple.” he sneered.

    “Virg _—_ ”

    “Call me Anxiety,” Virgil cut off, Thomas has read enough magical stories to know that names have power and fucked up shit can be done with a true name, “In front of these two clowns at least. Alright? Thanks, Elliott.”

    Elliot’s lips thinned. Virgil turned away, his good mood now evaporated, great. He was just doing his job. He was good at it. He liked it, maybe too much, but that only made him greater at his damn calling.

_Hey, I think I got caught._

    Virgil stilled, _Patton what the fuck._

_At least now they have definite proof that soul fragments are a thing!_

    Virgil remembered the only exit was on the other side, the front, and the small hole that they went through. His chest became cold and tight. He knew this would happen! Why didn’t he do anything? Useless.

_What’s wrong?_

_Roman, it’s Patton, he got caught. Please go get him._

_Ay ay sir!_

_Wait._

    Virgil held Roman before he scampered off again. He felt the coarse rat fur bristling against his hands. His tail pink as Roman got after a rare compliment from Virgil. He knew this was Princey’s job, saving people, but that was in the mindscape.

    This was the real world.

    Roman was a rat. God, did Roman even know how easy rats get killed? There was a traumatizing children’s movie about it. Patton is in danger, Virgil thought as he held Roman to his chest, Roman has to go. He had to. He wasn’t leaving his best friend behind. Ever. That meant swallowing back his fear.

    “Pat got caught,” Virgil said, “Ro is going back in.”

    “Leave him,” Elliott said, “We have to let the Wizard Council underestimate us. Who knows if Zorobabel’s got moles in that room? Then he might inflict a worse spell on us all.” Elliott put a hand on his shoulder, “The rebellion matters more than a shard.”

    Virgil shoved Elliott back, “What the fuck! He’s family! You know him.”

    “What then?” Elliott said, “Are we gonna be stuck in this damn cycle forever until the end of time because of your family?”

    “Yes!”

    “It’s been a year! Less!” Elliott shouted, their face red and their chest heaving, “I can’t understand how you can forgive them so easily.”

    “Stay the fuck away from me,” Virgil snarled, “The only reason I don’t knock your lights out is Thomas’ love for Joan. He loves Joan so damn much.” He turned away to set Roman down on the grass, “You, less so,” he said as he watched Roman take off like a shot, “I’m saving Patton, he hasn’t done one goddamn thing to deserve this.”

    “Guess it’s true, love is blind,” Elliott said as they rubbed their arms, “Never got that, would’ve been easier, in fact.”

    Roman was able to save Patton with nary a problem. However, the wizards had him long enough to figure out Patton was a soul fragment after shooting a spell at him. Roman only had to show up as his rat self to get them panicked and in the confusion one of them dropped Patton. Virgil didn’t let Patton explain what he learned on his mission when he picked the two of them up and stuffed him into his hoodie and got out of Dodge.

    Virgil couldn’t breathe until they got home. He hugged the daylights out of Roman and Patton. He didn’t care if Elliot and the rebellion got their captured wizards. His family was here and he didn’t ever want his heart to pound like it did today.

    Virgil ignored the niggling feeling that Patton has been acting off for a while. Especially after what he said about being a bad father. What the hell was he talking about? Patton was a great dad.

* * *

 

           _Logic stared at the dark sea stretching to the horizon. Far from the shore, there was a large splash of color in every hue. It was the spot that Instinct fell into the water but lost his colors the moment he got in. Morality dragged the two of them from their shocked stillness down the hill, miraculously none of them fell too, and he could hear Morality choking back tears next to him._

_“You have to go,” Morality said to him, eyes shining, “Go get him.”_

_Logic shook his head, slow and numb, “I can’t. Creativity has more experience rescuing people and you Morality, you have the heart to find him. Why me?”_

_Creativity stood up on shaky legs, all of them were the same age, yet Logic could swear he looked younger. His hair lighter and there was something in face stark and vulnerable. Ready to take on a new world that he knew nothing about. “He’s my best friend, I’ll go.” He said._

_Morality put his arms around him, “No! No,” more tears slipped out as he pulled in a ragged breath, “I won’t risk you. It’d be a bad idea for Thomas’ imagination to take a walk into his worst thoughts. No. I can’t lose you too.”_

_Logic blinked, his processors were coming back online one by one, “Morality, what exactly are you saying? What are you doing?”_

_Morality looked up at him, a hurricane barely contained in his small body, eyes hard like stones, “I’m keeping Creativity here. I can’t go. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t be able to bear it. But since you’re the one who allowed this mess to happen, you have to go, and bring Instinct back.”_

_Creativity tried to lunge forward toward the water, Morality pinned him. His prince outfit became smeared in the muddy water bank as he clawed forward despite Morality’s desperate scrambles. Logic took a step back, he didn’t know what to do, this never happened. A hot feeling clawed up his stomach, panic, and made his processors stall in their compartments._

_“I have to go! Let me go!” Creativity screamed and flipped over and kicked at Morality. Morality gasped in surprise. Morality’s face turned beet red as Creativity paled. A red error sign flashed in Logic’s mind, Morality was acting outside of his parameters, he had to act. Morality swung his fist back. Logic tackled him and felt Morality’s ribs poking him into his stomach._

_“No!” Logic said, “You will not raise a hand towards Instinct nor Creativity. I told you.” Morality struggled beneath him, emotions hot enough to make Logic wince, “Stop! I know you’re upset. I’ll go. Will that make you calm?”_

_Creativity finally let the deer-in-headlights look fade from his eyes, “What? Logic, you’re letting him walk all over you!” Creativity stood up and conjured a sword, “I didn’t mean to give him the idea. I have to be the one that goes.”_

_Morality breathed in a gasp, his face green and his glasses splattered with muck, “Logic, you can’t let him! He’s—he’s family—I love him. He doesn’t know about the dark. That the two of us battled for so long and plugged, but it’s back. Somehow it came back in the form of a sea.” Logic felt Morality’s soft shoulders shake beneath his hands, “It has to be one of us two. To bring Instinct back at_ ** _all costs_** _. I trust you’ll do it. Be the cold level-headed logical one of us.”_

_Finally, once he understood what Morality was asking of him, the clouds in his realm broke with a torrent of hard rain. Logic let Morality stand up. Morality looked upwards and down to Logic, he wasn’t physically crying, but his realm’s weather betrayed him. Logic adjusted his glasses and pushed his sopping hair out of his hard-set eyes._

_Morality was asking for Logic, not Logan, for the first time._

_Logic turned away as Morality walked up to Creativity. He heard Morality ask for his sword and then a flash of gold lit up the grey shore then a thump. Logic turned back to see Morality putting Creativity with gentle hands against a large rock. He kissed his forehead and tucked away a golden memory stone into his back pocket._

_Logic felt the corners of his mouth turn downwards at the sight, “That is a very large one. Will you hide it away, Morality?”_

_Morality walked up to him, his sword back in old hands, “I don’t know. It depends on whether you bring Instinct back. I’m just holding onto it.” Morality ran a hand down the hilt, over the pommel, and feather light over the silver blade. The sword transformed before his eyes into a giant glowstick the same size, and it gleamed like bottled sunshine. Morality handed it to him, “This should ward away most shadows. A good whack will dissipate even the most stubborn ones. Bring Instinct back.”_

_Logic took it with both hands and felt his clothes change into more armored ones. He looked down and raised an eyebrow, “Mulan?” Morality shrugged and put two hands on his shoulders, “Bring him back. I’ll stay here to watch Thomas while you’re gone. Please, just bring Instinct back to me, I can’t bear the thought that he’s—he’s—gone.”_

_Morality wiped away more tears._

_Logic nodded, he’d do anything Morality asked of him, “I’ll go find him.”_

_He turned around and walked into the waters. It was bone-biting cold, his fingers started to lose feeling, but he soldiered on. Logic felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as the water lapped at his chin. He resisted the urge to turn around and look at the shore. No doubt it was far. Logic pushed forward only to realize he walked off the shelf and the water sucked him up with a pop._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned into a whooping 10k oops
> 
> please leave some kudos and comments!!! please do, because i have the second part of this long chapter already finished but I'm holding it back so I can get a jump on the next chapter
> 
> it will be up soon!!
> 
> i worked super hard on this chapter so i hope y'all will love it!! and I updated my tags so yay! :D


	10. The Devil Within (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Never mind [x2]_   
>  _I leave the life_   
>  _I left behind_   
>  _There's Truth that lives_   
>  _And Truth that dies_   
>  _I don't know which_   
>  _So never mind..._   
>  [Nevermind by Leonard Cohen](https://youtu.be/rSSVDGY0dP4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, past minor character death
> 
> Notes: this was the hardest part to write and it's the only chapter solely dedicated to a memory! I think I need to remind that this memory is from when he was ten....

_Logic tumbled down until he rolled to a stop. He looked upwards only to realize the water was an illusion. It was only as deep as the shore. Logic sat up and looked around to see he had stopped on a ledge, and the ground was like a trench with a sharp incline towards the flat plains he could see far below. The air was bone dry._

_There was swirling darkness but in the middle of this great plain was a circle of light bearing down on a spot. It shone down like the stained-glass panes he’s seen in the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the colors twinkling. It was what was left of Instinct’s colors. Logan squinted. There was someone lying still on the ground in the center of the soft light._

_Instinct._

_Logic ran down the steep incline. In minutes, the ground sloped out to a flat plain, and he kept going. The darkness was thicker here. His giant glowstick kept it at bay. It cut large swathes with every swing as Logic pressed forward._

_Instinct laid still on his back. Logic fell to his knees at his side. He put his glowstick aside and blinked up at the colors still gently swirling in a circle far above. It was the size of a dime, that’s how far down the two of them were, Logic looked down, and pulled Instinct onto his lap. The patches on his jacket were a dull grey now._

_“I’ll get you home, it’s alright now, Instinct.”_

_“N-no.” A rattle bubbled out of him, Logic shook his head and put his arms under Instinct in a bridal’s carry, “I’m getting you home and that’s final.”_

_“No, Logic,” Instinct wheezed another rattle against his neck, “I’m dy-dying. Kicking the bucket.”_

_“Preposterous."_  

_Instinct made a funny sound, a mix between a laugh and a sad cough, “You and y-y-your big words.”_

_Logic made the glowstick hover next to the two of them both. The soft light from the colors far above played on Instinct’s pale cheekbones. They were sallow, so unlike Thomas’ rosy cheeks, and ashy. Brushes of green, pinks, and purples made his eyes pop with a liveliness that did not exist, twinkles of red shone in his hair like a damned halo, and yellow made his whole complexion appear sick with sunshine. Instinct was light as a feather._

_“You’re too light.”_

_“Yeah, well, that tends to happen when you feed your dinner to the dogs while the Prince isn’t looking,” Instinct curved a weak smile upwards, “Didn’t need it.”_

_Logic made his way to the edge of the circle of light, only to realize, it was smaller. He looked up to see the faraway dime being eaten by darkness on all sides. They were running out of time. Logic didn’t want to think whose time was running out._

_“Ya know it’s funny,” Instinct said, “There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to die.”_

_“You’re not.”_

_“Put me back, Logic,” Instinct said, “I liked looking at my pretty colors in the sky. Please.”_

_The shadows outside of the dwindling circle were thick now, a strange frenzy that emanated out from the darkness, that couldn’t be told in words. Logic turned around and sat down with Instinct close to his chest. Instinct’s eyes turned glassy and distant as he stared up. Logic’s shoulders shook like a leaf in a storm._

_“I can take you home,” Logic pleaded, “I can run fast enough. Patton can heal you. We’ll heal you and talk to you.”_

_“Patton?”_

_“A little thing between Morality and I,” Logic admitted, “He named me Logan. Sometimes he thinks we can be like real boys.”_

_“Name me.”_

_“W-what?”_

_"I’m dead,” Instinct said, his eyes were glazed over with a white film, “Or soon. It’s just a name. You and I know I’ll never make it long enough to see my room again.”_

_“Huh, what will happen to my room?”_

_“Don’t,” Logic choked on the words as a sob wrenched out of him, “Don’t talk like that. Remember Thomas might get his Hogwarts letter next year? Don’t you want to see that? Oh, Creativity will love it.”_

_Instinct put a hand on his cheek, his fingers wet with a substance, Logic held his wrist. His hand was slowly melting, dripping like candle wax, and his blood was the same rainbow sheen as the cathedral-like colors far above. Instinct ran what was left of his fingers over Logan’s wet cheekbones._

_“You look nice in blue.”_

_“You already have a name, Self Preservation,” Logic said, “It’s Instinct. Patton named you too. He loves you very much. He loves you. I love you. Creativity loves you. Thomas loves you. If he knew you, he would. I know it, it’s a fact. Everyone loves you.”_

_“Instinct, huh?” Instinct looked past him, “It’s a nice name. I love it,” he lied, “Thank you, Logan. But I don’t love me so not everybody loves me. You’re wrong. Sometimes the voices say I should be better. What if this is all I amount to? I just want them to be quiet.”_

_Logic realized the light was getting tighter and the shadows grew more oppressive. Hungry. Logic shook Instinct and more colors flung out like he was a wet paint rag. A soft sizzle came from the shadows. Logic turned his head and gasped as he saw shadows lunge at the delicate iridescent drops._

_“Instinct,” Logan said almost if the word was punched out of him, he pulled him forward until Instinct was scant inches from his face, his eyes desperately searching the other’s blank ones, “I failed you. I should’ve seen this coming. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” His hands cradled his head, “I’m logic, I have to be better, I must be better. I did this.”_

_“I did this.” Logan said as tears fell onto Instinct’s cold cheeks, “I did this. Morality was right. I did this. This is my fault. My fault."_

_“It’s okay, don't blame yourself,”  a soft whisper from pale lips, “I don’t think I’ll be missed.”_

_Instinct fell apart into a puddle of colors. The light above disappeared with an earth-shaking boom. Logan picked up his glowstick, it was dripping with Instinct, bile crawled up his throat. He was covered in him. The colors twinkled in his glowstick’s stark golden glow._

_Shadows swarmed around his feet, gobbling up the essence with loud smacks, and he watched colors streak around faint snouts and then disappear into its skin. Logan swung his glowstick around violently, hisses cried out, and he saw the colors he had on him were gone._

_“Give him back!” Logan snarled, the battle had begun, “Return him!”_

_Logan lost himself in the heat of battle. His sneakers scuffing the dust of the plain with every swing of Light. It whistled through dark hides and creatures fell apart into dark ink and splatters of pink, green, and more hues. Logan beckoned the glistening droplets into a conjured bottle on his belt._

_Logan swung and sliced. His face was set into hard stone. Cold and pure Logic was doing what Morality asked of him. A deadly dance that tore at the worst of Thomas’ thoughts apart until he was covered in their muck._

_It was a big plain._

_He wouldn’t ever stop. Not if it took days, weeks, or even years, he was getting Instinct back piece by piece. Shadows flinched from his weapon. Teeth glinted as he gritted through the pain. No doubt he would have torn his tendons already if he wasn’t in the mind._

_The plains weren’t so flat anymore. Cracks opened like a great maw, ugly and raw, and Logan barely kept himself from tripping over them. Logan leapt over them. The little bottle on his belt gained back its luminescence, radiant and loud in its brilliance, Instinct was hard won from the hungry jaws and stomachs of the shadows._

_He noticed with rising panic that the shadows had more distinct shapes. He’s never seen them beyond vague snouts and vulnerable bellies. A tail whistles over his head. It was green. Logan tackled the creature and with a sharp swing downwards, it fell apart into a green and black murk._

_Then he heard it._

_A baby was crying, wailing its little lungs out, and it echoed in the silent plain. Logan’s sneakers squelched as he waded through the mud. It was coming from somewhere. He broke out into a run._

_Little hiccups and crying seem to echo from all corners. Shadows stilled as if they realized Logan’s true intentions and swarmed him. Even the mud of slain shadows sucked at his shoes in a pathetic attempt to stop him._

_Logan put two hands on his sword and Light exploded out. In that one blinding moment, he saw the shadows, and they had bodies. He saw pincers, eyes, and the glint of claws as they scampered away. He was sure there was more but he wasn’t sticking around to see the rest._

_Logan ran so fast that he almost flew over the cracked plains. Yet, the cries surrounded him. Logan snarled, the shadows must be echoing right back, and hiding its location. The baby wailed even louder until he felt his ears ache. He stumbled. His glowstick clattered to the ground and rolled to a stop in front of a large crack. It lit up the craggy rock face downwards to some unknown depths._

_Logan crawled forward to grab it. A few pebbles fell down. A familiar wail answered. Logan’s eyes widened and looked downwards into the small canyon, his glowstick was enough to see it was as deep as a grave, but sure enough there was a small lump of black cloth wiggling at the bottom of it._

_Logan threw his glowstick down next to it and climbed down the gorge. He sat at the bottom, the cloth wiggled again and a baby peeked out, its eyes shone in the faint golden light. Logan crawled closer. It looked like it was big enough to be a one-year-old._

_“Instinct?”_

_Tears shone down its cheeks as it wailed again. Its little rib cage heaving as it twisted in its black cloth. He didn’t know how to relate to kids his age. Much less younger. Logan pulled Instinct into his lap and cradled him to his chest._

_“Instinct,” Logan said relieved, “Morality will be very happy to see you.”_

_The little baby clutched at his armor and buried its head into his neck. Soft sobs echoed in the deepest reaches of Thomas’ dark thoughts. What an odd baby, it seemed not to stop crying for anything, he must be doing something wrong. Logan rocked it gentle and slow. Sobs quietened to sniffles._

_“I need to carry you back. But how?”_

_Logan fiddled with the cloth until he realized it was an oversized black hoodie. It didn’t have any patches but light grey lines spanning it. He wound the hoodie around Instinct’s small form and tied the sleeves across his chest in a makeshift sling. Like in the movies he’s seen with Morality. Their episodes of ‘playing house’ wasn’t for naught after all. Instinct looked up at him from his chest with big shining eyes. Pain etched across his pale features._

_“Let’s go home.” Logan said, “Together.”_

_Logan climbed the sheer side of the gorge until he got on the craggy plains with a grunt. He held his Light up high. Instinct shied away from it. Suddenly, shadows lunged for him in a whirlwind of claws and scales. Logan didn’t hesitate for a second and swung his Light in an arc._

_A hiss and the sizzle of burnt flesh._

_“That’s new.”_

_Logan stared down at the yellow snake at his feet with wide eyes. On one side of its face was oozing red and the left eye was eaten away. It blinked up at him with its one good eye and then closed it, accepting its fate, and Logan swung down. It exploded into black and yellow droplets. The yellow color flew into Logan’s bottle with the other pieces._

_Finally, Logan walked back to the shore. He panted. Morality will be happy with him, wouldn’t he? He found all the pieces of Instinct. Thoughts niggled at the back of his mind, he ignored it, everything was fine. He had a de-aged Instinct on his hands but they could handle it. They could be the family Patton always wanted._

_“Logan?”_

_He broke out into a smile, “I found him, Patton.”_

_Creativity lied on his back against the rock on the shore. Patton sat up from his side and eyed Logan with the baby held against his chest. Patton ran closer, his shoulders shuddered with bone deep relief, Logan dropped his stick of Light at his feet. He didn’t need it anymore. Logan’s legs wobbled beneath him. Tired, exhausted, and more synonyms flitted through his head._

_“Instinct!” Patton drew himself to a stop, “I have a bad feeling all of the sudden.”_

_“What?”_

_Logan undid his sling and held Instinct against his hip, Instinct peeked out with wary eyes, more tears slipped out. Its pale cheeks with dark shadows under its round eyes made it more ghastly in the lowlight of the clouded sky._

_“He always seems to be in a constant state of distress,” Logan said as he held it up to Patton, “He keeps crying and I don’t understand. But we can help him.”_

_Patton flinched away as the baby hiccuped._

_“Keep it away from me.”_

_“Patton?”_

_“That’s not Instinct. That’s_ **_not_ ** _my baby!” Patton hunched over as he clutched his chest, “What have you_ **_done_ ** _!”_

_“What are you talking abo⎯”_

_Patton’s legs failed him and he brought his head down until it touched the cool sand. A sound wrenched out of his small frame that haunted Logan for the rest of his days. Logan would rather die than hear the keen wail that reminded him of the people covered in soot on the night news. Usually clutching small bodies in their arms. Patton echoed it, tears slipping down his face, as more sounds crawled out of his throat._

_Logan felt each whimper like a whip across the face._

_Patton looked up at him, in that moment, all of his big words failed to describe it, “It has a piece of Instinct in it. The last piece. It’s a shadow creature, Logan, look for yourself. I can feel the glow of Instinct deep in it.”_

_Logan felt hot shame burn up the nape of his neck, “No. It’s Instinct. See, he looks like him! It has to be him. I found him.”_

_“Logan.”_

_“It’s him!” Logan said, “He isn’t dead! He’s not. Are you implying Logic was not sound?”_

_“Logic!”_

_Logan flinched. Patton stood up and wiped away his tears, almost knocking his glasses off in the process, and a different look crossed his face. Patton lunged. For the baby. Logan’s processors screeched to a stop then ran at such high speeds that he felt the lurch sicken him in his bones. Logan turned to shield the baby, shadowling, from Patton’s desperate grab._

_“No!”_

_“Just give it!”_

_“Patton, stop it, just stop!”_

_“We need that piece!” the sheer amount of pressure Logan felt from Patton was overwhelming, it choked him, even in his realm, Patton was nigh unstoppable._

_Logan stumbled. Suddenly a bright golden glow shone on him from above. Morality stood with his sword, no longer a glowstick, but it shone with golden fire. It made Patton’s rosy cheeks sharp and his eyes more haggard and desperate. The shadowling wailed, fat tears rolled down its pudgy cheeks, it seemed to register the danger it was in._

_“Patton, please.”_

_“It won’t hurt you, Logic, you know it won’t.”_

_“Please.” Logan repeated, but like all ten year olds, Patton didn’t want to stop until he got what he wanted, “Just think about this!”_

_Logan held the shadowling close, but now in the bright light from Patton’s imminent doom for it, he saw it. It was swaddled in a black shirt underneath the hoodie and in the center of it was a small purple heart. The shadowling clutched at his armor, small fat fingers searching for comfort, love._

_He remembered Instinct said a part of him didn’t want to die._

_Perhaps this was it._

_The shadowling howled as its tiny frame wracked with tremors. It was scared of dying. Logan has never encountered a shadow like it. Just behind them all was the soft crash of the dark waters hitting the shore, the illusion hiding the ripped plains far below, it was bare. He’s gathered all the pieces of Instinct except one._

_“Patton,” Logan said, “Hear me out.”_

_“What is it now?”_

_“Please.”_

_“What! Just say what you want, Logic, I’m getting Instinct back no matter what. It’s my job as the father to keep the family together. And it’s justice because I say so.”_

_“Let’s make a deal.”_

_“What?” Patton said as he pointed the sword down, then he squinted, “Are you coming to your senses, Logic?”_

_“Don’t hurt him. Whatever you do, don’t hurt him.” Logan said as he stood up, the shadowling hushing down to whimpers against his neck, “You can hurt me. You can hate me. You can do whatever you like with me after all this. But don’t hurt them.” He looked to Creativity’s prone form, “Please.”_

_Logan untied the bottle from his belt and held it up. It shone like a star plucked down from the heavens. Radiant in all colors except one. Patton’s hand rose up to reach for it like a flower to the sun after many days of darkness. Miserable was the only word Logan knew to describe his face._

_Logan held it back, “This is the rest of Instinct.”_

_Patton’s throat didn’t seem to work for a few minutes as he stared at it. Croaks fell from his lips. It was the closest thing to a corpse for a side. That is, until it got its final piece, and Instinct would come back good as new. Like nothing happened._

_“Give it.”_

_“No,” Logan said, “You’re wrong. This is all wrong.” His heart did a funny little hiccup, “We both don’t know anything at all. My great mountain is only a hill. Your golden rules is a weapon for throwing a tantrum when you don’t get what you want. It wasn’t my fault. None of us was at fault for Instinct deciding on leaving.”_

_Logan stepped back and with focus, his armor faded away, leaving him in his suit and jeans. The baby he held with one arm was inconsolable at this point. He hoped one day they would get it to smile. Logan held his brilliant bottle up high._

_“It’s your fault!”_

_Logan sucked in a breath. It was now or never. His processors turned in his mind, mulling over his decisions and deemed it well. Logan still felt cold fear in his processors like black rot. No. There was no stopping this._

_“Instinct isn’t worth the death of new sides,” Logan said, “You didn’t see them, Patton, I killed them. I saw real dragons, beasts, and I stomped out anything that moved. I saw some with hands, legs kicking at nothing, new eyes blinking, and I killed them. Slayed them. I was like you, I wanted Instinct back at all costs, they were just bad thoughts to_ **_crush_ ** _under our shoes.”_

_“It can’t be the four of us forever.” Logan said, tears for the first time slipping down his cheeks, “It isn’t fair to Thomas, or Instinct, his death has to mean for something. It isn’t fair to this shadowling, he’s new and scared, in fact, he’s terrified. You’re scaring him. I have to stop you.”_

_“Logan.” Patton said distraught._

_“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Logan said, his tone somber, “I’ll give the bottle to you to hide away. Some little cabinet somewhere. We can start again with this little shadowling, we can be four of a set again.” Logan narrowed his eyes at him, “We won’t kill him. Never.”_

_Patton stepped forward. Menace lined in the curve of his shoulders. Logan stepped back as a scenario popped into his head. The blur of Patton’s sword, his arms empty, looking down to see him dripping in purple and black ink. A wretched scream died in his throat. His processors stuttered over the memory of Instinct dying the same way._

_“Stop! Or I break it.”_

_“You wouldn’t.”_

_Logan held the bottle up high, “And I’ll free every piece in here. Thomas can grow beyond the four of us. Grownups have many sides. It’s inevitable. I won’t let you kill a side for the sake of simplicity.” Logan watched Patton’s face turn red like a stop sign, “Patton, please, for the love of god just_ **_listen_ ** _to me. If I free them, I swear I won’t get them back, it’s not my job anymore. Our little family just gets bigger. Yeah?”_

_“No, I want Instinct back!”_

_“He’s not coming!”_

_“We need him! I need him!” Patton stomped his feet with each shout, “I. Want. My. Instinct. Back!”_

_“Instinct is_ **_dead!_ ** _”_

_“No!”_

_“Yes! He died in front of me!” Logan felt more tears spring as he recalled being drenched in him, dripping, and the cold darkness threatening to swallow him whole too, “Instinct is dead. He’s dead. Patton,” his voice cracked, “he’s dead.”_

_Patton lunged forward one last time for the piece he held. The baby shrieked at the sudden movement. The arc of Patton’s sword was blinding as it came closer. He had to act. Time slowed as he made his decision. Now or never. The sound of glass shattering rang clear on the shore. Silence. Then air whistled like fireworks on the fourth of July, they were all awash in colors, his pale arm dripped with red._

_Patton and Logan blew back from the impact, Logan took the brunt of the tumble, and they watched with dazed eyes as the pieces flew fast and far into the mindscape. Some chose to go back into the water, others to far flung reaches that likely would never be found. Gone forever. His palm stung with an acute pain. Ah that’s right, he cut his palm open by shattering the bottle he held._

_He didn’t feel regret._

_“Patton.”_

_Just then, the baby made a tiny hiccup, it sounded different. He looked down. It was a giggle. Huh. Logan sat up and held him up close to his face. He reached up for Logan’s glasses with those small pudgy hands. His cheeks weren’t so pale now. A hint of pink like the milk of a new sun just peeking over the horizon._

_Logan leaned closer. Those pudgy hands squished his cheeks on either side. A curious giggle. He may be a shadowling, but he could already tell he was a gentle one, even if he cried a lot. So wretched all his short life yet his tiny giggles spoke of a happiness not yet tapped. Not yet realized._

_Logan healed his palm with some focus. His aches from the god knows how long battle would need to be healed later. He stood up with the baby against his neck, he had to stop calling him that, and saw Patton crumpled in a grief-stricken heap._

_“Patton.”_

_“Logan,” he croaked, his hands against his face, his glasses had fallen onto the sand, “You saved that_ **_thing_ ** _.”_

_“Yes, I did.” Logan held out a hand to Patton, “He’s family.”_

_Patton took his hand and stood up with some effort. No doubt he was emotionally drained from everything that happened this afternoon. Patton made a retch that was almost a sob. It was clear that Instinct’s death was finally getting to him. Logan didn’t doubt for a moment that Patton would grow to accept the baby into their family. He knew it like the sky was blue._

_“Hug me.” Patton swayed forward, “Please.”_

_“As you wish.”_

_Patton’s startled laughter tinkled like bells, “Thomas sure likes watching the Princess Bride a lot. Instinct likes…” his laughter faded, then Patton wrapped his arms around him, so tight that he could feel his ribs groan, “Oh, Logan! Logan, Logan,_ **_Logan_ ** _!” he broke down into incoherent sobs._

_He didn’t know what Patton was asking of him, but that didn’t matter. Logan closed his free arm around Patton’s back. He ran his hand through his hair, like he’s seen it in the movies, and the motion made Patton drop his head on his shoulder opposite the baby’s._

_“I love you, Patton.”_

_The baby cooed low and soft, it wore happiness like shoes a size too big, the silent promise it will grow into it someday. Logan smiled, maybe he could be a dad too. Patton shuddered into his neck. Then he felt Patton’s arms wind around the baby. Silent but insistent. Oh, did Patton accept him already? Great news._

_Logan gave way to his request. As you wish, he thought. Patton held the baby against his chest a touch too tight. Patton pulled away a smidge but not enough to break their hug. The baby tried to reach up for Patton’s own glasses. Patton flinched away. Logan felt something cold settle in his stomach._

_Then before he could speak, a golden glow lit up between them, and the eerily familiar press of fingers into his processors. He slumped forward like a rag doll against Patton’s chest, Patton’s own arm winded around his hips, holding him up. Logan’s eyes were glassy, adrift in the memories that was being stolen. His chest horrifically still._

_They stopped at the moment Logan reached out to save Instinct from the cliff. Patton’s mental fingers pulled away. Logan could hear a baby’s screams far and distant, his eyes being invaded by the darkness of passing out, a word shone in his scrambled mind._

_Logan weakly held up a finger and felt the tight grip of a pudgy hand around it. Full on wails and a bone-crushing grip was all Logan could process. He had to say something. Before he forgot._

_“_ **_Anxiety_ ** _, I lov…” Logan said, then his finger fell away, and his awareness shut off like a light. His processors clicked to a standstill. Patton stumbled with Logan’s deadweight._

_“Stop squirming!” Patton snapped, “Do you want me to drop you?”_

_Anxiety bawled as he reached for Logan’s limp figure. Fat fingers reaching out into nothing. Patton struggled with Logan’s weight until he came to the rock on the shore. He put Logan down slow and easy against Creativity’s shoulder. The two of them his family._

_Anxiety was not._

_“You’re making me cry,” Patton said, bouncing Anxiety in his arms, the golden glow of a memory stone in one hand, “Shush, little shadowling.”_

_Anxiety cried as he leaned away from Patton’s hold. His little fists hit against his chest. Patton felt his heart clench. No, this was the right thing to do. He was Morality, that meant whatever he decided to do was the right thing. Always._

_Right?_

_The shine of a little purple heart still twinkled in Patton’s glasses. He was one for seeing the truth. Even under layers of dark clothes. It was what was left of Instinct’s heart. What a sad little thing. Patton held the screeching baby in his arms, it was the closest he’d ever get to Instinct hugging him again, he closed his eyes. Anxiety shrieked his head off. Pure hate so loud that Patton winced._

_Patton pulled away, “You’re not replacing him.”_

_He squirmed in the tight hold._

_“I won’t let you.”_

_That day Thomas lost his desire to live, but in the end, it was replaced with being too anxious to die. It amounted to the same thing; Thomas stayed alive. Logan felt unspeakable guilt and shame over letting Instinct slip out of his fingers. Patton had told him it was his fault, and that he wasn’t good at being Logic. Logan lost himself in his books. Creativity threw himself into doing his once neglected job, a new obsession with saving princesses for some inexplicable feeling he failed something. Or someone._

_Patton put Anxiety on Logan’s lap. Immediately he crawled into Logan’s limp arms. Soft little weeps as he patted Logan’s face to no avail. Patton turned away from the sight. He swallowed as he held the two memory stones in his hands._

_He took all of Creativity’s memories of Instinct away. The memory stone twinkled with many sunny afternoons lost to quests and the sound of laughter in bed forts. Instinct’s bright toothy grin. Patton looked over to his other hand. He was tempted to take Logan’s memories too, but Patton heard that misery loves company, so he erased Logan’s mistake for him. He saw darkness swirling in Logan’s. The flash of teeth. Patton swallowed._

_He smashed the two of them against the bottom of the rock. Loud wails, rambunctious laughter, and the soft whisper of last words filled the air. Patton scrunched his eyes shut as he covered his ears until the last of the memories disappeared and the crash of the waves against the shore was the only sound that echoed. Patton shuddered._

_He looked down at the golden shards of the two memory stones. They’d be forgotten, irretrievable, lost forever. Whatever silly little things Logan heard, it was gone now, and that was the right thing to do. Patton’s throat felt dry and ragged from all the crying he did today._

_Anxiety drifted off to sleep still crying on Logan’s chest._

_Patton rubbed his arms. Logan wanted him to be accepted into the family but it was too much to ask of him. He couldn’t, not so soon after Instinct’s death, murder even. Guilt ate at his insides, no, he’s not in the wrong! It had to be someone’s fault. It had to._

_His eyes landed on Logan. He did say he could do anything he liked to him. He said so. Patton’s insides twisted, it was_ **_Logan_ ** _’s fault, he did this. Justice had to be dolt out. Morality had to be Morality. Patton leaned down to brush a lock out of Logan’s face._

_“You failed Instinct,” Patton whispered, “You didn’t pay attention. You let him slip out of your fingers. You know I’m right. Now, Thomas has anxiety, how can that help anyone?”_

_Patton looked down._

_He was so small. Patton’s hand shook as he ran it through his short hair, soft as the finest silk, but he didn’t wake up. Anxiety made a quiet sob. Boy, this kid didn’t ever stop. Patton looked to his sword, and with a wave, it was gone._

_“You have to stop crying,” Patton told him, words from movies echoed in his head, “Man up. Big boys don’t cry.”_

_Anxiety snuffled in his sleep._

_“Give me a few years,” Patton said, “I don’t know whether to love you just yet. You’re so adorable and soon you’ll grow.” he paused, “I don’t know what into, but we’ll see, but I hope you’re kind and sweet. The only thing I won’t forgive is if you_ **_hurt_ ** _Thomas.”_

_Patton curled into a squat as he felt grief like a storm through his heart, “By god, I hope you’re good. Like Logan said. God, please.” He bit back a sob, “Please, I don’t want to fight anyone.”_

_Patton turned out to be right. It did take him a few years to love him, eighteen years in fact, after Thomas had the idea for a certain YouTube series. Anxiety grew from his little baby form to the same age as the other sides in a mere week. It never crossed his mind he wasn’t alive before that day. Not in a true sense, of course. Patton kept quiet about a lot of things including that he knew truths while a certain counterpart knew nothing but lies._

_Patton put away the memory stone back in its safe in a hidden part of his room. He kept it at the back of his closet. It’s been years since he thought about what he’s done. Now that Virgil is so happy about being in the group. It feels...wrong now to keep this from him._

_He didn’t need to know._

_None of them needed to._

_They were all so happy now! Virgil finally trusted him, and said they were best friends, how could he make him sad? It was in the past. Instinct was dead and he knew Logan still blamed himself. He remembered that question about Logan’s biggest mistake a while back, he cut in and said it was infinitesimal. Instinct was too personal and old to share._

_Whatever Patton said, the others went along, no one would really defy the heart. Patton fell back on his bed. He had to be better now. Then maybe he’d be happier._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew!!!
> 
> that entire part above took two weeks to write!!!! because it was so emotionally taxing to write and experience and it seemed like even patton was reluctant to tell me what happened.
> 
> and I got to write some sweet Dad!Logan for however long he lasted...it sure is a _shame_ that Logan decided to bottle up all of his feelings, including some paternal ones....RIP Dad!Logan, he will be missed
> 
> and Virgil grew up pretty quickly (a week) to acclimate himself to work with the other sides, but if he had a dad, he might have grown up normally with someone to look after him....and of course, Roman and Virgil don't know anything about Instinct or his true origins
> 
> and it seems that Instinct's true last words are forgotten forever
> 
> Patton was like ten and grief was something completely new to him, and all the sides didn't even know how to do their Jobs just yet, but that'll come in time and wisdom
> 
> oh _Patton_....
> 
> please leave some kudos and comments!!!! I will do far less memories now but Virgil's true origins will come up again someday, it's a pretty important hurdle if the boys ever want to get back together (wink wink) and i love all of your comments and reactions so much!!! :D!!
> 
> thank you!!!


	11. The Man of Your Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I said we're all gonna die but I'll never believe it_  
>  _I love this world and I don't wanna leave it_  
>  _Said that death is a deal that you cannot refuse_  
>  _But I love you girl and I don't wanna lose you_  
>  The Man Who Lives Forever by Lord Huron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: blood (not in detail), cursing
> 
> Notes: hey!!! a great fan wrote a [GREAT fanfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14036157) based off the last chapter, please go read it and give it some love!!!! Aaaaahhh thank you so much!!!

It was loud. Virgil tried his best to tune out the cacophony of the library’s inhabitants in the lobby. He’d prefer to do this upstairs but one look from a fragment had them yelling for a doctor. He was holding Patton and he could see some new scars were glowing with an eerie blue light from within. Virgil prefered to see if he could stitch it up himself. He didn’t trust anybody else to handle his family.

Now he was sitting on a chair as he watched a fragment of a doctor, Dr. Presley, work on Patton on a table. It was in the middle of the lobby and he could still hear speculations from the other fragments. Virgil held Roman in his arms as he watched the procedure like a hawk. Nerves bristled up his spine.

“I swear if you hurt him.”

“You’ll kill me,” she said with an eye-roll, “You said that for the sixth time already. I get it, hun. Be more sensible like that lion of yours.”

Virgil’s cheeks burned with heat, “It’s true! And you don’t need to pamper to his ego, just look at him, he’s big enough as it is.”

A familiar rumble echoed from another part of the library. Virgil raised an eyebrow and Dr. Presley just smiled. She reminded him of Patton in a way.

_It...hurts…_

“You’re hurting him,” Virgil hissed as he leaned forward, “I can do it myself. Just hand me the tools and I can do it.”

“Oh come on!” Mason said as he leaned over the couch next to him, “I speak for all of us when I say that you don’t know the meaning of gentle. Lest we forget that time you nearly tore someone to shreds when they tried to feed you?”

“I wasn’t a dog!” Virgil felt his face get redder, “I tried to say sorry but I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t an ordinary dog. I looked like a nightmare then.”

“You sure did,” he snickered, “I bet your other pieces know enough blackmail to last us decades. Shame, they can’t talk, but hey who knows?”

“Like I’m letting Roman tell you guys anything,” Virgil said sullen.

_It’s called socializing, you peasant. What’s a little blackmail between friends?_

“Shush you,” Virgil said, “How are you doing Patton?”

_Can I get a lollipop? Ow! After this?_

“Do we have any lollipops?” Virgil asked, murmurs and the rustle of pockets being emptied, “Anybody?”

Then a hum came from a few bookshelves over. Everyone’s hair stood on end. Virgil’s flight-or-fight instinct was triggered from the ominous sound. It hummed at a low frequency as it came around the corner. It was a sphere of light, like a miniature sun, with rings spinning around it. It looked like it came from space rather than a human soul. Fragments stepped out of its way as the thing approached his couch.

Dr. Presley kept stitching up Patton’s wounds on his back slow and steady. She did not even look up. Her nimble hands steady. The thing’s entire presence pushed at Virgil’s triggers to run, scream, or hide, but he remained frozen waiting for its chance to express itself.

Then a lollipop came out from the light, hovering, and then dropped itself at Virgil’s side. It was raspberry blue. He picked it up, it did not do anything, it was just a lollipop. The thing stopped humming and floated back the way it came.

“Uh, thanks, man!” Virgil called after it, “I don’t know what the fuck you are but thanks! Or where you had that... But I appreciate it.”

Another hum pulsed back distantly. Everyone shook themselves out of their stupor. Patton’s ears perked forward as he saw the lollipop. Exactly what he wanted. Roman’s eyes narrowed in distaste in the direction of the thing.

“I wanna say that was weird,” Virgil said, “But my life is weird, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Angel,” Dr. Presley said, snipping off one thread, “I think that was someone’s version of an angel. I think that’s one of the local cryptids that is ‘Issues’ around here.”

“Huh,” Virgil said, “I don’t see many of them hang around here.”

“Yeah, dude,” Mason said, “Issues are the weirdest looking fragments out there. Everybody hates addressing their own flaws, so they don’t give even give them a face sometimes, so they just look _odd_.”

“Hey, Anxiety,” she said, he looked and saw the blue light had turned to a light yellow under Patton’s skin, “Ask what’s up with your bunny.”

_Patton? Your light changed color just now. You said that the wizard leader guy hit you with a spell or something. What’s up?_

_Oh, don’t worry, kiddo! I think it’s because of my mood. It’s yellow because I’m happy. Yeah!_

“He says it’s because of his mood,” Virgil leaned forward in his seat, “What if that’s really him? That light is our,” Virgil went pink, “Soul or whatever.”

“Doesn’t sound too far fetched to me,” she went back to work, “But if I recall, there was blood everywhere in the previous phase.”

“Oh yeah,” Virgil hunched into his hoodie, “So what’s different now?”

Virgil heard a hiss of pain next to him. He turned to Mason. His eyes widened as he shouted, “What the fuck!” when he saw him with a fresh cut on his dark wrist. Where the hell did he get a switchblade from? Mason stared down at his own light glittering from beneath his flesh. The fragments murmured in shock as Dr. Presley ran a hand down her face in misery. Virgil didn’t know whether to grab his wrist and stem the thin bleeding or let his anxiety take over.

It was a small cut.

Shallow. Nothing more than a cursory glance. It was fine.

Virgil tore his gaze away as he felt his chest grow tight. It was _fine_ . The dude was just an idiot who didn’t like self-care or some shit. Red, _red,_ **_red_ ** _filled his vision._ He took in a breath. Virgil recollected himself and ignored Dr. Presley giving him a band-aid for his cut. He only had eyes for Patton.

“Good as new,” she handed him back to Virgil, he deftly tucked him against his chest next to Roman, “If that wizard pointed his wand just a few centimeters to the left, you would be seeing bone, well I think so. I don’t know anything about these soul shenanigans but whatever! Six years in medical school is a-okay, totally worth it, yeah.”

Patton sniffled his pink little nose against his neck. Virgil reached for the lollipop without rustling Roman out of his lap and tore off the wrapping with his teeth. He held it up to Patton and he licked it up. His chest surged with protectiveness over the two balls of fluff he held. He felt a smile on his face, small and shy, but he didn’t doubt he wore his fondness like a neon sign.

Virgil wasn’t ashamed to admit to himself that he had big ol’ soft spot for Patton. Especially because the dude was the first person to _ever_ show him love and affection in his miserable life. If it wasn’t for Patton and his idea for the video series, Virgil wouldn’t be here. Patton poked out his raspberry stained tongue at him. Virgil laughed and petted him behind the ears. Patton was too good for him sometimes. He didn’t know what he did to deserve such unconditional love from him.

“You look like an emo version of Doctor Dolittle,” Mason said, “It’s adorable.”

“Har har.”

“No seriously!” he put an arm around him, immediately his shoulders drew up and tightened his grip on his only family, “You got quite a reputation for the being the meanest sonvabitch around!”

Virgil hissed.

“Like that!” Mason kicked back his head and laughed, his teeth bright like his eyes, “It makes me wonder why the hell you’re human.”

Virgil blinks.

“I don’t….know?”

The fragments were walking away now. Even Dr. Presley had stood up and taken her supply kit back to the library desk on the other side of the lobby. Patton tilted his head between the two of them, a silent question that he didn’t need telepathy to hear, Virgil reached up and scratched him between his droopy ears. Patton leaned into it.

“You should talk it out,” he said, “With your other pieces, dude, don’t you have a guy that reads books all day? He probably knows a lot about symbolism. With all the time we spend here in the library, most of us figured it on our own,” he ran a hand over his head, “Took some soul searching and lots of shouting at the others for them to hear me, but I did it. It’s the kind of stuff meant to discuss with ‘yourself’. Or the remains of it.”

“Oh, I guess we didn’t think of that,” Virgil said, Patton wasn’t looking at them anymore, “I guess I’ll find Logan and talk somewhere.”

“Try the fifth floor, it has a ballroom for his fat ass.”

Virgil laughed.

* * *

 

_Roman’s face flickered with shadows from across the campfire. He poked at the embers and Patton lost his breath as his eyes caught the firelight. In the imagination, Roman never gave himself acne, he was Thomas’ best self. His royal attire tight over his muscles, highlighting the planes of his body, and Patton didn’t know what to think._

_This was wrong._

_Oh, why did he feel so confused? So strange! Patton felt the night breeze nip at him through his sweater. Thomas was sixteen, hormones were bound to happen, it made everyone in the mindscape a bit twitchy. He didn’t know what to expect when Roman asked him to join him in his realm after tonight’s fall dance._

_The Fall Dance that had stressed Thomas for the past month. Patton and Roman worked together to make his date’s night amazing. She was lovely and her lips tasted like cherry chapstick. Patton sat back against his log and looked up at the night sky. He thought he would feel something. Anything._

_He couldn’t tell over Anxiety’s shouts throughout the date whether he felt something. Maybe he thought of her as a friend? He already knew the answer but he wasn’t sure if it was true. If it was real._

_“Roman,” Patton said, “Do you like princesses?”_

_“Of course!” Roman said and conjured a s’more into existence, “They all swoon over me, you know. Why wouldn’t they? I’m a strong dashing prince!”_

_“You forgot handsome.”_

_“Yes! I’m the most handsome prince you will ever meet, Padre!” Roman said with a wink, “Legends are told about me.”_

_“You’re the only prince I’ve met.”_

_Roman bit into his s’more and moaned, “You should try this! Oh my god. I’m gonna die.”_

_Patton giggled, “Don’t die on me, now. You haven’t even rescued the princess two kingdoms over! You told me she was kidnapped by your greatest arch-nemesis?”_

_“Yeah, real bitch, that one,” Roman said as he licked his lips of chocolate, his tongue pink in the lowlight, “She calls herself the Dragon-Witch, I put her head on a pike, but someone stole it and put her back together. Why can’t she just die, already?”_

_Patton laughed short and forceful, he looked down into the fire and tried not to think of shadows. His laughter died like a clown in an empty room. He fidgeted and he felt the silence between them like a thick blanket._

_“That wasn’t nice of me to say in front of you,” Roman said, “excuse me. I wanted to say we did good tonight.”_

_“Our dance practices really paid off! I’m so proud of you!!”_

_Roman patted the emptiness next to him. Patton crawled around to sit next to him. He felt Roman’s heat all up his left side. Something was new that wasn’t there before. Patton didn’t know what to think of it. Roman’s features were breathtaking. His feelings twisted in his chest, an ugly mess of emotions, more than he felt for the girl tonight._

_Words escaped him._

_Patton adjusted his glasses and coughed and turned away. His thick glasses might fog up at this rate. How embarrassing. He felt the cool grass between his fingers. Then he felt a hand on top of his. His heart rate spiked. Fingers twined around his own._

_“Roman?”_

_He felt a hand cup his chin and turn it and then he tasted forever. His glasses fogged up. Roman’s lips were indescribable, a flavor that could only be forever in a bottle, soft couldn’t even begin to cut it. Patton’s eyes fluttered and leaned in, chasing the taste, and it overwhelmed him. He saw Roman sitting next to him on the porch, days going by like fireflies, and no more quests._

_Roman kicking his feet at the grass and eating ice cream as they watched forever unreel before them. Hand in hand. Their smiles bright as the stars above them. Together like vines around a tree. A love with no beginning and no end. Patton knew Roman was seeing the same thing, too. A wonderful daydream shared in their kiss that foretold their love story._

_Roman pulled away, and Patton could still feel the imprint of Roman’s smile on his own. Patton never knew his eyelashes were so long at this distance. Patton bumped his nose into his cheek and held his hand tight between them._

_“I knew it.”_

_Patton felt his heart stutter at the roughness in his voice, “What?”_

_“We’re gay.” Roman licked his lips, “I wanted to be sure. I was going to ask you, but I believe actions speak louder than words. It was pretty obvious.”_

_“You…” Patton dropped his hand like it was a hot poker. He pulled his knees up and dug his head into them. Roman didn’t like him. He was only checking to see if the Heart liked guys. And he did. Oh boy, he really did. “You just wanted to see if I kissed back?”_

_Roman nodded._

_Patton barked out a laugh. Roman ran a hand, sheepish, like a boy caught drawing on the wall. Roman was that boy once upon a time. Oh god, what was he doing? The warmth that filled him up from head to toe from Roman’s kiss disappeared. It didn’t mean anything to him. Eternity tasted like bitterness._

_“You can’t tell Thomas,” Roman said, “I’m sure the right gal will come around and...this will be fixed! We’re just lonely, Pat.”_

_“We are?”_

_“In fact, to ensure that Thomas never finds out about this,” Roman touched his hand, “I want you to make me forget. I’m the prince, I have my duties, and this interest prevents me from some of them. I want to fall in love with my Cinderella someday. Not her father.”_

_Patton’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach._

_Patton’s steps echoed in the memory archives. The shelves stretched to a dark horizon, it was at the fringes of Morality’s realm, and memory stones shone from their places. The only other side old enough to know this place was Logan. He visited sometimes. Stones were formed by key memories, Thomas usually made them and they just appeared, but sides were more tricky._

_Patton kept walking until he reached the center. The shelves were shorter here, up to his shoulder, and Patton kneeled by a red shelf. Sides rarely had memories separate from Thomas since they worked so hard for him. Patton picked up a small stone, the size of a pebble, at the bottom of the shelf. Again, the taste of forever burst on his lips, but now acidic as he realized it was only a moment._

_He could break it._

**_No._ **

_Patton crawled over to his baby blue shelf and placed the stone at the back of it. Roman wouldn’t remember, not unless he tried, but Patton had a feeling Roman wouldn’t. Patton gave a tight smile as he saw a new stone shimmer into existence on his shelf._

_The only time he broke memories was on the worst day of his life. The day his son died six years ago. He’s thought about shoving his shelf over and let everything break. Shatter. He never could bring himself to do it. Morality had a job, guide Thomas to a better life, and fight down any negativity that stood in the way of that._

_Patton glanced over to Logan’s shelf and he could see some stones were less dusty than others. Logan seemed to dwell too much on certain memories. Patton thought, not for the first time, if he should lock Logan out for good._

_He couldn’t move on, but perhaps, this constant visit was messing with Logan’s functions as a side. Logan was Logic, wasn’t he? He shouldn’t visit this place anymore._

_He didn’t love Instinct as much as Morality did._

_Patton gasped and clutched his head in his hands. No! That was wrong. Logan loved him so much. Even if he acted more professional as the years went on. He even adapted a biting attitude that countered Patton’s emotional outbursts. The Logan that would do **anything** to keep Patton happy was gone now. _

_Logic did his job._

_He stood up and stormed out the memory archives. The tiled floors gave way to carpet and toys. It was Thomas’ dream home. He heard the giggles of children in the next room, Patton waved his hand, and they disappeared. The home was silent. He sat at the counter and let his head slip to rest on the cold marble._

_“Are you alright?”_

_Patton didn’t even hear Logan coming in, “No.”_

_“I can get some takeout, Chinese, as a reward for both of your hard work over the past month.” he heard Logan sitting down next to him on the stool, “I’m sure that I can convince Roman to come to dinner tonight since he enjoys celebrations. A late dinner considering the hour."_

_“Sure.”_

_“How about Anxiety? Yes, he shouted at us quite a lot and,”_

_“No, not him,” Patton fiddled with his cardigan, “Anxiety didn’t help Thomas tonight.”_

_“It’s been six years, are we ever going to talk about him?”_

_“Anxiety?”_

_“Yes,” Logan adjusted his glasses, “It seems that you have trouble letting go of grudges. You still haven’t forgotten about Jimmy stealing Thomas’ milk in third grade. Roman’s entire existence revolves around enemies and as long you think Anxiety as an antagonist, he will never reach out to him as a friend. Your feelings don’t exist in a vacuum, Patton.”_

_“I’m the one shutting Anxiety out? But it’s just me!”_

_“No, you are the heart, what you feel affects the rest of us,” Logan said, “I myself, do not appreciate how much he distorts Thomas’ reality, but I can’t help...thinking on how to cooperate with him.”_

_Patton looked away and hunched into his seat. He wondered if Logan had any feelings from that day lingering inside of him. It wasn’t hard to imagine Anxiety calling Logan dad by their shared pessimistic demeanor. No, Logan disowned all feelings, and he had the added bonus of those feelings lost forever and shattered. So, why did he feel so_ **_scared_ ** _?_

_“Anxiety is a dark side, kiddo,” Patton said with a forced smile, “And I thought you didn’t do feelings, Logan.”_

_“I don’t.”_

_“We’re not talking about this, Thomas is fine,” Patton felt a sob catch in his throat but held it back, “Thomas likes girls and he’s normal.”_

_“Girls? When did I mention girls?” Patton felt Logan’s hand come down hard on the counter, “Is this what’s it about?”_

_“Roman already told me to shut up about it,” Patton said, “He didn’t like the feelings I had after I kissed him. I just wanted to know what kissing was like! Thomas isn’t…”_

_“Are you implying that Anxiety is right after all?”_

_“No!” Patton clenched his fists, “Yes?”_

_Logan rubbed at his forehead, “Patton. I don’t understand you anymore, you are so confusing, but all I know that you need to talk. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought_ **_you_ ** _and Deceit are thick as thieves, instead of Anxiety, but I know Deceit flinches every time you so much breathe in his direction.”_

_“He knows I hate liars,” Patton mumbled._

_“Fine! Don’t talk to me,” Logan said as he stormed off, “I don’t need to sort out your emotional mess! Bottle it up, for all I care, Thomas cannot handle a mental crisis when he’s applying to colleges. Save your tears for after his chemistry degree.”_

_“Logan…”_

_“Don’t you have a pretty prince to smooch?”_

_The door slammed._

* * *

 Virgil sat in a circle with Roman across him on the plastic wooden floor. Logan and Patton were across from each other, a lion looking down a hare, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Logan wouldn’t actually pounce on Patton, would he? This would be the first time they attempted a ‘Sanders Sides’ video on their own without Thomas there to control them or guide them.

_We’re going to talk about why we are the way we are. Alright? Got it?_

_I concur with you, Virgil, I do have some theories._

_Finally! I must have an answer as to why I am such a filthy creature!_

_Sounds great, kiddo._

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck, “This is so weird without Thomas. Anyways, the first stage was Denial.”

_Logan was human because he denies being human!!!_

_Wow, that was quick, Patton…_

_I’ve been bugging him about it since forever._

“Logan, you were human because you deny being human?” Virgil said, “What does Patton mean by that?”

_I heard a similar thing from that wizard before the spell transitioned to the next phase. Roman can confirm what she said. Patton is astute in knowing that I deny human error in my logical conclusions. No matter how hard try, I can never be Data, only the disgusting Spock when I do my job._

Logan settled his big head on top of his claws. His eyes twinkling cold with an edge of sadness. Patton hopped over and put his tiny paws on Logan’s big nose. Roman told him the same thing in Virgil’s head as he watched Roman clean his fur. Huh, maybe this wasn’t so hard as he thought.

“What about you, Roman?”

_There was absolutely no reason for me to be a deer! I’m a tough manly man and not some dewy eyed doe with weak ankles. What am I? Bambi? Please._

Virgil repeated what Roman said out loud. Complete with his rendition of offended noises, which made Logan snort and Patton giggle. Roman stuck out his tongue at Virgil.

_I did some research into deer symbolism when I found out about Roman’s new stature. The consensus, according to Celtic traditions, deer represent unconditional love, care, and gentleness. Though, knowing Roman, it is my theory that--_

_Well, cause you were a-doe-able!_

_All those traits that he covers up cannot be healthy for Roman. It does make sense why he is a deer._

“Patton, you interrupted Logan, now he has to repeat himself.” Virgil tried to hide his smile from his dad pun, “Alright Aslan, hit us with that exposition.”

_It was one of his appalling puns, wasn’t it?_

_Yeah._

_I can’t imagine having hare pollution in my head from his puns. Anyways, back to Roman, he denies his feminine side. He’s been the mouthpiece of patriarchal norms for a long time now, he lives and breathes archetypes, typically of the Strong Male type. Without Thomas, or any of us that matter, to curb his ingrained prejudices, it’s no surprise he equalizes women as weak. It is however incredibly incorrect._

_Yikes._

_I suppose that Roman for the most part, doesn’t think so narrow-minded anymore, but this spell specifically targets us at our_ **_ugliest_ ** _. No matter how buried deep and small it is. He wasn’t a Stag. A protector of the forest known for his independence and pride. Tell him that gentleness and mercy is_ **_not_ ** _weakness._

“He says you need to do less epic fail compilations of the horrible deaths of your enemies,” Virgil said, “And hug them instead.”

_You butchered everything I just said, how dare you. I worked hard on that speech, Virgil, and you know Roman won’t stop making those._

_WHAT? Logan said that?!_

_I’m all for hugging your enemies!!!_

“Patton, you don’t even have enemies.”

_Virgil! Get back on subject and tell Roman what I said. I worked hard on it. I’m the smart one here and did all this research._

Virgil rolled his eyes and repeated what Logan really said to Roman. He saw Roman wilt unto himself as the revelations hit him. Roman fiddled with his tail and looked down at the floor. No doubt his ego was bruised. The damn nerd was on the nose, after all.

“And what about you, Patton?”

_What about me?_

_Another thing that I extensively researched the lore into, griffins, and the symbolism was quite interesting. While Roman denies his weakness, Patton denies his strength. Griffins are notorious for their power by combining both ferocious beasts of the land and air. Typically a lion and a eagle. Griffins are also known for guarding hidden treasures and tombs._

“But he wasn’t a lion nor an eagle?”

_Ah, but I believe that interpretations of a concept is only cosmetic on the surface, there no consensus on what fictional creatures look like all throughout history. Patton was a griffin, the colors and specific build may signify something or they might not, but the fact remains same._

Virgil said Logan’s words to the others. He was getting tired of being a mouthpiece for the others but this spell was nothing but inconvenient. He wondered if the spell will change the rules again when the moon changes in two weeks. Anything was better than the strange set-up they had now.

_Hidden tombs? That sounds like secrets! I’m not hiding anything!!! That sounds like lying and that’s wrong!_

“It sounds like you’re in denial,” Virgil said with a smile, and then laughed at Patton’s face, “Everyone has secrets, Pat, and I trust you by now to know they’re probably for a good reason. Probably it’s something stupid like how you ate the last of Logan’s Crofters last week and didn’t tell him.”

_You did what!!!_

“It was a scenario, Mufasa,” Virgil said, “Do you have like any chill?”

_I find it hard to imagine you as Simba, Virgil, although he was a self-imposed outcast for many years. I-I mean perhaps not as self-imposed as we thought, and I want to say sorry._

“You’re fine, Princey,” Virgil waved his hand, “It’s in the past, shut up, you’re good.”

_What about you, kiddo? I think I have a few ideas why you were a hellhound but I’m not sure. Was it hellhound?_

“Yeah, go ahead, Patton.”

_Hellhounds can be really scary but I heard they are still good dogs! Sure, they drag souls to hell, but they were just doing their jobs!! There’s a lot of stigma around working dogs. You are a good puppy, Virgil!! You deserve all the treats in the world!!_

“That sounds great,” Virgil said, “But uh, what am I denying?”

_That you’re just so sweet, and good, and pure, and happy, and wholesome, and sweet, and lovely, and I’m running out of things to say--_

“I’m not...good.” Virgil said, “I killed a man and tore out his throat. I’m not good at all, I’m dangerous.”

_FALSEHOOD!_

“Ow,” Virgil rubbed his ear, “Did not miss that.”

_I have no idea what Patton told you, but i would like to share my theory. Hellhounds are often harbingers of death and escort lost souls to the afterlife. However, some are considered to be benign and warm-hearted despite their dark exterior. I had some trouble applying this to you, Virgil, but I suspect you deny your protective nature. And the extremity of it. You killed someone to protect me. Thank you._

“Huh,” Virgil said as he blinked with surprise, “that actually makes sense? And it looks you agree with Patton. I am a good dog, after all.” He bit back a smile as he heard Patton’s excited squealing about him speaking good about himself for once. He told the others about Patton and Logan’s theory and even Logan had to concede Patton had a point.

“Which brings me to the next stage of this clusterfuck, Vulnerability, and why did we end up like this?”

The door slammed open from behind them. Virgil flinched and turned to see who it was. It was Elliott and they looked like a pot close to bubbling over and exploding in a torrent of steam and fury. Virgil stood up and rolled up his sleeves as he stomped over to Elliott, nails digging into his palms, and electricity sparking up his spine.

“Where are they?”

“What?” Virgil stood like a brick wall as Elliott tried to push him over, “Who the hell are you talking about?”

“Olinda!”

Virgil dodged a right hook from Elliott and used their momentum to push them to the ground. “Why do you think that I have them? I thought Olinda lived at your place?” Elliott stood up and then too quick for either of them to process, Logan had them pinned under his paw, and a bruise was blooming on Elliott’s cheek. Elliott hadn’t noticed that they got in range of Logan’s long reach.

Virgil crouched down to stare down at Elliott’s stubborn features, “What’s your problem with me, pal?”

“At first, I thought you were Dr. Picani, instead of Thomas and isn’t that funny?” Elliott said, they struggled but gasped as they felt the cold claws dig into their back, “A whole life imagined up for me and none of it is real. I thought we could be friends, like our real selves, but we can’t. You remind me too much of them.”

“Don’t play the pronoun game with me.”

“Joan’s version of Anxiety, well not anxiety, but their negative thinking. Their doubts, fears, and insecurities into one terrifying amalgamate. Here, look.” Elliott pulled up their beige sleeve, and Virgil stumbled back and fought back the urge to vomit, “What the fuck?”

“Just...just tell me where Olinda went, Virgil,” Elliott grabbed his foot and he fell back with a thud, “Please, tell me, where are they? I hear that _thing_ , all the time, no matter how far apart we are. It doesn’t like Olinda, I hear it, they shout over the other pieces. I can’t think, I can’t function, and I want to go home. Back into Joan’s imagination.”

“Where is Olinda? I want to say I’m sorry, I didn’t mean half of the things I said, they won’t leave me, right? Olinda won’t leave me. Right? Please.”

Virgil kicked off their grip on his shoe and stood up. He turned his back to them and picked up Roman and Patton, frozen in shock, and tucked him into his hoodie. He didn’t like them being out if Elliott was off his rocker. But that thing on his arm...it had too many mouths and limbs to even be called an animal. It was the color of spoiled milk and the tongues green as the vomit he was holding back every time he glanced at it.

_Pick Elliott up, Logan._

Elliott went limp as Logan picked them up in his mouth. Virgil approached them slow as if they were a cornered animal, his hands up, and Elliott watched them with wide eyes. Pupils shrunken down to pinpoints. Their breathing picked up, sporadic, and their shoulders tense as if ready to be hit. Virgil recognized those signs, he used to wear them like an old black hoodie, and his wired instincts let up a notch.

“Does it have a name?”

“N-no,” Elliott paused and then their face darkened, “But I gave it one: Mitchell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You thought I wasn't gonna mention other characters from Cartoon Therapy? Please! 
> 
> Little trivia, I did foreshadow this a while ago!! Kudos to anyone who saw my hidden foreshadowing in chapter 2. *cough* And you thought I forgot about Olinda...Also another bit of trivia, why do you think Patton thinks so fondly of campfire songs, huh? :D!
> 
> Next chapter is the last of Virgil's arc. So that's going to be really fun!!!! Also, I hope no one missed my Mufasa one-liner. Mwahahaha, evil parallels esp after the last chapter, yeah I'm terrible. I'm so happy about everyone's comments!! There is so many and aahhhh and I don't have enough time to answer them all!! Y'all make me blush omg. 
> 
> Please leave some kudos and comments!!! 
> 
> Also I just started a [tumblr version, so you can reblog it](https://wisepuma23-writes.tumblr.com/post/172475553111/we-were-never-welcome-here-chapter-one) and I'll see y'all next update!!!


	12. tell me you love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You looked so good in green_  
>  _I hope you’re well_  
>  _And you look so good with him_  
>  _And I’m proud of you still”_  
>  Green by Cavetown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Deceit cameos in italitized flashbacks (go to end notes for more detail)
> 
> Notes: I just want to say _THANK YOU_ to everyone who made this update possible!!! Your comments and well wishes and encouragements really helped!! I also want to thank the amazing [SocialBookWorm ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialBookWorm/pseuds/SocialBookWorm) for her endless fountain of encouragement!!! (We're also writing a GREAT [Angels/Demons LAMP](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14496435/chapters/33488469) fic together). And how can I forget the bloody fantastic [SolemnVow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolemnVow/pseuds/SolemnVow) (pssst! She co-writes _[Golden Slumbers.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13306347/chapters/30454122)_ wow!!). Shout out to the two of them making through the hot mess of my first drafts of this chapter!! 
> 
> Thank you _all_ for sticking out to this long-awaited update!

Virgil told Logan to drop them. Elliott crashed down to the floor. Virgil bit his thumb in thought. Mitchell? He wasn’t expecting that. Virgil felt Roman and Patton twitch against him. And Olinda’s disappearance? Odd.

“We’re going downstairs and I’m letting you talk to someone here.” Virgil said as he walked out, “I’ve spent enough time here to know some of the fragments here. Mason is someone that’s been here for a long while.” Elliott followed him in the stairwell, “I think he’s a bit of a recluse. Learned some of their names and faces here so if someone tries shit, I know who it was.”

“You do that?” Elliott said.

“What?” Virgil said defensive, “I like to know who to pummel if the time comes. If they have a name, I won’t forget it. Thomas is just really bad at faces because Logan keeps losing the notes.”

“Huh,” Elliott said, “So why are you so cozy with the fragments here? You’re Anxiety, you hate social outings.”

“I do.” Virgil said, he hunched further into his hoodie as they walked through the first-floor lobby, it was loud with fragments everywhere, “You think I just slept during my time as a wolf? Nah, I patrolled the shit out of this place. It drove Logan nuts. Once we found some word blocks, Logan had the idea to share it with the others. And then that’s when we learned the names of the other residents here. Human or not.”

“Smart.” Elliott said, “I should tell the others about that. It might be easier to get more fragments to help us, even if they don’t talk.”

Virgil found Mason curled up in an alcove reading. He sat Elliott down across from him. Mason was his usual sunny and witty self as he talked Elliott through their description of Olinda. Elliott laughed at something that Mason said. Virgil walked away from them. Mason was a good fragment, he said he was Kindness, and Virgil believed him. Roman and Patton squirmed in his hoodie. They wanted to help on this side quest.

Virgil knew he made Elliott uneasy, it was better that they stayed out of each other’s way. Virgil wasn’t sure what was Elliott’s deal with him and frankly, he didn’t care. He walked back to Logan sitting by the stairway doors. Virgil leaned against him and felt Logan’s large breaths slow and steady.

_We could’ve helped them find Olinda! It would be a fun little side quest on our adventure! Save a friend in distress! How exciting._

“I don’t care about Elliott’s dramas,” Virgil said, “They don’t like me. I don’t like them. I led them to Mason, he’s sweet, and he knows this place like the back of his hand. Better than me at least.”

_What about Joan? Don’t friends help each other?_

“Elliott can handle themselves. They’re an adult,” Virgil tangles his hand in Logan’s coarse lion fur, “I do the things I do because I want us _safe._ ” he growled, “And looking for a dark and dangerous side of Joan is the opposite of that. Forget about Mitchell.”

Logan let out a large breath, _I agree with you. Elliott has repeatedly antagonized you when they know that agreeing to risky excursions is an effort on your part. Joan is a complex and multifaceted individual while Elliott is a 2D concept brought to life. Much like us._

“What even is he, anyway?” Virgil said, then at the confusion from the other two, he added, “What is Elliott to Joan?”

_Don't you see it?_

Virgil shook his head at Roman. He crawled out just to twitch his whiskers in disapproval at him. Virgil rolled his eyes. Always with the dramatics.

_Elliott is another version of creativity, not me, but Content. I’ve seen some variations in our own mindscape. Ideas that walk and talk like you and me. Elliott’s awareness of their own character is strange. Not unless they took on the form of whatever Joan’s ideas were at the moment._

Virgil looked over his shoulder to see Elliott being led away by Mason. No doubt they were going to find Olinda within the hour. Even if this Mitchell character was dangerous, it was still two against one, and not his problem. In any normal situation, he would feel panic in his chest at the idea of Joan walking into danger. Then again, it wasn’t Joan. And he wasn’t Thomas.

Patton peeked over his shoulder as they walked away. Virgil put a hand over his soft bunny shoulders and rubbed it. Patton whined upset as they literally turned their back on them. Virgil’s priorities were Thomas and his sides first. It was his job.

The stairway doors closed behind them.

* * *

_“You can’t be serious!” Deceit said from the doorway, “I worry that you won’t be well on your own.”_

_Anxiety pushed his clothes into his suitcase, “I’ll be fine. I know that you don’t mind staying here, but…” Anxiety paused, his bangs covering his face, “this place is killing me.”_

_Deceit stopped fiddling with the cuffs of his gloves. He looked at the empty hallway of the subconscious mind and, slithered into Anxiety’s room. The room began to thrum with distant drums and whispered words. Anxiety hunched further into his black hoodie._

_“You don’t want to go up there,” Deceit pleaded, “Do you know how much work I put into that mess Thomas calls a headspace? It’s my greatest work. Anxiety, don’t go.”_

_“Why? Afraid a little truth will bring it all down?” Anxiety said, “Is that really why you don’t want me to leave? Cause I’ll ruin everything like I always do?”_

_“Fine, give the big man his first mental breakdown at twenty-three, why don’t you?” Deceit snarled, “Don’t come crawling back to us when you learn what they are. How their walls ooze with rot.”_

_“It’s better than here.”_

* * *

 

The next week went by quickly and before either of them knew it, the phase’s end was quickly approaching. They would be human again, if only for an hour, according to the accumulated wizards that have started to arrive in the library. Virgil wished that the wizards stuck to Elliot’s headquarters with the sniveling ones, but alas, they were _curious_ about fragments. Logan was quick to recognize Priya among the new crowd. The wizard that he had met during the previous transformation. She had told them some interesting news.

“We need your help,” Priya said, her dark eyes hard as steel as she stared at Virgil and glanced at the others, “There isn’t many complete set of soul fragments. We would appreciate your help if you join us in the battle to come. In two week’s time.”

“But I won’t be...me,” Virgil said, he squeezed Roman and Patton tighter against his chest, “It’s Ro--Creativity or Morality next. You’re crazy if you think I’m allowing it.”

“Today is the next transition, isn’t it?” Priya walked around the table to get closer, “I can already tell it will be the rat that turns human next. The turn of the moon is so close that I can already sense it,” she reached out a hand to pet Roman, Virgil stepped back, “Is he a warrior?”

“He’s a prince,” Virgil said, “Besides it’s none of your business. Last time we met, your friend bewitched me. So back off.”

_Well, you have a point. The spell was quite unpleasant._

Virgil glanced at Logan and then turned back to her with a glare, “We’re not--”

_I THINK IT’S A GREAT IDEA!!! I SHALL BE THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR! Yes, tell her YES!! I’ll do it._

“Shut up!” Virgil hissed down at the rat, “Priyanka?”

“It’s Priya.”

“Priya, right,” Virgil said as he walked backward from her curious gaze, “I’ll be uh, over there, so thank you goodbye!” He ran away from the conversation. Virgil was not going to deal with this bullshit. His mind was quickly being taken over by overlapping voices, oh god, he didn’t know how they could argue when they couldn’t even hear each other but they _did._ Virgil hissed as a migraine grew between his eyes. Through the noise, he could see an open study room, yes perfect! Virgil ran inside and crumpled to his knees, and dropped Roman and Patton to the floor as he curled into a ball. Their voices, his inner demons’ voices, his own inner voice, it all mingled into an overwhelming clamour.

Then for a moment, his head and the library was silent. Virgil heard the faint whisper of sand in the wind. Blissful silence. It was just him in his head. Alas, it couldn’t last.

He felt a hand gently touch his back and rub it in circles. Virgil blinked back tears and looked up. Patton gave him a soft smile, “You’re alright, Virgil.” He gave a surprised sound when Virgil pulled him into a tight hug. Patton didn’t hesitate in hugging back.

“We have to go fight the good fight! This is our chance to save ourselves!” Roman shouted as he stood up, “This is what we need to do!”

“You can’t be serious!” Logan said as he stormed into the study room, and locked the door behind him, “We must work to preserve Thomas’ survival and that means not throwing ourselves into some battle.”

“Thomas isn’t here and that’s the problem!” Roman said, “We must seize our moment and stop that fiend, Zoro. We can’t just sit around and wait for someone to do it!”

“This isn’t some outlined story with plot twists to anticipate,” Logan pinched his nose, “There are far too many variables to account for. Not to mention that the _one_ confirmed day that we know where and when Zorobabel is, its on the day the spell changes to the next phase. That isn’t happenstance. It’s a trap.”

* * *

  _Deceit walked down the well-lit hallway to Logan's room. The scholar was often found there. Working on some projects or some other thing that had caught his fancy. Deceit opened his door a crack and peered inside. Logan wasn't inside. Odd. Deceit walked back out and made his way to the Memory Archives. He had to be there._

_Deceit's steps were silent in the giant Memory Archives. Patton had given him a skeleton key to the place a long time ago. They had an understood thing. Deceit made his way to where Logan commonly rested in the giant halls of Memories. Logan laid slumped against a shelf with a book in his lap. It was Patton's old scrapbook of Thomas on his fifth-grade school trip with notes from the other sides. Patton decorated it, Roman left the drawings of his favorite plants, while Logan wrote a small logbook of their adventure. It also contained Anxiety's first contribution to the mindscape: claw marks on the back cover._

_Deceit squatted down to stare at Logan's sleeping form, "Logan, I'm pleased to see you here."_

_Logan startled into wakefulness, his eyes wild from an old recurring nightmare, and had to take a few moments to recognize his surroundings. Logan took in some sharp breaths as he collected himself. Deceit twiddled his fingers in a greeting. Logan glared up at him, oh dear, his eyebags looked dreadful. Horrid._

_"What are you doing here, snake?" Logan said, "Here to tell me more lies? I don't know how many times I need to repeat myself, but I don't tolerate your falsehoods."_

_Deceit smirked, "Why you wound me, little scholar."_

_"My name is Logan. If not that, you shall refer to me as Logic."_

_"Of course," Deceit waved his hand dismissively, "Scholar, why do you sit here? Your heart is quite worried. He cares about you, you know?"_

_"Shut up." Logan snarled. He slammed the scrapbook shut and tucked it back into the shelf behind him. Logan crossed his arms as he stared at Deceit, "You rarely show such concern. Or is it genuine? Has Patton sent you?"_

_"Yes," Deceit scoffed, "Heart is the one to give me orders as if I have no autonomous free will. I don't loathe every breath he takes. Or that I want to squash Heart beneath my boots, like a meddlesome obstacle like him deserves."_

_Logan bristled, "Don't talk about him like that. Patton is a better man than you'd ever be. So am I," Logan stood up and loomed over Deceit, "And I would never lie. Ever."_

_"Falsehood," Deceit smiled like the cat got the canary. Logan's eyes widened as he felt his hand silence him. Deceit stood up and crowded Logan against the wall. Logan's eyes burnt bright with the fiery glow of hatred. Deceit dropped all pretenses and went in for the kill, "You're just like me. Admit it, Logan, the truth will set you free."_

_Logan's cried out through his palm. Deceit leaned in. His breath warm against Logan's face. Deceit's snake eye narrowed into a slit as it regarded its prey. Logan's other palm came up against his own will. His hands shook with the effort to pull them off his mouth but to no avail._

_"I thought you were a wee more careful with your language, Logan," Deceit purred, "Absolutes like always, never, must, should, are all great examples of, what is it that you said? Oh, right, 'cognitive distortions,' in other words, you lie to yourself," Logan's eyes pricked with tears even as he glowered, "It implies that the world is only in black and white. You would never," Deceit smirked, "Ever lie, isn't that right?"_

_Logan shook his head. Deceit tsked, "Still lying to yourself? What a shame. You don't even remember how I got this scar. Do you want to know how I got this scar? It's quite the horror story."_

_“It was--”_

_Then there was a distant yell of, “Logan! Dinner time!!”_

_Deceit turned his head, “Ah, I believe your heart, Patton, is calling out to you,” he smirked down at Logan one last time, “I pity you, little scholar, you’re a fool. What will you do when your heart leads you astray? There is no rhyme or reason in emotions. No room for them at all. Heart doesn’t need you.”_

_Deceit turned on his heel and walked away. He felt Logan’s hard glare on his back as he disappeared back into the shadows. Logan’s hands fell apart from his mouth and gulped in breaths like he was drowning. Logan felt hot shame crawl up his neck as he remembered Deceit’s words. It was all lies. It had to be._

_Logan rubbed his arms. He felt so small and alone in the sepulchral halls of Memory. The ribbed ceiling wailed with echoes of times long past. The ashy columns stood like great spectators in a white dress, pleated with deep fillets, and loomed over everything. The borderline edged the grand place on all sides. That razor-sharp line between the present and the past._

_“Patton needs me,” Logan said, his voice quiet, “...I hope so.”_

_The unforgiving silence answered._

* * *

 Roman threw up his hands in frustration for the thirtieth time. Patton watched them argue as he helped Virgil up and sat into a chair next to him. Virgil leaned against his shoulder. The study room was Virgil’s greatest idea yet. It reminded him a little bit of home. God, he wished he was back home. The real world sucked ass. Oh right, Roman’s arguing grew louder now.

“We don’t know what you three will turn into next! For all we know, you could turn into an ant and get crushed.” Roman said, “A super small ant with glasses. You can’t stop me when it’s my turn to take the helm.”

“Out of any of us, Virgil should be the leader!” Logan said as he slammed his hands down on the study table, “I don’t understand your asinine need to charge into danger and risk health and limb for glory and fame. Virgil is the common sense we need.”

“This is a democracy, Rateoutile,” Virgil said, “Not a monarchy. We all have to decide on what to do. It doesn’t just affect you, Princey. Thomas’ life as a _human being_ is at stake here. Besides, I’m not a leader.”

Logan blew out a frustrated noise, “I thought we established that you matter to us. I lobbied for your continued input in the past. Even Patton has come around in agreement.”

“This is no time for fear!” Roman said and then backpedaled, “Not that your input doesn’t matter, Virgil. But we need to take risks. From what I’ve read about magic in Harry Potter, nothing comes good from dark magic. This spell needs to end ASAP.”

“Hey hey! We know, but both of you need to calm down.” Patton said, he stood up and held up his hands, “Come on now. We shouldn’t fight.”

“Then what do _you_ propose, Cake Pop?”

“Those wizards seem like they have it under control. We can help them but there’s no need for us to be on the frontlines! Or interact with them at all.”

“Patton, are you fine?” Virgil asked.

“What do you mean?” Patton said as he fiddled with his hoodie, especially the puppy pocket, “They do want to help. That’s good of them. I’ll do anything to help Thomas! I just don’t want you all to get hurt again. Their spells are no bee sting.”

Logan looked Patton up and down and said in a more gentle voice, “Excuse us, we never asked you, but are you fine to be in the same room as them?”

“Do you recognize any of them?” Roman said, “You were trapped in that wretched place with some of them, weren’t you? You wouldn’t even tell us what happened to you.”

Virgil stood up and turned to hug Patton, “I get it now. You were scared to go on the mission last time because there was a chance you might’ve seen them again.” He looked Patton in the eye as he said, “Just tell me and I’ll rip their lungs out.”

Patton let out a surprised squeak, “No! No no, Virgil, I’m okay.”

Virgil pulled away, “You didn’t answer me. Do you know anyone?”

“Yes,” Patton said, “But violence is never the answer. It _never_ is.”

“Then what is it, Padre?” Roman said bemusedly.

“Love.”

Logan gagged, “Ech. Feelings. This is why _you're_ not the leader, emotions cloud reason, and we can’t just throw love in the face of daunting danger. We need a solid plan. Virgil, what do you propose that we do?”

Patton’s face covered up its hurt expression with a smile. Virgil hunched under their collective attention. Why did Logan keep _insisting_ that he should lead?

“We shouldn’t involve ourselves more than necessary.” Virgil said finally, “We’re not exactly made for war. We stay in the background and let the wizards fight it out. I think we should help break the spell. Nothing more.”

“What? No!” Roman said, “I think I should have more say in this. I’m human next time!”

“You want to be some stupid martyr for a cause we only knew existed a _month_ ago?” Virgil hissed, “How do you know we aren’t going turn into something useless like a deer?”

Roman recoiled, “You always do this! Hide in the shadows like some kind of Vashta Neoutric. This is our chance to make a difference and you want to let it go because you’re _scared_?”

“I have to agree with Virgil,” Logan cut in, “I’ve observed the other fragments, and this by no means a true survey, but it seems finding all of us was an infinitesimal event. We are incredibly lucky to be able to all stand in a room like this.” Logan adjusted his glasses, “The best course of action is to take steps towards preserving this happenstance and _then_ anything that allows Thomas’ continued existence.”

“Anything that allows Thomas’ continued existence, you mean like a _gun_?” Virgil said unimpressed.

“That was a precautionary measure.” Logan said, “And you didn’t have any claws last time around. How did that feel? Do you understand why I felt like I needed some protection?”

Virgil remembered the past two weeks as a human. His anxiety and paranoia through the roof. Every night haunted by nightmares and then hardly sleeping a wink afterwards. However, he had the luxury to nudge someone awake to hear their thoughts. A poor imitation of the real thing, but it was reassurance enough.

He wondered if Logan ever doubted that he wasn’t going insane when he talked to the others. Virgil also wasn’t sure how Logan kept a straight face while talking to a griffin. Virgil thought perhaps Logan had more faith than he liked to believe. Virgil ran a hand through his bangs as he looked at Logan’s searching face.

“I get it.” Virgil said at last, “I really do. Even if it was still stupid as hell. I felt really vulnerable like... _this_.”

“I suppose that’s fair.” Logan quirked a smile.

Virgil looked away as he felt his cheeks grow warm, “Like, whatever. Pssh.”

Logan pulled out a chair for himself and took a seat. Roman glanced at all of them already sitting down and sullenly sat in one himself. Logan twined his fingers together as he leaned forward, “We have half an hour left as we are. I plan on using my time wisely while I have opposable thumbs. I would like to research more about why we were chosen to transform as we did.”

“We totally forgot about that, didn’t we?” Roman tapped the table to the tune of some Disney medley, “Especially since we got interrupted last time.”

“Why do we need to, anyway?” Virgil asked as he blew a bang out of his face.

“Maybe it’ll help us become Thomas again!” Roman said, “Besides, self-reflection has been nothing but our schtick since Vine died. Twas a tragic day. I’ll never forget you!!”

“I don’t know if it’s worth knowing,” Patton said nervously, he fiddled with his sleeves as he stared at Logan, “It seems like it might do more bad than good in the long run.”

“I could say the same thing, Patton,” Logan said coolly, “About several things about _you._ ”

“Me?”

The air temperature in the room dropped several degrees. Roman and Virgil glanced between them. Logan’s stare was piercing and dark. Patton stopped fiddling with his sleeves and set his hands down on the table carefully. It was a sudden staring contest to the death. Virgil felt his anxiety rise up again in the pit of his stomach. His nerves skittish like the calm before the storm. He was close enough to see Patton’s muscles were tense with coiled strength as if the two of them were about to throw down.

“Yes, your love for cats despite your allergies for one,” Logan said and, then Patton giggled, “Aww, but they’re _purr_ fect company!”

“Oooookay,” Roman stood up with his hands up, “I don’t know what happened just now but I’ma go.”

Roman walked outside the study room. Logan glared after him and then stood up as well. He followed Roman to the rest of the library. Virgil looked at Patton who stared at Logan as he left. There was a sad and forlorn look on his face, and then it was gone. Virgil put a hand on Patton's back and rubbed it. Patton startled and then smiled at him, "Thanks, kiddo. I'm fine."

Roman walked around and was glad to know that he wasn't the only one that decided to use his legs. There were other fragments, humans, just walking around and enjoying this small respite. Roman made his way to the fantasy section and thumbed the spines of fairy tales. Their covers glossy and letters shiny. He missed indulging in such frivolities and, the joy of creating new worlds.

Roman wondered if Logan was doing fine. He didn't want to leave them on such a sour note. It's been a whole month since they talked face to face without any obstructions. Roman found that he was already making his way to the Adult Non-Fiction aisle on the other side of the floor.

Roman found Logan already at a desk with several books open. Roman has never seen him so focused on cramming information in a short amount of time since they went to college. God, college, they were thick as thieves then. Roman stood there taking in Logan, his features warm by the lamplight, he was glad that the library had power again. He looked stunning.

"Hey," Roman said, "What's up nerd? Did you find anything yet?"

"Roman!" Logan startled and, then glared, "You scared me. I don't need you to be sneaking up on me. And yes, I had several theories, but I wanted to brush up on what I read. I needed to verify what I remembered," Logan said, and then paused as he regarded Roman with a familiar curiosity, "The trouble is that a lot of this research is intuitive in which apply and which do not work in our particular case."

"Logic, are you asking me for help?" Roman said with a smug grin.

Logan gestured to the empty seat across from him and shoved some books over to his side. Roman sat down and excitedly opened some. His eyes darted over the words, and his fingers ached to conjure a highlighter. God, this was so college. They had spent many days pouring over books and information for Thomas. Roman and Logan were nigh inseparable.

"Hey, I think I just found out why you were a lion," Roman smirked, "Cause you're a prideful jackass," he tapped the book, "Lions often symbolize pride. And you say you aren't a Gryffindor."

"I am not!"

"Although, now that I think about it," Roman said, "There's a quote about pride from Avatar the Last Airbender. You know that show with the kid stuck in an iceberg--"

"We watch the same shows, Roman."

"Right!" Roman cut in, "It's on the tip of my tongue. Source of, no, antidote, hold on," he concentrated, then it struck him, "Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source!"

"And true humility is the only antidote to shame," Logan finished quietly. Roman blinked at him in surprise. He hadn't expected him to know the full quote. Roman cleared his throat, "Yeah, that's right. Right on, Uncle Iroh."

A few minutes passed in silence, only disturbed by the ruffles of pages. Roman ran over the same passage about rats before he gave up. Roman closed the book as he looked up at Logan. His eyes looked like drops of amber that had caught the sunlight from a time long forgotten. Roman’s eyes followed the line of Logan’s jaw and remembered that he had once drawn that jaw in his sketchbooks. If he closed his eyes, Roman could draw Logan’s tense knuckles from memory. Roman could be the world’s best artist in the imagination but, in the real world, he wasn’t sure if his skills came with him.

“What is it?” Logan said, and snapped Roman out of his reverie, “You were staring for a prolonged amount of time. Do I have something on my face?”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Roman said, and then took a breath to blurt out the words that sat in the breast of his chest, “Why didn’t we work out?”

Logan sighed and closed his book, “Roman, you wanted to pursue theater. I advised, on the contrary, chemical engineering has a higher paycheck, and _we_ put a lot of effort into it. Even today, I can’t understand why, _why_ in the world did you give it up?”

* * *

  _Patton fiddled with the clasp on his belt. He took in a breath and tried to suck in his stomach as much as he could. Come on, come on, almost there. Patton tugged on his belt, he really didn't want to punch another hole in his belt for the second time in a month. God, Logan would never let him hear the end of it. Patton scrunched up his nose and felt his lungs burn, almost there. Then he finally heard the click of his belt._

_"Okay, no more second cookies," Patton sighed as he pinched his stomach, "That's it for this month. I really need to watch it."_

_Patton made a pitiful sound as he felt the softness around his stomach. Logan would say something about how their lifestyle contributed to his stomach pudge combined with the fact there were organs beneath his flesh. Patton's eyes moved to his hands, they were squishy as well, and he got a flash of Thomas' father's hands. They were squishy too. It was hard sometimes to confront that he was becoming more of his father's image every day. Even if Thomas knew it or not._

_There was a knock at the door. Patton yelped and ran a hand through his hair. He picked up his glasses from his nightstand, "Coming!" Patton went to the door and opened it with a smile, "What do you need--Oh, it's you."_

_Deceit took off his hat and held it to his chest, "It's not me."_

_Patton sighed but he didn't let Deceit any further into his room. He leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed, "What do you want?"_

_"I didn't come here for your self-interest," Deceit said, his hair was a shock of curls, "I didn't hear that you're lonely. That you're feeling neglected and unloved. Another thing that I didn't overhear is how much Logan is happier than he's ever been with Roman."_

_"He said that?" Patton's voice croaked, then he shook his head, "I don't believe you."_

_"Oh please!" Deceit crowed, "Thomas is perfectly happy in this profession. The others totally see that he's fulfilled by his chemical engineering career path."_

_"How do you know that?" Patton said, "No. No, I'm not falling for your tricks. I'm fine. Please leave."_

_Deceit slammed his hand against the closing door, "It's killing you, Patton."_

_Patton tried to close the door but Deceit shoved a shoe inside and forced himself through. Deceit shut the door behind him. Patton picked up a soccer trophy and held it up like a knife towards the deceitful side. Deceit rolled his eyes and set down his hat on the nearby nightstand. It was early enough that the other two sides haven't woken up yet. Logan usually woke up in half an hour._

_"I absolutely loathe that I’m telling you this, but you need to stop lying to yourself," Deceit said, "Anxiety is making his trek upwards, you know? Thomas' anxiety levels are rising, and I fear it's irreversible, he doesn't listen to me anymore."_

_"Anxiety?" Patton said, then he dropped the trophy as he sat down heavily on his bed, "Oh no no no. I don't have a room for him. And I'm not giving him, that room, not now and not ever."_

_Deceit winced, "Again with the lies."_

_Patton glowered at him, "Please be quiet."_

_"I don't fully understand everything that happened before the First Day," Deceit sat next down next to Patton, "But all I know, and the other Dark sides, is that a side died. We aren't dumb you know. There's an empty room, Logan spends some of his free time in the memory archives, and you shut down so much I mention the other dark sides."_

_"I said be quiet."_

_"Like that," Deceit said, then he stroked a thoughtful thumb down his scales, "I'm not here to critique your dysfunctional family (it's not we're any better), but I only care about Thomas' happiness. I don't care what you do, but make it happen."_

_"No threats?"_

_Deceit smirked, "Surprised? It seems like a waste of breath on you. You will make your own happiness one way or the other, I'm the nudge you need to speed you along. I don't need to get my gloves dirty."_

_Patton hunched further into himself, "But Thomas is really_ **_passionate_ ** _about it. He got an offer for an internship at a lab."_

_Deceit stood up and picked up his hat, "Is he? Really?"_

_Deceit closed the door on Patton's contemplative face. His work was done. Patton stared down at his fatherly hands and clenched them. He squeezed until he left white crescent moons on his palms. The pain a faint sting. Patton pushed up the glasses on his nose and stood up to leave. The worn white bedroom door closed behind him. The house awoke to the smell of pancakes._

* * *

 “I wanted to make Thomas happy,” Roman said, “Patton said his heart wasn’t in it anymore. What we were doing, it was making him unhappy, and he told me that. Listen, Logan; I couldn’t just--” Roman’s face contorted with several expressions, and then settled into an exhausted sigh, “He’s the softest puffball we got. I couldn’t just let him be sad, for goodness’ sake! Thomas’ happiness and heart cried out! I heeded his call.”

“Patton?” Logan said, and then rolled his eyes, “Of course, it was Patton. Heart feeds all passion. Why didn’t I see it sooner?”

“Logan?”

“Don’t--” Logan took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose, and then put them back on, “Roman, I believe this spell is making a point about how interconnected all four of us are. If things continue as they are, I believe in the later phases; we might regain our mental and emotional connections like in the mindscape. In the meantime, I find the lack of these connections...gives me clarity.”

“In other words, Patton’s influence, Virgil’s influence, and your influence are gone. If Virgil goes through a panic attack right now, we wouldn’t even know, and isn’t that terrifying? However, hear me out, the spell gave me the clarity to regard his advice without the ‘bells and whistles’ of his anxiety.”

Roman squinted at him, “I feel like you’re leading to something. Spit it out, Pocket Protector.”

“Consider, I think that,” Logan took a surreptitious look around, and then froze as he saw Patton and Virgil walking up to them, “Never mind then. The hour must be almost up. Thank you for helping me. Your notes were quite helpful.”

“Of course!” Roman said, “A prince always helps those in need!!”

Patton and Virgil came up to their table. Patton smiled at Roman’s over the top reply. Logan groaned, but there was a hidden smile in his eyes as he looked at Roman. Virgil wanted to crawl under the table and wait for the spell to be over. He could wait a whole month from there. Roman and Logan stood up from their seats. Roman cracked his back as he stretched upwards, revealing a stripe of skin, and then it was gone. Virgil felt his ears heat. Whatever, the library was hot.

“Oh geez, look at the time!” Patton said, “We’re going to change in a few minutes. An hour went by fast.”

Virgil looked at them all. He didn’t know what he was going to turn into next, but he was terrified. He hated this. The uncertainty and the anticipation in the air. Logan closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Roman stood up straight, haha straight, and held a strong face. Then Virgil felt a tug on his arm, and he found himself in Patton’s arms. He couldn’t see Patton’s face, but he knew it was something close to fear.

“Group hug everyone!” Patton said with a forced cheeriness, “Let’s hug it out!”

Roman walked over and squeezed them with his arms. He was by no means as ripped as he is in the mindscape, but Virgil could feel the ghost of his strength anyway. Logan was stiff and awkward as he joined their hug.

The change was over in minutes. Roman felt the others in his arms fade away, and he closed his eyes against the bright purple light, and then it was over. Roman blinked the spots out of his eyes. Then he saw the others.

_Stop staring, or I’ll peck your eyes out!_

_Virgil! That wasn’t nice of you._

Roman gaped at the ink black crow in front of him. Virgil looked at him and let out a piercing cry. Roman stumbled back. Virgil hopped on the floor, he hadn’t figured out flying just yet and stared up at Roman with a beady eye. Virgil fluttered his wings, and he felt a stab of jealousy. It wasn’t fair! How did Virgil get to be a crow while he got all the lame animals? He wanted to fly too. He missed flying in the mindscape. Everyone else always had to get cool animals.

Roman looked away and swallowed back his envy.

Then he felt excited licking at his hand, all slobbery and gross. Roman looked down to see a mangy coyote more interested in pets than bites. He kneeled down and hugged Patton. He laughed as Patton licked at his cheeks. Patton was always more dog than man at times.

“Where’s Logan?” Roman said as he sat up, “I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him.”

_Luckily, I have neither of those._

Roman yelped as he saw a giant black snake slither forward from the table above. His throat's scales had a blue coloring running up it. Logan hissed and his eyes sharp as knives, and Roman felt a prickle up his neck. Logan slithered closer, and Roman realized his scales weren’t completely black, but rather a shimmer of iridescence similar to a CD under a light. Logan looked like a villain out of the Jungle Book. His movements so smooth and his scales hypnotizing. Roman shook his head. No, he wasn’t going to let fear control him, even if it looked like he was about to get his head bit off at any moment.

“Let’s get started, shall we?” Roman smirked.

* * *

  _“Mirror mirror on the wall,” Roman chanted, “Who is the fairest of them all?”_

_“Why that’s me of course.” Deceit purred as he appeared in the reflection. Roman stumbled back and tripped over the open textbooks on the floor. Deceit raised an eyebrow at Roman’s old shirts and ratty sweatpants. Where was the prince now? Not here. Roman still had a yellow highlighter tucked in his ear and, ink marks on his palms._

_“What are you doing in my mirror?” Roman said, suddenly a sword whistled through the air. Deceit smirked through the mirror. There was no use in stabbing an inanimate object like a mirror. And Roman knew it._

_“My my, don’t be careful where you stick that thing,” Deceit said, “You might not hurt itself with it.”_

_“Quiet, you fiend! Your duplicity won’t work here!”_

_“Of course it won’t.” Deceit tilted his hat to him, “I could never pull the wool over your eyes, your Majesty. You are always more clever than I am.”_

_Roman lowered his sword, “You haven’t answered my question.”_

_”I’m not here for a routine check-up,” Deceit said, then he stepped through the mirror and, raised his fingers to Roman’s forehead, “Open your eyes, young Prince.”_

_Roman’s eyes fluttered shut against his own will. His sword clanked to the ground. Roman felt vertigo for a moment like he was hanging upside down with his mouth taped shut. He swayed back and forth as he felt blood rush to his head. His limbs askew like he was a puppet with his strings cut._

_Then it was gone._

_Roman opened his eyes to an empty room. His mirror had fogged with condensation. How did that happen? And when did he bring his sword out? Roman snapped his sword away and made a note to clean it later. Roman looked down at his textbooks and the clock. Crap! He needed to finish this for Logan. They had a test on the different types of alcohols and their properties on Friday._

_Roman frantically got to his knees and started to sort through his notes. He flipped over notebooks to find the current one he was using. Textbooks thumped against the carpet as Roman pushed them away. Roman paused as he saw a doodle on the back of Thomas’ old research paper. It was his doodle. His curly red cursive signature clear in the right-hand corner. Roman pulled it out. Roman had drawn a young boy in a field, his hand reaching out to the viewer, and Roman could see a castle in the distance. The only wrong thing with the doodle is that the boy’s face was scribbled out with yellow ink. Roman felt something twist in his stomach._

_“Weird,” Roman said, “....Sorry, little guy. It must be my fault; My stress levels are through the roof! Didn’t mean to take it out on you,” he paused before he set the paper aside gently, “I’m sorry.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Deceit flashbacks:** First flashback details Deceit trying to convince Anxiety to stay downstairs with the other dark sides. Anxiety doesn't agree and Deceit warns he will harm Thomas currently 23 years old. The second flashback is between Deceit and Logan. He uses that hand trick to shut Logan up. There is manipulation on Deceit's part in his attempt to convince Logan is not at all different than Deceit. The third flashback is between Deceit and Patton. Deceit forces a confrontation with Patton to tell him to stop lying to himself about his happiness with Thomas' chemical engineering path. Then finally, between Deceit and Roman, there is a short brief implication that Deceit altered his memories. 
> 
> Let me know if I missed anything!!! Deceit will _not_ be a recurring character in this fanfic. Even a cameo will be rare. 
> 
> OOF!!!! This chapter is FINALLY OUT!!! Please leave some kudos and comments!!! I know it's been a long wait, but I got buried by college and work, and then more summer classes. Life kicking my butt rip. 
> 
> but I really look forward to your comments since they help me keep going!! :D!


	13. The Little Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms_  
>  _Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song_  
>  _I have faith in what I see_  
>  _Now I know I have met an angel in person_  
>  Perfect by Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings** : self hatred, language  
>  **Notes:** Aahhhhh!!!! I know it's been a while since I updated. *Cough* And I want to say thank you all so much for your comments and your ramblings! They really give me the motivation to keep going! Also because I have zero self-control, I got some WNH fan art by my favorite artists, like from [pretty-inaccurate](http://wisepuma23.tumblr.com/post/176577893428/prettyinaccurate-a-commission-i-did-for) and [pastel-peach](http://wisepuma23.tumblr.com/post/176937063393/the-pastel-peach-commission-by-wisepuma23-for), sO GO CHECK THAT OUT!!! And also I'm so incredibly excited by Roman's arc! And a huge thanks to [my_happy_little_bean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_happy_little_bean) and [SocialBookWorm]() for beta'ing this chapter!

“What do you mean I don’t have my sword?!” Roman shouted. He felt up and down his sleeves and pockets, but his frankly awesome sword was nowhere to be found. “This is preposterous!”

_The spell follows a pattern of gifting you one prop that belongs to you. So logically, you might have something else in your pockets that you’re neglecting._

“It is my sword,” Roman hissed out to the snake lounging on the table, “and it’s part of my ensemble! How can I be a knight without a sword? Answer me that!”

_Well, maybe it isn’t yours. I mean, it IS a samurai sword, so you probably nicked it from one. This is justice! It’s been returned to its rightful owner, and besides, it made you look like an idiot._

Roman swatted the crow off his shoulder. “Why can’t you just say nevermore like any other bird?”

Logan tilted his head, _What? It’s not just any bird, it was a raven, and they don’t crow nevermore. The repeat of “nevermore” was a literary device by Edgar Allan Poe._

_Confirmed. Princey doesn’t read._

Roman’s head shot up at that, “Excuse you! I was the one who stayed up all night reading Poe with Logan while you blasted your music like some surly teenager! It’s called a joke, It’s So Raven!”

_I am. A. Crow!_

“Oh shush!” Roman rolled his eyes at the indignant ruffles from Virgil. He patted his sleeves hoping against hope for that familiar pommel then froze, “Oooooh, I think I found something.”

Roman dug into his sleeve and pulled out something with a flutter of petals. A white rose? Roman squinted down at it as he ran his fingers over the ruffled petals. Soft and so velvety smooth and his eyes ran down the thornless stem. Virgil tilted his head at the flower; at least he wasn’t the only one confused by it.

He buried his nose into its soft white petals and he was hit immediately with a cloying flowery scent. Tangy with a faint smell of mildew, like he had just plucked it from his royal garden. Roman’s eyes widened and looked at the rose again. Was this really from his royal garden? His shoulders relaxed and his indignant anger over his lost sword was forgotten.

_A white rose. What an odd choice of prop._

Roman let a smile tug upon his face as he tucked it gently behind his left ear.

“Come on, Logan! I’m the romantic, the spell must have simply picked up on that; it’s not so odd.”

Virgil scoffed and Roman’s cheery good mood dropped a little. No matter! He will not let Debby Downers stop him today. Patton ran between his legs and his tail wagged as Roman walked over to the study table. He held out an arm to Logan and waggled his eyebrows with a smirk. Logan huffed but slithered up his arms and rested around Roman’s neck like a lazy scarf. The weight was almost comforting.

Logan hissed and Roman held back an instinctive flinch at the noise.

Almost.

Virgil opted to rest on Roman’s shoulder because ‘ _flying is exhausting, Princey_ ’ but Roman suspected it was an excuse. For what, he didn’t know. Roman smiled as Virgil nestled closer and resisted scratching him on the head. He liked his hand, thank you very much. However, the fluttering wing-beats so close to his ear was something he was going to have to get used to. Unfortunately.

Patton followed him as Roman walked out of the room. It was finally Roman’s turn to be the hero if he had anything to say about it! He grinned as he approached the wizards huddled around the front entrance. Roman rolled his shoulders as excitement bubbled up in him. Finally! He was going to be in Harry Potter! Ohmygosh!!

* * *

  _Roman dreamed sometimes. Weird dreams. He’d wake up with tears on his face. A great ball of sadness just sat in his chest like a cat that found it in the middle of the night. He reached up and wiped away the tear tracks on his face. Even if he had the best week of his life, he would just wake up like this. Lost. Empty. His tears felt cold._

_His room was dark as his mood. Roman ran a hand through his hair, sending it in every direction. Damn it to hell, it was going to be one of those mornings, wasn’t it?_

_He looked over to his grandfather clock in the corner and saw it was 6 am. Great. He kicked off his sheets and shambled over to his desk. He pushed his inexplicable sadness away. There was a project due in two weeks! Roman needed to ace this. And if that meant working himself down to the bone from sunup to sundown, then so be it!_

_He stared down at the empty white page. He felt fear shiver through his muscles. He just needed to apply his pen to the paper. Right? Right! Make it real!_

_Again, that feeling pressed at his mind like a clingy lover. A beckoning that tugged at the root of him. Roman groaned and let his head hit his desk. It was hopeless!_

_He couldn’t concentrate with that strange dream he had. He never could. He should just suck it up and try to remember what it was this time._

_Roman took a breath and closed his eyes._

_He saw bedsheets billowing in the sun, hung on some clothesline. Like great sails and he was laughing. Roman could only piece together flashes of feelings and vague pictures of these strange dreams. He was holding a hand._

_Roman turned and he saw a boy. In these strange dreams, he always saw a boy. He could be staring straight at him and never see his face. It was like a photograph lost to overexposure. But the one thing he remembered was his smile. He knew deep in his being that it was rare. Yet, he always dreamed the boy was smiling._

_He felt the soft grass between his toes. It was preposterous. Impossible. Roman hoofing it around without shoes? It was so unprincely. Mud sucked at his soles. He held the boy tight as they chased each through the bedsheets fluttering in the wind._

_Sunlight kissed his face and made his cheeks tingle. Time must’ve passed because before he knew it, the two of them were in a bed fort. Sunlight filtering through the sheets made the boy’s features soft and dappled. It made his shirt, already a rainbow, shimmer like he was out of this world. Laughter spilled from them like careless boys were wont to do._

_Summer seemed endless._

_Roman felt tears prick at the edge of his eyes as he remembered the dream. The way the boy held his hand tight. Their fort darkening as the afternoon crawled by. He knows he’s told this boy all his secrets. But it was just a dream. A mere wish that he had someone he was close to growing up. Imagination was a cursed thing._

_The boy didn’t smile as he spoke to Roman. He strained his ears but it was for naught. It was important but he never heard the boy’s whispers. The boy shook his head and waved his hand as if to say forget it. It doesn’t matter now. Failure stabbed his heart like a dagger._

_Roman felt a sudden rush of emotion that made him want to grab the boy’s hands and never let go. Hold him tight and tell him everything about how much the boy was like a rainbow. Bright and brilliant. Hold his hands and let the world never be more than the thin wavering walls that housed them._

_That he felt stupid around him. He wanted to impress, dazzle, and go on adventures with the boy. That he_ **_loved_ ** _…_

_His grip faltered. The words thick in his mouth. Too big to say._

_Roman shook himself out of his dream._

_He was known as the dreamer, but perhaps, he didn’t like this flavor of dream. They felt so_ ** _real_** _;_ _like a love so_ ** _true_** _that not even in his tallest of tales could it come even remotely close. Dreams so saturated with happiness that made his soul sing. It was like coming home._

_Then he woke up._

_He always did._

_Roman scrutinized his page and read over his hasty scribbles. Useless. None of these ideas were worth its salt. He crumpled it up and threw it over his shoulder into its pile against the wall. He rubbed at his eyes. He felt his knuckles scrape at his eyebags like shovels digging a deeper grave._

_Of course, it was only in dreams that someone fell in love with him. Roman grimaced. Stupid, stop thinking about it, it’s over now. He was awake now. This was the reality! He pinched his elbow and his room didn’t change._

_He glanced over his shoulder and looked at his bed clock. It was 8 am now. His heart ached with an emptiness that could not be told in words. Like a person not found, or the desire to give an extra pillow for a ghost, or an orchestra without the flutes section. The English language in its entirety was inadequate to explain it. Haikus or entire novels could not convey the heaviness he held in his chest. Disappointment so thick that his soul strangled itself in its noose. It made him want to lay down his sword and let his crown collect dust._

_It was simply one of those days, where Roman felt like he didn’t know himself at all. That there a stranger looking back at him in the mirror. That his heart was not his own._

_His heart belonged to the boy in his dreams. That much was clear. He knew enough about romance and love now as a man. Oh, the scandal! His heart was taken by a spirit of the night! A wisp of nothing more than smoke._

_However, the boy was not real. Not in the sense he himself was._

_Roman locked his door and did not go out for the day. Not for all the gentle knocks at the door or the barbs of sass that hid poison. Footsteps came and walked away with nary a word. He stayed in bed and wallowed in self-pity. His project didn’t matter. Roman was tired._

_Just._

_Tired._

* * *

 Roman sat upside down on a couch rereading _The Deathly Hallows._

“Can you not think so loud? Have pity on me, nerd.”

_Research takes precedence over your proclivity for fantasy._

Roman looked up and saw an upside down Logan sitting on the table. His little black head intent over the bestiary with his tail carefully poised to flick to the next page. Every once in a while, he flicked out a pink tongue. Snakes, foul creatures, he didn’t understand why the accursed spell made him one. Even if Logan looked like a beautiful danger noodle.

Roman grinned, “Then what do you call what you’re reading, Logan? Nonfiction?”

Logan stilled and turned to stare at Roman with those beady little eyes, _It is a piece of literature with centuries of research behind it. That is not. Only an imaginative reworking._

“All mythology is an imaginative reworking, Sherlock,” Roman rolled his eyes, “So miss me with that intellectual elitism you got going on. And leave me in peace.”

Logan hissed, _You aren’t exactly the quietest reader either. Go find a different place to read then. I can do without your drawl._

Roman slammed the book closed. Patton startled awake from his nap under the window panes. Virgil glared at him as he soothed Patton back to sleep. He nestled deeper into the warmth of Patton’s soft belly. Roman huffed, _fine_ , he knew when he wasn’t wanted.

_Don’t stray too far, kiddo!_

Roman blew out a lock of hair out of his face. “I promise! And I’ll be back later, padre.”

He made his way down the stairway to the quiet basement. The lobby didn’t offer any quiet by how popular it had become. It had become a frequent hub for wizards for the so-called revolution. Virgil lectured him for half an hour that he isn’t allowed to go near them. Like they were the bad boys that mothers would warn their daughters about.

So what if he wanted to smoke their cigarettes and ride their motorcycles? He wanted to live life! And they weren’t bad as _Mom_ seemed to think! He rolled his eyes as he opened the door to the darkened basement.

Roman clutched his book closer to his chest. He missed the weight of his sword on his hip and his old painted shield. He would even take his crown, still collecting dust in some old royal wing that didn’t exist anymore, over the vulnerability he felt now. All the spell gave him was a flower. A flower! Roman walked through the bookcases as self-hatred gnawed at his heart like a nest of leeches.

Prince Roman, boy what a joke.

Couldn’t even leave the library because that would be ‘breaking up the family’. And ‘incredibly dangerous’. Roman flinched as he remembered cold dirt on his matted fur and the distant call of a dragon overhead. The many days of waiting. Cooped up and helpless with no way of knowing he’d ever see his family.

Now his _family_ cooped him up.

He turned and kicked the wall. A satisfying thunk shaking the wall, then he swore as his foot laced with pain through his boot. _Ow._ He should tell Logan to stop wasting his time researching symbolism upstairs. Roman already knew what the spell said of his character. Something he already knew for years.

Useless.

Weak.

Not deserving of his title.

Thoughts swirled at him as Roman tried to hold back his tears. His own family didn’t even believe in his abilities. He could fight! Give him a sword, a gun, _anything_ and he’d bring everything to a stop. End everyone’s suffering. A Prince would do anything to help his people. That was what he was _for._

Then something crept into his awareness. Muffled sobs just down the corridor. Roman straightened and swiped at his eyes. Finally, someone in need!

Roman pushed aside the swirling disappointment as he tiptoed past machines and tables to a door. Sobs and muttered voices came from within. Roman looked around the dark basement and wondered whoever they were, if they came down here for privacy too? Roman straightened and ran a hand through his locks. A white knight should look _dashing_! Then he raised a hand to the door and knocked.

“Y-yeah?” a wobbly voice answered through the door, it almost sounded familiar. Roman’s heart throbbed in sympathy at how torn the voice sounded. Crying for hours can do that. Not that Roman would know of course.

“Are you gucci?” Roman said, resting his hand on the door handle, “If you like, I can come inside and talk? Or I can stay here! Your choice.”

“Roman? Is that you?”

He stilled. “Joan?”

A bitter laugh filtered through. “No. I’m just their anxiety.”

“Yeah, okay no, I’m coming in.” Roman thrusted open the door to see them hastily pulling down their orange beanie to cover their face. “How can I resist comforting a friend in need?”

Roman left the door open a crack as he sat himself down next to Joan’s anxiety. They shuffled to accommodate him. Good thing this supply closet was big enough for the two of them. Roman squinted at them in the near darkness, their shoulders weren’t shaking anymore, but they held a note of fragility about them. Roman looked away as he remembered the days when Virgil was the same way, and he never comforted him.

“So, do you have a name?” Roman asked, “And it’s totally fine if you don’t want to share!”

“....Mitchell,” Mitchell said so quietly that Roman had to strain to hear them, “Or at least, that’s what Elliott calls us. We didn’t have a name before.”

Roman brightened, “Oh! That’s you!” then pointed a finger into Mitchell’s face with a triumphant beam, “You’re the one who ate a cat!”

Mitchell hunched into their shoulders as they squeaked.

“Existence was confusing! And I didn’t mean to scare Elliott like that,” Mitchell pulled on their grey hoodie strings, “Elliott told you, didn’t they?”

“Ah, it’s in the past, Human Centipede!” Roman waved his hand then leaned in closer, “So, what’s up between you and Elliott? Just curious?”

“I’m Joan’s anxiety,” Mitchell said with a _duh,_ “They’re ideas and it’s our job to squash some of them.”

“Our?”

Mitchell sniffled, “The….the spell didn’t read us right. Joan never separated us into individual anxieties,” they tugged down their beanie even more, “So it just lumped us into one body.” Mitchell buried their head in their hands. “It...it was confusing in the beginning. All of us fighting and too many limbs and _eyes.”_

Roman put his hand on their shoulder.

“It sounds like it was hard, surviving all on your own.” He smiled in the darkness; not his grand one, but the softer one reserved for his family. “But you’ve got a friend in me.”

Mitchell made a soft noise of surprise, then leaned into his hand. Roman pulled the shard of his former best friend closer. There was absolutely no way he was failing another Virgil again! Roman pulled some tissues from his pocket and offered them. Mitchell hesitated as they took them, but even through the beanie, Roman sensed a smile.

* * *

 

_Roman stoked the fire, but the coldness that nipped at him didn’t abate, instead, he suspected it came from within. He didn’t have to kiss Patton like that. Even now he can still remember his stinging eyes as he ran off. Roman sighed and felt the empty seat next to him louder than ever._

_He pinched his nose as he tried to shove that unexplainable feeling of missing something. Almost like someone was supposed to be there. You’re a romantic and a dreamer, Roman, it’s your job to fill in the blanks. Roman pursued his lips._

_He thought Patton was the answer._

_But he didn’t quite fit in that dead space that followed him. He tried to conjure countless princesses to fill it, but no matter how many times he tried, none of them slotted into place. It was only when he started to conjure princes that things started to feel more right. Yet, that feeling didn’t leave._

_Tears pricked at the edge of his eyes. Was he destined to be alone? Missing something that would never come?_

_He glanced at his sword. It glinted in the dying fire and, not for the first time, it felt out of place. A samurai sword for a knight was so clearly wrong. He’s tried changing it, but the sword stubbornly refused to blend into its surroundings. Blend into his world of jousts and kingdoms._

_Roman kicked it away and buried his face in his hands._

_No one loved him back then—there was_ **_no one_ ** _for so long—so why should he believe someone loved him now?_

_Patton just liked guys, not him, not the Prince._

_Thoughts tore him apart as he replayed the kiss over and over. It was wrong. His sweet lips and the little nibble as he pulled away. Patton’s face falling apart replayed on a loop on the back of his lids. And yet the void next to him grew louder in its echo. Louder and louder until it was a wail._

_Stop! Stop hurting me. Please!_

_He sat there in silence for however long clutching his ears and his eyes scrunched shut. Then the world poured in through the cracks of his fingers. His mind drifting off to the sound of crickets and the quiet crackles of the fire. The forest rustled with its usual beasts and characters but none dared to disturb him. Roman pulled his hands down. He let out a bellowing sigh. He swiped at his eyes and felt a startled surprise at the wet tears slipping through his fingers._

_Why was he crying?_

_Today was the fall dance, it went well, even if Anxiety was screaming his head off but social outings usually made him do that. Roman blearily rubbed his eyes as he saw the ashy pit left behind by the dead bonfire. That’s right, he talked with Patton afterward, and then...his memory became_ **_fuzzy_ ** _._

_He yawned, whatever, it wasn’t important if he didn’t remember. He smacked his lips and with a snap of his fingers, Roman popped up in his room and slid into his bed. It was past time for dreams, he hoped they were nice and adventurous of course. His eyes closed and he slipped into sleep with a smile. Life was alright._

* * *

 The sun-dappled streets glimmered with a sheen of fresh rain. Roman’s boots squelched on the dark cement. He bit down annoyance at the feeling of water between his toes. He didn’t have to listen to Patton. He was a dog and he could splash in puddles all he liked without worrying about socks and boots. So really it was his own fault.

Curse his inability to resist puppy eyes!

“Hey, you doing alright?”

Mitchell wore an orange beanie but they tugged it down to cover most of their face except their mouth. Roman worried one day they would walk into the wall and knock themselves out. However, Mitchell insisted that it was for the best they covered their face. Something about too many eyes.

“Yeah,” Roman said as he ran a hand through his hair, shaking out the raindrops. “Is Elliott still avoiding you?”

Mitchell fiddled with their black sleeves. “Don’t wanna talk about it. Still, don’t understand how you and Anxiety can get along so well.”

Roman watched Patton play in the puddles ahead of them.

“It still took us eighteen years to get there.” Roman kicked a can a bit harder than intended. “It’s not all sunshine and rainbows like you’re picturing.”

Mitchell tilted their head, “But you love them.”

“Of course I do!” Roman said, then quieter, “But I’m a man of freedom, I go on quests to fulfill my wanderlust, and...I miss the feeling of helping people. Is that so awful?”

Patton rolled over in the puddle. Roman giggled as droplets went everywhere. A distant squawk as Virgil came down from his perch on a streetlight. Patton barked and warmth blossomed in his chest as he heard Patton and Virgil’s chatter bounce around his head. Not like home but close enough.

Logan insisted on staying at the library to read. The nerd. Mitchell laid a hand on Roman’s shoulder, slowing him to a stop. Roman raised an eyebrow as Mitchell struggled for words. He waited patiently, Virgil had the same problem, as he resisted the urge to tug on Mitchell’s dark sweater to comfort them.

“You’re a hero,” Mitchell said, the words hesitant. “Why can’t you help people now? I remember it’s what you do. You know those uh, wizards, aren’t going to turn a nose up at the extra hands.”

A smile spread over Roman’s face, tinged with regret.

“Sorry. Virgil told me I couldn’t help them or he’d ‘string up by my guts’,” Roman laughed at Mitchell’s slack jaw of shock, “It means he’s worried. As if there’s anything he isn’t worried about.”

Mitchell went quiet. Roman leaned against the brick wall. He took the rare moment of silence to take in the street. The sky still held a grey tint and looked ready to rain again. Patton’s brown, mud-drenched, and ragged coat as he dug into a tree. Despite Virgil’s protests, Patton delighted in the dirty activity.

_You know you aren’t actually a dog, right? Patton, please tell me you know you aren’t a dog._

_It’s all in good fun, kiddo!_

Roman snickered. He heard a distant hum at the back of his mind, no doubt Logan, chiding them to stay quiet. Roman took in a breath, and savored the peace of the afternoon, and let his muscles relax. Everything was okay (for now).

A hand clutched his own and his eyes snapped open. Mitchell stood in front of him, their orange beanie almost too bright for the grey day. They had pulled it up just enough to show their mouth. He wished he could read their expression; the desire wasn’t a first-time thing, that’s for sure. If only they took that beanie off...

Mitchell shook his hand and patted it with the other. Roman opened his mouth to ask but Mitchell held up a finger to their lips.

Roman closed his mouth with a click.

Mitchell grinned, gummy and warm.

“Thanks for walking with me. Just needed a breath of fresh air.”

Mitchell pulled away and Roman heard a quiet crinkle as they did so. Roman looked down at his closed hand and registered something crumpled in it. Excitement thrummed behind his heart. He knew all too well the call to adventure! Roman looked up and smiled big enough that his eyes crinkled at the edges.

“Nothing like a walk out in nature to clear the mind!” Roman said, then looked around with a squint, “Although there is a distinct lack of trees to qualify as nature. But I hope it helped!”

Mitchell turned on their heels to the way back. “Let’s walk back. Want to make it in time to watch some fuckwads punch their lights out.”

Roman smirked. “Funny way of describing Bingo Night.”

Mitchell laughed, an odd mix of a squawk and cackle, and it was the closest they ever sounded to Joan at that moment. Warmth spread in his chest as he let himself miss them. And imagined for a moment, Thomas was right there along with them. If nothing else, Roman wanted things back to normal so Thomas and Joan could throw popcorn into each other’s mouths again.

It was criminal to separate two friends like this.

* * *

Roman couldn’t sleep. The ceiling was dark and all the lights were off. Roman counted the whorls and pit stains. His night vision was remarkable, perhaps a holdover from his imagination. Roman laid a hand over his forehead as he heard the distant snore of Patton against his side. Virgil no doubt doing his stupid patrol somewhere.

Roman remembered how frightful Logan and Virgil slept in their phrases. Logan would shake and turn over in his sleep before waking up in a cold sweat. Virgil would stare at the ceiling, much like he was doing now, before getting up and walking around the floor. When he finally passed out, Virgil would wake up a few hours later with a strangled scream. Was he doomed to suffer the same fate?

The last several nights seemed as much. Roman would stare up at the ceiling until the windows lightened with the first of morning dusk. He always closed his eyes whenever he heard Virgil’s distinct wing flaps come closer. Chronic insomnia wasn’t a revelation he expected to have about himself.

Then again, Roman was the dreamer. It was his job. Nothing like a few memories and a dash of craziness to entertain Thomas through the night.

Roman blew out a sigh. He froze when Logan twitched from his curled position in the crook of his arm.

No. That wasn’t it. Not tonight. Roman held up the crumpled piece of paper, the scrawled words were indiscernible in the dark, but Roman ran over them enough to brand them on his heart.

_Hey, we’re going to rescue a whole warehouse of fragments tonight. Front doors at 2 am. Be there, Princey. We need your sunshine more than anything else these sticks can conjure up._

Roman looked to the clock on the distant wall and saw it inch ever closer to the deadline. To go or not to go? A soliloquy threatened to bubble up from within. Tortured by his duty to his family or an opportunity to make this uncertain world a little better? Shakespeare had nothing on him. Roman could ramble on for _days._

That is, until Logan or Virgil told him to shut up.

Roman tucked the paper into his suit. Best to keep it hidden. It wasn’t indecision that kept him up, no, it was the finality of the opposite. Roman knew his answer from the very first time he read it.

Roman slowly sat up as he nudged Logan away. Logan buried himself deeper into his own coil of warmth. Patton kicked his legs mindlessly in the throes of sleep. Nothing would wake him up short of a bomb.

Virgil, now, that was when his plan would get dicey.

He was out on his patrol but he didn’t know specifically _where._ Roman stood up and toed over to the hallway. He looked around, no cursed crow in sight, and then flew down the stairs as he held his heavy boots under one arm. He pushed the first-floor stairwell doors open and peeked his head out.

Virgil still nowhere to be seen.

Roman rushed through the dark bookcases and didn’t let himself relax until the cold night air hit him in the face. His heart pounded in his ears as he collapsed on the stairs. Mitchell grinned down at him. Relief flooded through him. He had made it! Roman pulled his boots on and looped his arm through Mitchell’s. Roman almost wanted to skip as they started walking.

Adventure awaited!

Roman and Mitchell slipped into the shadows of the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some kudos and comments!!!! Love all of them so much okay, i sWEAR
> 
> And oooohhh, Roman, what are you doing?? Okay, but let's be real, Roman's taste of adventure was always going to win out. Pfffft. I'm sure he's going to be finnneeeee!!! 
> 
> I have way too many feelings about Roman and his arc so I'm really excited!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Broken Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14036157) by [Queen0fdaNerdHerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen0fdaNerdHerd/pseuds/Queen0fdaNerdHerd)
  * [Alone Together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222844) by [SocialBookWorm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialBookWorm/pseuds/SocialBookWorm)




End file.
